What's going on with me...

It's dark outside. It's not usually threatening to rain this time of year, as rainy season is mostly on its way out and cool winds have arrived. The temperature seems to shift rapidly from intense warm afternoons to waking up with crisp air hovering around the bed, daring me to get out without socks and a sweatshirt. The climate change always seems to bring about colds, even Natty is suffering with one right now. She's snoozing away later into the afternoon then normal, evidently needing her rest. I'm happy for a moment to catch up on the blog. I've become more aware in the last year how many people read my blog and so I seem to be, without wanting to, much more timid in posting. I tend to shrink back a little when I know eyes are on me, afraid of what judgments might come from what I say or how I say it. I find that to be a problem when speaking Spanish in front of more than one or two people. Ultimately, I want my life to count and I want that to be obvious in the things I write about. I must admit, I am going through somewhat of a lull at the moment- not in a bad way, but in a way that has me frequently asking myself if I'm taking advantage of all the opportunities God is sending my way. There are definitely some issues that friends in our small group are going through that I want to be more dedicated to keeping up with. We've spent some really neat times lately with a few families but I am feeling challenged to push outside of the circle that we mainly focus on to include a few that keep popping up, not altogether coincidentally. And yet, how do I do that when I need to also spend even more time with those we are immediately "responsible" for in the church? The impending home assignment of our close friends and colleagues, the Hursts, is having us re-think how we use our time and how we can be involved in some of the relationships that they are involved in. There are so many needs, but so few who can really pour into the families in our church. I've come to understand a whole different level of intimacy and dependence from what I was used to experiencing in independent America and it challenges me almost daily. I am used to my space, my control, my freedom. But Bolivians push those boundaries in a way that is wonderful and maybe more like how God meant for the body of Christ to function and relate. This doesn't make it easy for me, of course. But it makes it worthwhile to try. So, the eternal question of balancing life, family, ministry, "me-time" (and this one is where I grip too tightly) and friendships outside of ministry continues to prod and poke and make me uncomfortable. But, I think this is where God likes me to be and where He teaches me more about Himself and His plans for my life. Apart from all that, I am daily challenged by the realization that I need to know more of God's word so that I can impart it to my child. So that I can discipline her correctly. So that I can love her well and lead her into her own love for the Lord. Sadly, I've never quite felt this desperation to really know the scriptures, until realizing that I am responsible for passing them on to my children. Better late than never, they say!

On a lighter note, I have rekindled my passion for cooking! Not having my own kitchen for 7 months quelled the desires I usually have to experiment with food, but now that we're back home, I am finding all sorts of new recipes and trying to eat more vegetarian because meat is much pricier than it used to be. We had tofu for a handful of meals a couple weeks ago- there is a nice little Japanese shop that sells all manner of things with Japanese writing and pictures of fish on the packaging, and also happens to have cheap blocks of tofu. I find recipes that refer to "firm" or "soft" but all I have is what Mrs. Japanese Bolivian lady sells me, which seems rather soft. It works, mostly. Beans and lentils are always nice, too. I've recently found a wonderful, fantastic, sweet, godly, pastor's wife to help me two days a week in cleaning (OK, she does all the really hard work) and sometimes I wonder if she balks at the meatless lunches I serve (I do the big meal of the day at lunch when she's with us, since that is what Bolivians are used to). However, she always compliments the dishes and I enjoy lingering around the table with her long after I've finished and she's on her second helping and listening to her stories about life and her family and all that God has taught her over the years. She is a new facet in ministry that I am really enjoying. And Natty is getting used to her and already picking up a bit more Spanish as they talk. I praise God for bringing Feli to us. We've got some fun times coming up soon with visitors this month and a short trip to Cochabamba at the end of April. God is so good to us.