Grace

We had one of those days yesterday. Everything started out fine and then by the afternoon, I was feeling like I had the flu. I didn't pay much attention to the fact that one of my breasts had started to hurt the night before, but I quickly realized that my fever and chills must be related to that somehow. Then, Natalie launches into a fussy, crying period that didn't end until late last night. Scotty was gone for the afternoon, so I was trying to rest, but not able to keep Natalie asleep for more than 20 mins at a time. I felt terrible and had a few of those moments where I though "I can't handle this!" At that point, you feel like all the confidence you were gaining as a new mom disappears and you wonder if things are ever going to be better, and how are you going to get through- lots of overly dramatic feelings like that. Scotty came home and gave me a hand and I started calling medical friends to inquire about what might be going on in my body. Mastitis was the general consensus and I was encouraged to seek the help of a doctor. I called my gynecologist, who was inconveniently out of town. A pediatrician answered the phone and gave me a few tips on how to help things. He said if it seemed to get worse, I should call a certain doctor, which I assumed at the time was him. Then my friend gave me the number of her gynecologist, who was also out of town- must be a convention going on. He gave me the number of the same doctor to call as his stand in. I started worrying that if I didn't get on antibiotics, something drastic could happen. I called my pediatrician and she said she wouldn't be able to prescribe anything for me- I should talk directly to my gynecologist. Arg!! So, I called back the original pediatrician who was answering my gynecologist's phone (are you confused yet?) and asked if I could come in- it was now about 6pm, getting dark, and starting to rain. He said "yes" and when we got to the building, we asked the secretaries where the office of this doctor was, and they acted clueless and said there was no one by that name. We asked if there was a pediatrician in the building and they said "no". So we went downstairs, dumbfounded, because we were in the exact spot where the doctor had told me he could be found. I called him again and he confirmed the location. The problem was, I couldn't understand him when he said his last name because my cell phone kept cutting out. I caught the first name and we found him on the sign, asked the secretaries again (who seemed to be sharing a little secret between themselves on our account) and they quickly directed us to the right office (why didn't they mention before that there is a pediatrician in this building??). We sat down a bit confused after explaining to the even more confused personal secretary for this doctor why we were there and I started putting the puzzle pieces together. This doctor had told me to call a different doctor if things got worse, which is who I was asking for, and I thought he was talking about himself. So, now I realize that we've shown up on his doorstep and maybe he can't help us at all. But, here we are, having come through rain and I'm starting to feel lousy again and we're just waiting and waiting. I can feel the tears coming on, wondering if we're going to have to go find this other doctor instead, Natalie is starting to cry in her car seat, and I just wanted to crawl into bed and make it all go away. Finally we are seen and the doctor is nice and gentle and reassuring and tells me there's no infection, just a blocked duct. He gives me some instructions and we get to go home. Scotty takes Natalie, who seems to be eating much more frequently (growth spurt?) and she begins to scream, without ceasing, for what seemed like an eternity. We finally give her gas drops, I nurse her to calm her down, and she finally falls asleep. Her night went better and we got some rest. All this to say, I was super stressed and just wanted my baby to stop crying and go to sleep. I felt totally out of control, sad, helpless, tired, on the edge of breaking. But, God never lets the stress/tension get so bad that we spontaneously combust. She stopped crying, we all fell asleep, and the routine continued mostly as normal. I woke up feeling better, she's serenely sleeping in her crib right now with that angelic little face, and God's grace prevails- His mercies are new every morning. Suddenly, all those thoughts from last night seem far away and we've moved past the crisis. My body still has some healing to do and it's still too early to say how she'll be feeling today- but there is peace again. If only in those moments of craziness, we could remember that we are not alone and that we will get through by the grace of God. If only I could trust more in Him and not let myself get so upset. I am thankful for God's grace in calming my baby, in taking away my fever, in giving us a peaceful night, in providing an amazing husband who's willing to watch the screaming baby while I try to rest, in bringing on a new day full of possibilities. How would I survive as a mom without this grace?

Sacrificial living

So, apart from all the lessons you learn having a newborn- patience, selflessness, trusting more in the Lord, etc...(these have all been good/hard lessons for me lately), God is also convicting Scotty and me of several other major things. One of these things is greed and sacrificial living. Scotty is a generous person by the grace of God. We are both cheap, but he is able to freely give a little (or a lot) more than I am. He has always challenged me in that way and now we are both being challenged to an even greater degree. There is a book we are reading together that I highly recommend by John Piper called "What Jesus Demands of the World". It starts off fairly basic, the things you need to know/do to be a Christian, but grows increasingly intense. The last chapter we read yesterday was about storing up for yourselves treasures in heaven and not on earth. This is an idea that has been rolling around in our heads for a while now and last night we chatted once again about how we are living. Do we give sacrifically- not just from the abundance we have been given? Christ calls us to live in a way where we give and it leaves us in a spot, maybe uncomfortable or scary, where we are completely dependent on Him to provide. We have been blessed with a beautiful home, 2 cars, all the "stuff" we could need (and then some) and land to build a home on. We are surrounded by people who have very little. We are also approaching a return to the States- where we feel we need to buy new clothes, new books, baby stuff, and everything else we haven't been able to get here in the last 2 years. But what of it do we NEED, really need. We are taking second and third looks at what our shopping list looks like, knowing that the stores and the ads and people and culture all tell us we must have "new" and "fashionable". But, is that treasure that is eternal? I'm not saying I'm not going to go shopping and buy some stuff- but how I long to do it with an eternal perspective and with my true treasure being found in Christ and not worldly goods- because that is really a temptation for me. And so we are praying for the mind of Christ and the desire to really give of ourselves, our time, our resources to further the kingdom. What a challenge this is!

Mommy daze

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged- and I'm sure you can all imagine why. Natalie has kept me pretty busy and we've actually been getting out more and more to run errands with Daddy, meet friends, and have meetings. She usually does quite well when she's out of the house, I think she likes it more than being inside. I'm starting to get more comfortable taking her out now that I see she typically does really well. I guess I'm starting to become more comfortable with her in general. Once you stop worrying about whether or not they're going to cry or if you're going to know the exact correct thing to do all the time- things get a bit more relaxed. I still find myself sometimes sitting in the house, in the middle of coooking or writing emails or cleaning, holding myself a bit rigid out of fear that I'll hear that little wail coming from the bedroom. Sometimes I have to remind myself to relax my muscles and be OK if she doesn't take a perfect nap or seems a little fussy. But, she keeps herself to a nice little schedule (if you could really call it that) and I can actually get some stuff done during the day. Everyday we love her more and rejoice in her life, her chubby cheeks, her intense blue-grey eyes, and the thoughts of life as a family.

Today, we returned to the house of the Alfaros to have church. It brought back sweet memories of when the Mallasilla Bible Church had first begun and all the growth and worship that took place there. We were there today because we were holding our second baptism service and they have a small pool on the back porch. There were 4 believers giving their public testimony of faith and it was, as always, a neat time to see these friends taking a very important step. Two of them are part of our small group and were convicted to be baptized after we studied this command together, and Scotty had the privilege of assisting Edgar in their baptism. It's great to grow together in our understanding of the Word.

Busy days

Yesterday was Natalie and my first outing when I knew I'd have to breastfeed while we were away from home. I timed it that way so that I'd get some practice in. I love that she falls asleep almost instantly upon being strapped into her carseat, but as soon as we pulled in to our destination, she was up and hungry. Scotty and I pulled up a park bench outside of the store where we wanted to shop and I managed to situate her, myself and the sling in such a way as I could feed her discreetly. Of course, discreet is not as important here as it would be in the states, but I'd like to practice discretion nonetheless. She did alright and it was a great chance for Scotty and I to enjoy the gorgeous weather, stare at the mountains, and talk- I had been wanting a chance to sit outisde since she was born, and I think that was the first time I got to do it. Then Scotty asked if we could continue feeding her while we walked around the store- sure! So, I finished up the feed, in her sling, while looking at cool Bolivian handicrafts. After that, we took a stroll around and did a bit of window shopping, making sure not to push myself too hard while I continue to recover from the surgery. We drove home with me feeling like I had conquered a big fear of breastfeeding in public and realizing that I'm finally reaching a point where I can do more stuff with her outside of the house. After lunch, we went to Greg and Faith's so that they could see Natalie and we could chat unhurridedly with them- something we rarely get to do but always desire. We had a nice time hanging out in their living room, talking politics, movies, and baby and loving that these are our close friends and coworkers on the field. Then I had a few visitors that evening and realized later that I had maybe tried to do too many things that day. Thankfully, Natalie had a pretty good night of sleep and so we got some rest too. Today, I was looking forward to a day in the park with my good mommy friends. We had another beautiful day of sunny skies and warm temps and spent a couple hours on blankets, surrounded by ducks, a small lake, flowers, and good company. We talked babies, I got lots of needed advice, we took tons of pics, and Natalie did great! She stayed awake the whole time, no crying, and seemed to really enjoy lying on a blanket next to some older, chatty babies. She didn't say a whole lot, but we'll get there eventually. Although you can see in the pic that she's quite a bit smaller than her friends, we measured length and feet and her feet are the same size as her 6 month friend and her length just a hair shorter than her 5 month friend. She's a long girl! Later in the day, I had an emotional moment and started to feel all those yucky thoughts surging into my mind of how I don't know what I'm doing- how could I let my baby get diaper rash? how am I going to know all the stuff I need to get for her while we're home so that I'm prepared for the next 6 months? what if her eating/sleeping doesn't even out a bit before we have to travel? etc... It's nasty and shows me that I still desperately need to rely on God, trust in Him, and not let myself dwell on the fears that arise. I prayed, had a nap, and am feeling much better. I realize that I don't allow myself to rest enough during the day and can become overwhelmed by the work of being a new mom, not to mention all the questions. I am constantly challenged to bring all my needs before the Lord, with thanksgiving, and know that His peace will surround me. What a great God we serve!

IBM first anniversary

Happy Birthday Iglesia Biblica de Mallasilla! Today, we celebrated our first year as a church- what a great opportunity to look back and rejoice in all that God has done and all He has brought us through! Scotty and I were unable to make it to the service, as it's still quite exhausting for me to be out for that long- plus the unknown of how Natalie will act for so many hours outside of the house. Breastfeeding in public is very normal here, with really no other options, and I haven't quite mastered that skill yet. All that to say, we just made it to the second part of the service, the anniversary celebration. We took a look back at how God joined a group of Christians already meeting here in Mallasilla with the team from our mother church in the home of a neighborhood family- the many neighbors who were invited and started attending- the new friendships that were formed- the Cuban doctors who received Christ (2 of whom are now back in Cuba, sharing their new hope with their families)- the first Baptism service- the miraculous raising of $185,000 and purchase of land for our future church site- the move to the nearby Christian school where we have room to grow and play- the small groups that were formed, etc... The church we came from sent one of their elders to preach, our pastors father-in-law, who is a pastor, came to speak and pray his blessings over us and all that God has for our future., and many friends and family members were also invited. Shortly after we arrived, us and the other missionary family that was pivotal in the start of the church were called up along with out pastor and his family to be prayed over. It was neat to bring Natalie up with us and realize that we are a family of 3 now and are introducing her into this blessed lifestyle of missionary service to the Lord. Our prayer is that her heart will be drawn toward the nations and sharing the love of Christ with them in however God has gifted her to do so. Although I was tired and a bit stressed from a tough morning, it was a breath of fresh air to be worshipping with our church again and be reminded that God is so much bigger than the little day to day frustrations, confusions, and trials that come my way with a newborn. Natalie was awesome and slept through everything. All the kids from the neighborhood came by and stared intently at her in her car seat, asking me if she opens her eyes (maybe thinking about how puppies don't open their eyes for a few days??), what the seat belt was for, if she was a girl or boy... Many other friends who haven't had the chance to see her also came by to give their warm congratulations, stare at her asleep in her seat, and offer their comments about her size, weight, color, etc... According to Bolivians, she's enormous (a little over 8 pounds) and looks like me (not in the enormous sense). It will be fun to get back into life little by little as she gets a bit older and share her more with the great friends God has surrounded us with.

Cold days and rainbows

We've had a strange few days of rain around here- a little early, since the rainy season doesn't start until December. Usually, October is beautiful and sunny and warm, for La Paz standards. I was getting excited about the warmth, imagining taking Natalie out in her sling (which I am working hard at getting her used to) and walking around the flatter parts of town. Then, a couple of days ago, it turned off cloudy, got very chilly (as it always does when the sun can't peep out), and rained, and hailed, and rained hard some more. We had water pouring in most of the windows of our house- a standard annoyance during the rainy months. A few more things to add to the list for our landlord... Yesterday, during a little break from the rain, we looked out our favorite picture window and saw the most intense rainbow we have ever seen! I was nursing Natty, so I didn't get the best view, but saw the full picture after Scotty snapped a few shots with our camera. How beautiful! I don't mind a little bit of rain, but the coldness that creeps quickly into the house (no central heating) and the dreary greyness can rapidly lead my moods downhill- especially if I'm already struggling with slightly wacky hormones and lots of interrupted sleep. That rainbow was a mood up-lifter and reminded me that God is not only a creative God, but one that has a purpose in all things, even cold days and dark clouds. One challenge with cold days and no heating is figuring out how to dress my baby. She is warm as long as she is in our room, as we keep a heater and humidifier going most of the day. But, as soon as I take her out to nurse her, the cold air hits and I start worrying about whether or not she's warm enough. Unfortunately, my newborn wardrobe consists mostly of light, cotton PJs- so I find myself putting at least 3 layers of whatever I can find that doesn't clash terribly on her. That makes for somewhat laborious diaper changes. My baby also has this fun trick where she saves up all her poop until you're changing her and then unloads it (this is probably more than some of you signed up for) mid-diaper change. Her skills continue from there as she times it just right so that just when you think she's run out and you've put a new, clean diaper on, she unloads again. This fun game can go on ad-naseum and ends with poop-stained outfits, Mommy or Daddy taking of 15 layers of clothes, making baby cold and whiny, and trying to find another onesie that has the little mits (for warmth) while Baby lays chilly and naked on the bed. Fun times... Anyway, I wanted to post this pic, because she is super cute, and because she's nice and stretched out- showing off her long limbs. Natalie is starting to fit into some of her 0-3 month stuff, some of which is plenty wide, but just barely long enough in the arms and legs. I'm afraid this is going to be her lot in life since she has 2 long-limbed parents. Well, enough chat about the baby- I could go on and on, as this consumes my entire life right now. I have started a Spanish Bible study that the women in the church are doing called Conversation Peace, about using our words for blessing. I'm hoping to join up with them within a few weeks and want to be up to date on my homework. It's good to have something outside of dirty diapers to focus on and challenges me spiritually as well as idiomatically (is that a word?). I am not speaking Spanish as much as I normally would these days and feel like my ability is dwindling a bit- this is helpful for that as well.

Book hunt

I have been thinking a lot about the short trip we will be making home in November and what I might pick up while I'm there. We are sadly short on good books that we haven't already read several times through and so I wanted to put my feelers out to all of you that I know read my blog and also read really great books. Can you think about what books, both fiction and non, that you have really enjoyed in the last few years or have really impacted your lives? I'd love to compile a list to buy and slowly have them shipped down, as I won't be able to fit that much weight in my luggage. If any of you want to pass on any that you liked, and won't miss too much- that'd be awesome as well. Many of you, we will be seeing on our journey this fall. So, send your recommendations my way- we'd both really appreciate it!

Mommy group

So, God has been good to give me this amazing group of women in La Paz who all decided to have girl babies around the same time. Ok, God decided they'd be girls and when their birthdays would be, but it all works out great for us! Natalie is the last in the line, but she'll soon be catching up with those a few months ahead of her. We've started meeting on Tuesday mornings to hang out, get out of the house (except for today, it was in my home), snack, chat about all things, and most importantly for me- ask baby advice. This is the first group I've gone to with Natalie and it was most helpful in many ways. One, just having the presence of these ladies in my life to share with and empathize with. Two, knowing that I'm not alone in the struggles and joys, but have several friends who have just gone through similar things- it's priceless, really. Natty had a pretty rough night last night (translates- Mom and Dad had a rough night) so it was really nice just to have a break from the routine of diaper changes, naps, breastfeeding, crying, etc... I am so grateful for these women in my life!

Happy pediatrician

I won't go into the dirty details of my day, but it was one of those rough ones. The last few have been great and I've felt a bit more in control of things, especially my emotions. I guess the fluxuations are normal, but things started off tough and just got tougher. I did a lot of crying and praying and by the time late afternoon rolled around and we got out of the house to take Natalie to the pediatrician, I was finally feeling better. I think sometimes you just need a breath of fresh air and a change of scenery. Car rides make for sleepy babies, which also is helpful. The dr. was super happy with Natalie- everything looks good except for her dry skin, which is just a matter of us using lotion on her...La Paz is one dry city. And, drumroll please...she gained over 2 pounds since coming home from the hospital last week! That was the highlight of my visit since my one great frustration with her has been her sleepy nursing style. Obviously, I pushed her enough during our long nursing sessions that she has been getting enough. Praise God for that! After the dr. we managed to make a few more errand runs before coming home and I had the renewed sense that I would be able to function with her outside of the house. Now, I just have to find out when you can drive after a C-section- anyone have any answers for that one?

First walk

I got outside today!! I have been cooped up in the house with doctor's instructions not to leave until Thursday, especially since we live on the third story of a house and stairs could be a bit rough on my body. I hadn't sniffed fresh air for a week since returning home from the hospital. I was a bit nervous to take Natalie out at first, not quite sure how she would react to being in the sling or being outside. And in La Paz, the sun is so crazy intense that I didn't want a drop of it to hit her little, vulnerable face. The sling was great and covered her well and she happily sat inside, dozing, while we took about a 20 minute walk around the 'hood. I'm not sure if I am supposed to exert myself as much as I did- you can't walk much of anywhere here without going up and down some fairly steep hills. But, it felt wonderful and gave me the confidence I needed for leaving the house and actually going into town tomorrow. I haven't figured out how to nurse in this sling, nor if I want to try, but that would sure help if she does get fussy or it happens to be around a nursing time when we are at the pediatrician. This felt like a huge accomplishment for me and I needed it as I will be saying "good-bye" to my mom on Saturday. The plan was for her to come right before my due date and spend a good 3 weeks helping me and Natty, but because she came so late, she had to extend her trip by a week and still only had a little over a week with us in the house. It will be scary to be alone, even though Scotty will be available some, but I'm sure we'll get through it. I've decided to make very small daily goals, but also try to have grace with myself if I don't always get them done. Keep praying for us!

What a pretty neighborhood we live in! You can see our house, the top story of the red, 3-story building, in the distance between our heads.

Here's some more pics of my perfect baby. Isn't it funny how you have all these doubts and questions and wonder if your baby is normal and eating enough and sleeping right and blah, blah, blah...but then you look at her while she's sleeping or while she's up and alert and looking around and think she's the most perfect, beautiful baby ever? All those anxious thoughts flee for a few minutes...until the next feed time. :) Today is the first day that I feel somewhat nomal. I definitely don't have it all down and can't imagine doing anything else but taking care of Natalie- but I feel more hopeful about the job. It's been a rough few days, to be honest. Between the pain from C-section recovery and the constant doubts about feeding, specifically, I have been a bit fearful of many things. I have prayed often, with Scotty and on my own, for the peace that surpasses understanding and that I can really trust in the Lord to guide us in this time. It is a constant battle to not worry, but I know that He is with us. I'm receiving visitors at home for the first time today, as well, and look forward to feeling like I can interact with her and the outside world at the same time.

Natalie is a very sweet baby. She doesn't fuss much, goes down fairly easily most of the time, and loves to lay on a blanket and look at Daddy or stare out the window. Obviously, you can't tell much about personality at this point, but I think she'll be a mild-mannered little girl and a joy to be around. I love learning more about her every day and have come to realize that this is my God-given ministry at this point- to be a mommy. I will eventually be able to incorporate more and more outside ministry into my life again, but I know I don't need to feel pressure to do that right now (even though I sometimes do). My house is getting a cleaning and re-organizing from top to bottom, by my great mom, while I hang out with the baby. This is a huge blessing to me as well and hopefully I can keep up what she's started after she's gone. She takes off on Saturday and I'm not sure how I'll manage everything without her help- but I'm trying not to think about that right now.

Well, I had better grab some lunch before the little girl is up and ready to have some lunch of her own!

Cutest baby ever!

I've been hoping to blog for a few days now, but have been a bit busy with other things. I'll make this one short and promise to post some more pics in the next few days. For now, here is me and my sweet baby. Natty is doing really well and wooing all of us each day. I'm recovering slowly, but thankfully, have a very helpful mother and awesome husband that do so much for me. That gives me time to feed Natalie and rock her and change her diapers and put her to sleep. You can pray for our feeding times- I've got a very lazy nurser on my hands and she seems to sleep the best when she's "nursing". It's been a bit frustrating for me because I'm not sure if she's getting all that she needs and wonder if it will affect my milk supply. I'm going to start pumping tomorrow in hopes that it will help keep things up. Nights are tough, but I feel like she's getting into somewhat of a time routine- or at least, we know what to expect in how long she will sleep and eat. Scotty's my pro diaper changer, burper, putter-to-bedder through the night, which is a life-saver for me. She already has him wrapped around her finger. Our community here has been fantastic in both visits and giving us space, prayers, and meals- God has been so gracious in giving us these friendships and surrogate family members. Although I have not responded to many of you, I appreciate all the loving words and prayer that you have sent our way. I'm sure I'll appreciate the advice I'll receive from this blog as well. Stay tuned for further info...

The Scoop

Well, I'm still in the hospital, but out of bed for the first time- woohoo! Recovery from a C-section is a terrible thing to go through when you desperately want to take care of your baby, or even just shift positions. I'm sure all you mommies that have had the section can relate. Anyway...I'll try to give you all the dirty details before Natalie needs to be fed again.

I actually woke up at 6 on the dot the morning I was supposed to be induced, with contraction like pain (I thought I had just eaten something bad the day before). I starting timing the pain, and it was about every 6 minutes for around 40 seconds...whoa! Could this be labor? Well, by the time we arrived to the hospital about 8 and the doctor checked me, he sadly told me there was still no progression. Apparently, Natalie was trying to push out, but was still stuck behind some bone. He went ahead with a small amount of Pitocin and from about the second the drop entered my blood stream, there an intense pain as I could have never imagined, with pretty much no let up- no time to take a breath and prepare for the next. I was going to try to do things the "natural" way, but found that I could not bear the pain I was experiencing. Unfortunately, the doctor had gone back to his office with promises to call every hour. We had a doctor check me and then call my doctor, because only he could approve an epidural. When the doctor here checked me, I was already at 8 cm (from 0)- after about an hour. My doctor flew back, took me to the birthing room, popped in the epidural, and I was at 10 before I had a chance to really know what was going on. Then it was time to push! OH, beautiful epidurals. I could have pushed all day and was determined I was going to make that baby come out the normal way. Unfortunately, as much as we pushed and pulled and prodded, her head was stuck against that bone and too high for forcepts to be safe. There were minor signs of distress, although her heart beat stayed strong, praise God. So, it was off for an emergency C-section and then the amazing sound of our baby crying herself into the world-10:45am. I saw her on the table as they cleaned her up, with nice purple feet paddles very much resembling her dad's. She was big and perfect- 7lbs. 11oz., 201/2in. Did that really come out of me? We don't think she looks like either of us, but every morning when they bring her back from the nursery, I pick up on another feature that could be one of ours. She has dark grey eyes and a light fluffing of blondish brown hair. She's awesome. She's been very alert during the day, wanting to nurse almost incesantly, and conks out all night. Scotty has been a rock-star diaper changer and my mom is doing great with trying to calm her when she's upset. She makes cute little squeek noises sometimes when she's startled in her sleep. We've had tons of visitors, bringing lots of yummy things I'm pretty sure my digestive track isn't ready for (lucky Scotty and Mom) and flowers. I'll post some pics and then I need to take a break. I'll be updated more frequently, hopefully, now that I'm feeling a bit better.

Friends and flames

We had a very succesful marshmallow roasting night last night on the land. Success for one of these events includes huge flames, happy children, neighborhood families, and sticky fingers. All of those ingredients were present in abundance. Scotty got the fire roaring at 8 en punto (on the dot) with the kids he most sees when he spends time on the land, and who often help him move sticks or chop down bushes or wheelbarrow rocks from one place to another. They are hard workers! They're also polite, as they spent most of the evening asking, "Can I have another marshmallow please?" about 20 or so times each. Scotty gave a roasting lesson- no setting your mallow on fire and you must be patient until it turns a nice gold color, preferably over the coals, not the flames.The kids listened very attentively and then proceeded to hold their treats high over the flames for about 15 seconds before asking, "is it done??". Some got the hang of it, but after a few like this, they were mostly eating them raw and in large quantities. Thankfully, we had a few families show up and so we had to split the marshmallows, meaning the kids couldn't eat themselves totally sick (although several went home with hurting bellies). About 4 families from the church that live nearby trickled in over the course of 2 hours or so, shared some marshmallows and chat, and then headed on. We ended the night with a couple from our small group and their 2 kids, sitting in chairs around the now dwindling fire and talking, oddly enough, about superheros. As Scotty told someone this morning, it wasn't exactly an evangelistic event, but a great opportunity to share life with the kids we will be living next door to and those that we worship with on Saturdays and Sundays- an excellent time that God will use to strengthen our relationships. I was glad Scotty came up with the idea and that Mom and I had plenty of energy to partake and enjoy ourselves.
For those of you interested, here's my German/Argentine/Bolivian doctor whom I will see in the morning to (hopefully) get the final word on what the plan is going to be -induce or wait longer? Please pray for wisdom as he might leave it up to me, unless he sees definitively that we can't wait any longer, and I don't want to make a decision based on impatience, but what is best for Baby. Thanks!

Definition of Insanity

I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. After today, I also think it should have something to do with aimlessly climbing stairs. I've walked up and down the stairs to our third-story apartment 15 times today, since getting home from my doctor's appointment. He said it could help the baby reposition herself. Is this insanity?

In other news, Scotty has decided he wants to finally have the marshmallow roast he's been promising the neighborhood kids on our land tonight. I have to say my energy levels are not what they usually are (could it be from walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 15 times?), nor is my people energy. I've noticed lately that my mind is mostly consumed with this baby arriving and anything that falls outside of that sphere doesn't interest me a whole lot. It is a tough road to walk when you are a missionary and intimately involved in the lives of lots of people. This is good for me to think about and pray about, as I know the first few weeks of her life will consume me, but it is important that I am still in contact with people around me. I have a tendency to enjoy escaping to my cave and pretending like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I am asking the Lord for wisdom in how to balance these things and I think it starts even now, before she's here. I'll post pics soon of the marshmallow roast/bonfire (what is it that makes men LOVE to make big, burning piles of stuff?)- I know it will be a good time.

Baby update

Another visit to my doctor this morning- I feel it's become a second home. There is still no dialation but thankfully, all is well with the placenta, fluid, heartbeat, and baby. He said upon checking that her (big) head (he actually called her a "bighead") was pushing against the lower part of the wall of the cervix instead of the center part, therefore, no dialation. If her head were to move up just a bit, it would help the whole process a lot. I asked if there was anything I could do to help her move, like walk, climb stairs, crawl around on my hands and knees, etc... He seems to think nature will take its course if it's going to. Happily, he is being patient and is giving me until Sunday before he induces. If he sees even half a millimeter of dialation by Saturday, he'll let things go on their own. If not, it's oxytocin for me! It's nice to see an end in sight and our prayer, of course, is that she comes on her own. I have this weird feeling it will be soon- we'll see if that's intution or desperation. :) Thanks for all your kind words and prayers- I know you're all hoping along with us!

PS She was drinking amniotoic fluid like a maniac while we got the ultrasond, sticking her big lips in and out quite rapidly. Scotty said she looks like Homer Simpson- what a sweet daddy. :)

Another Top 10

Ten things going through my head as I'm officially "overdue":

10. Can't buy too many perishable food items cause I might be in the hospital tomorrow (which means lots of grocery trips).

9. Is it possible for the baby to continue moving down and squashing my bladder?

8. I didn't think I'd make it to this meeting/party/church service (or any other function) at this point...

7. Why did I get that pedicure/manicure so early?

6. Could there possibly be anything else to wash/prepare for the nursery?

5. Could this strange feeling/twang/pinched nerve/slight cramp be the beginning of labor??

4. How many phone calls can I get in one day asking if the baby has come yet (I seriously just got a phone call after typing this sentence)?

3. I'm super hungry, but I'm afraid to eat much more because my baby is only packing on the pounds as she chills out in my belly (which means it'll be harder to push her out).

2. Have I already forgotten everything I've read and learned in the past 9 months?

1. Is it possible that she'll stay in there forever?

Projects

I haven't posted much about the nursery because I've wanted to wait until we got it all put together before showing pics. But, I'll put up a few of the newest advancements and before too long, the whole room.
Mom sewed these raspberry colored bumpers with periwinkle dots before she got here and I bought the foam to stuff them with. That was one of her first accomplishments after she came. So, how does one lower the side of a crib that has a bumper on it? Is it supposed to fit down between the gate and the side of the crib? This is one we have to figure out...I stole this idea from my friend Kelly who had seen it in an on-line store (I think). Mom brought down some scrap fabrics with periwinkle and yesterday we drew animals and stuck some stick-on letter to cheap canvases I bought here. The giraffe is in Spanish, just to mix things up a bit. My good friend Whitney surprised me with this beautiful hot-air balloon painting she did for the baby. It matches beautifully with the periwinkle throw I have over the chest of drawers we had made. We've also got a hot-air balloon puzzle that was being given away to the first finder (only missing 11 pieces out of 1000) and an adorable watercolor with a hot-air balloon that my mom painted and brought down. Those still need to be framed after we get the baby's name put on one and then I'll post those pics too. I love the room and think Baby will too!

Regressing

Have any of you noticed that my little pregnancy widget is starting to count back up from zero since I've passed the due date that it was originally programmed for ("3 days left")? Ironic, since I've been telling Scotty for about a week now that I feel that I'm becoming less pregnant. Because the baby has dropped a little, my tummy looks smaller from my angle, my pelvis hurts less than it did two weeks ago, and of course, there is still no baby. I'm convinced, I think I'm regressing...

Miscalculation...

I'm going to try real hard not to complain and sound irritated in this blog...although I have to admit that I was ready to wring my doctor's neck yesterday. I don't know how many times I have explained to him that I have very long cycles and wondered if that could change the due date of the baby. Yesterday, I found out that he had my cycles noted in his files as a normal time frame and told him that there was a mistake there. "Oh, that changes everything!" he says. "We have more time." So, now we're looking at the possibility of next Tuesday before the baby could come or before he decides to induce (he has explained that the placenta ages much more rapidly in the altitude, which is why he won't let his patients go more than a day or two past their date). Well, after a week of going in almost every day and hearing that nothing was progressing or changing, this all made sense, but was also very, very disappointing. Again, I'm sure all you moms understand that feeling of being beyond ready to meet your baby, so being told that it could be a week longer than you thought is disheartening. The rest of the day was rough as I continued to mull over this fact and think about how all my planning was perfect for her to come when she was originally planned (as if due dates are ever very accurate). I was convicted many times of trusting the Lord's plans, however different from my own, and His timing- but wanted to reject that idea in my highly emotionally state. I admit even now it is a battle not to get upset when people call to ask if she's come yet or anytime I go into the doctor, which is daily now. Thankfully, he's given me a doppler scanner to take home with me so that I can check the baby's heartbeat on my own and keep me from needing to go in all the time. But, when it's all said and done, I must submit my will, my desire to the Lord. He is good, His ways are perfect- do I really believe this enough for it to affect my emotions, my attitude, my thoughts?