Parque infantil

It was about 4:30 when Natty and I got to the park this afternoon. It was deserted and as I sat down on a low, cement wall to watch Natty play, I noticed for the first time how sad that park can look. One of the swings was hanging unevenly while the other one had both chains broken with no seat in sight. The once colorful wooden play equipment was faded from the harsh La Paz sun and had a few nails sticking out here and there. The slides were thoroughly rusted and there was a half-dressed baby doll lying face down in the dirt. Sparse chunks of dead grass were scattered here and there with popsickle sticks and trash dotted in between. I wondered for a moment where Natty might be playing if we lived in the US. However, she didn't seem to notice that anything wasn't as it should be and happily played with rocks and dirt for half an hour or so. A lot of kids live around the park in one or two room, shabby brick houses. They come to play, usually bringing along a brother, sister or cousin that looks hardly old enough to walk. I met a 6 year-old named Jenny the other day who had the stature of a 3 year-old. She asked me to take her to the zoo and although we set up a time to meet, she never showed and I wondered if she had to cook dinner for her family or babysit a sibling. Today, as I enjoyed the last bit of warmth before fall sets in hard, I looked over to the world's highest golf course, literally separated from the park and most of Mallasilla by a deep gulf, and wondered if the folks playing there ever let their kids play in parks like this one. I wondered if they noticed our neighbor who lives in a basement without running water tending to the grounds as they putted by. He and his wife always greet us with a smile and although we share water with them and small talk, I can't say that we've shared anything terribly meaningful beyond that. Sometimes I forget, in our relatively luxurious lifestyle, how the other 2/3 live. I pray that God would continue to challenge my comfort and security and give me a generous heart toward those around me who have so little.

What's going on with me...

It's dark outside. It's not usually threatening to rain this time of year, as rainy season is mostly on its way out and cool winds have arrived. The temperature seems to shift rapidly from intense warm afternoons to waking up with crisp air hovering around the bed, daring me to get out without socks and a sweatshirt. The climate change always seems to bring about colds, even Natty is suffering with one right now. She's snoozing away later into the afternoon then normal, evidently needing her rest. I'm happy for a moment to catch up on the blog. I've become more aware in the last year how many people read my blog and so I seem to be, without wanting to, much more timid in posting. I tend to shrink back a little when I know eyes are on me, afraid of what judgments might come from what I say or how I say it. I find that to be a problem when speaking Spanish in front of more than one or two people. Ultimately, I want my life to count and I want that to be obvious in the things I write about. I must admit, I am going through somewhat of a lull at the moment- not in a bad way, but in a way that has me frequently asking myself if I'm taking advantage of all the opportunities God is sending my way. There are definitely some issues that friends in our small group are going through that I want to be more dedicated to keeping up with. We've spent some really neat times lately with a few families but I am feeling challenged to push outside of the circle that we mainly focus on to include a few that keep popping up, not altogether coincidentally. And yet, how do I do that when I need to also spend even more time with those we are immediately "responsible" for in the church? The impending home assignment of our close friends and colleagues, the Hursts, is having us re-think how we use our time and how we can be involved in some of the relationships that they are involved in. There are so many needs, but so few who can really pour into the families in our church. I've come to understand a whole different level of intimacy and dependence from what I was used to experiencing in independent America and it challenges me almost daily. I am used to my space, my control, my freedom. But Bolivians push those boundaries in a way that is wonderful and maybe more like how God meant for the body of Christ to function and relate. This doesn't make it easy for me, of course. But it makes it worthwhile to try. So, the eternal question of balancing life, family, ministry, "me-time" (and this one is where I grip too tightly) and friendships outside of ministry continues to prod and poke and make me uncomfortable. But, I think this is where God likes me to be and where He teaches me more about Himself and His plans for my life. Apart from all that, I am daily challenged by the realization that I need to know more of God's word so that I can impart it to my child. So that I can discipline her correctly. So that I can love her well and lead her into her own love for the Lord. Sadly, I've never quite felt this desperation to really know the scriptures, until realizing that I am responsible for passing them on to my children. Better late than never, they say!

On a lighter note, I have rekindled my passion for cooking! Not having my own kitchen for 7 months quelled the desires I usually have to experiment with food, but now that we're back home, I am finding all sorts of new recipes and trying to eat more vegetarian because meat is much pricier than it used to be. We had tofu for a handful of meals a couple weeks ago- there is a nice little Japanese shop that sells all manner of things with Japanese writing and pictures of fish on the packaging, and also happens to have cheap blocks of tofu. I find recipes that refer to "firm" or "soft" but all I have is what Mrs. Japanese Bolivian lady sells me, which seems rather soft. It works, mostly. Beans and lentils are always nice, too. I've recently found a wonderful, fantastic, sweet, godly, pastor's wife to help me two days a week in cleaning (OK, she does all the really hard work) and sometimes I wonder if she balks at the meatless lunches I serve (I do the big meal of the day at lunch when she's with us, since that is what Bolivians are used to). However, she always compliments the dishes and I enjoy lingering around the table with her long after I've finished and she's on her second helping and listening to her stories about life and her family and all that God has taught her over the years. She is a new facet in ministry that I am really enjoying. And Natty is getting used to her and already picking up a bit more Spanish as they talk. I praise God for bringing Feli to us. We've got some fun times coming up soon with visitors this month and a short trip to Cochabamba at the end of April. God is so good to us.

Proof of Life

Forgotten in the excitement of a papaya smoothie.

For an explanation of this series, click here.