Life is busy (and I seem to be just noticing).

I've been in denial for a while now, but I think I'm finally starting to come to terms with my life getting busier.  I love down-time.  I love having space in my day when the house is quiet and I can read my Bible or sew or look at blogs.  I love feeling like things happen in an orderly way and I can get home in time to feed the girls before it's late and give Jubilee a bath and leisurely put them to bed without rushing.  This doesn't happen like it used to.  There's more to do.  There's so much to do that I can't keep it all straight in my head, which makes it seem more stressful than it is because I haven't figured out how to make it all happen.  A lot of life here is vague and uncertain and a lot of things don't turn out how you expect them to or are as straight-forward as you would like.  For a long time we raged and fumed and got terribly judgmental and impatient about this, but we are starting to come to expect it and roll with it.  However, sometimes it is just annoying.  All that to say, we are in a busy "phase" (see, I'm still staying "phase" as though it's going to pass soon) right now and I haven't been blogging much.  We spent last week in Cochabamba, which was fun, but a lot of hard work for me since I wasn't in my own space and spent pretty much the entire day hanging out with/entertaining the girls.  Scotty took one extra day so that he could spend it with us, which turned out to be fantastic and just enough time to see the highlights of the city together.  We got home and launched into a full week of activities- a good friend having her baby, which included visits to the hospital and meal planning, Natty's last week of preschool (which included one of those vague, frustrating searches for a specific costume that her teacher had asked for), Thanksgiving prep and cooking, having 15 people over to our house yesterday to celebrate the big day, lots of phone calls to make to figure out other pending things that I haven't been able to resolve and then being left with unanswered questions relating to some of that.  Then, I started Christmas shopping today.  I don't have a list.  I don't have the first idea what to buy my little ones or the big one.  But, I managed to score a few good finds and feel good about that.  I'd love to knock it out and just focus on the important bits of the season, including the next 2 months that Natty is out of school and will be wanting much more of my attention that she has for the last year.  Suddenly, I think my days are going to get even busier.

We got a call from our lawyer yesterday who set up December 13th for our interviews with child and family services.  Whoa!  The whole adoption thing just kicked it up a notch.  A little scary and a lot exciting.  We're probably going to squeeze in a much-needed beach vacation right after that since we shouldn't be leaving the city once we have our final interviews and the hunt for Baby Boy Miser begins.  We've decided for lots of reasons to put the house building on hold until the rainy season is over.  I think that will remove some of the pressure that trying to start it soon was creating and there are still a lot of details to work out before we're even ready.  Scotty is probably 5 times busier than I am and I think we're both feeling like the relational part of our ministry is suffering.  But, that's a whole other blog...  

Imports.

Bolivia has a good deal of American imports.  I appreciate this, at times.  Especially when it comes to food.  La Paz, being the capitol, is getting an impressive amount of American food items and British, too.  We also have what I would consider more and more American-style restaurants, coffee shops and clothing stores.  Some of them I ignore because they are United Colors of Benetton, and I can't afford them.  However, I appreciate Magic Time's Krispy Rice cereal, even though it's an X-brand, so that I can make rice krispy treats from time to time.  However, having just passed Halloween, I can say that that is an import I do not appreciate.  A decade ago, Halloween wasn't a word people knew around here.  It's an American import, but Bolivia only got the nastiest side of it.  It's all witches, goblins, dead guys, blood and guts all the time.  You won't see cute little princesses or doctors or toy story characters or cans of soup (my brother dressed up like Campbell's cream of tomato one year) around here.  But, you will see a lot of nastiness and stuff that scares Natty and keeps her from wanting to even enter the grocery store.  Not cool.  Another import I saw today that will be arriving...Hooters.  Seriously?  We don't have a Starbucks or McDonalds but we'll have a Hooters??  I suppose for the country that downloads more porn than any other Latin American country, this should not surprise me.  But, I don't have to like it.

Did I mention we started work on our property?  There is finally movement up there after 6 years of owning and dreaming.  However, because our land and house paperwork has not been processed yet (after 3 years in the government offices), we can't actually build our house.  What we're working on are retaining walls, leveling of ground, etc...  It's enough to keep a team of builders busy for a while and get the money starting to flow out of our pockets.  But, since rainy season started early, I don't think we'll see activity on a foundation until March.  However, we're excited to see something going on and incredibly thankful for God's amazing generosity in allowing us to do this.

Adoption update.

I suppose I haven't updated on the adoption process lately.  What's taken the most time was the thing I thought would be the most straight-forward- the back ground checks.  Unfortunately, that was not the case, but we finally got what we needed and went to meet with our lawyer today around noon.  She checked over our stuff and we typed up a formal letter requesting a boy between the ages of 0 and 1.  What was surprising was how personal this "formal" request was that she will be turning into a judge this afternoon.  She used words like "blessed" and "our desire" and explained that our oldest daughter was already talking about buying toys for her younger brother.  I had kinda imagined a standard letter that had fill in the blanks for the sex and age of the baby and a spot to sign at the bottom...  So, she explained that after turning in our paperwork, within a couple weeks we will begin the process of evaluations- physical, mental, emotional- and that whole process will take a couple months (of mostly waiting).  Then, if all goes smoothly, we can expect them to start looking for our little boy by the end of the year.  Which means, if it's God's will, we could have our baby by the first part of next year!  It's a bit daunting to think it could all happen that fast.  The mommy in me wants my child to be in our house as fast as possible, but there's also a part of me that wants Jubilee to be sleeping through the night and a bit less needy and the room to be set up and _________ (a list of other things that would make the most ideal environment for our family).  I suppose life doesn't work this way and as we've known from the beginning, the adoption process is one of lots of surprises and lots of opportunities to trust that it's all in God's hands and His timing.  Maybe we won't be getting our son until the following year!  You just never know...  But, the next couple of months will be filled with more and more steps to get us closer to meeting our boy and we can't wait!

Loss and Remembering.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I am thinking of so many women I know who have said "good-bye" too early to their children.  It's interesting that this day is in October- only a week before Zion's birthday.  Sometimes I'm surprised by the feelings I have when October rolls around.  There are certain things I don't often spend a lot of time thinking about with regards to Zion because they are just too sad to remember.  Like the 19 days he spent in the hospital- the sounds, the smells, the sight of my son, the tightening knot in my stomach every time I walked into the NICU- not knowing what I was going to find when I got there or how Zion was going to look.  We would read Psalms together and I would talk to him and sing to him and pray and cry.  I prefer not to spend so much time dwelling on these moments because they are the most painful.  But when October comes, they creep back into the forefront of my mind without my inviting them and so I let myself remember.  The first anniversary of Zion's birth, I was pregnant with Jubilee.  What a grace to be awaiting another child, but the pain was still fresh and real and almost suffocating.  The second anniversary, we were back in Bolivia after having Jubilee in the US, with a needy 6 month old and trying to get ourselves settled again into life here.  I'm sure we spent some time by his grave and I wept for the child I had lost and for the new one I had gained.  When Jubilee was little, I often wondered if Zion would have looked like her or had her personality.  I couldn't help but think about him as she passed through different stages...the two of them will always have that interesting link.  And now, as we approach his 3rd birthday, I am awaiting an adopted son.  God used the life of Zion to solidify in us a desire to adopt and so I find it appropriate that this anniversary has us awaiting a new life to join our family while we celebrate one that was with us such a short time.  I am thankful for the things God has done in our family, even the things that I would never wish to go through.  It gave me great joy last night to hear Natty pray for her future little brother and say to the Lord, "I love him so much already."  What a gift and a blessing for us all to learn how to trust God more together and be invited in to what is part of the great heart of God- adoption.

Ano, mano, boca.

That's "anus, hand, mouth" for those of you who didn't take Spanish in school, or maybe just never learned the word for "anus"...  This was the theme of the first 1/3 of today's parenting class.  The chat was given by a big, smiley doctor that is involved in the organization of the course who usually talks and jokes animatedly and shuffles around so much while he addresses his crowd that you'd think he might have been Fred Astaire in a past life.  Well, tonight, he was not his usual happy, light-hearted self.  He was serious.  Because the topic was serious. Very. Serious.  We were talking about intestinal and stomach infirmities that we might run into with our children.  Unfortunately, "ano, mano, boca" is a road many are taking without proper warning and the results are nasty.  We had the pictures to prove it.  And, as though I wasn't already easily scared enough when my kids get sick, apparently Dr. Usually Funny But Not Tonight decided to make us think that every tummy worm or episode of diarrhea would eventually, and sometimes quickly, lead to death.  For real.  He must have made the comment 3 times that he's known of cases in the homes where kids have died in a matter of 3 days from diarrhea.  Ok, I know it can be very serious.  However, there are times, especially with the proper care, when things turn out just fine.  So, I tried to take this class with a grain of salt and also got inspired to up my standards of washing vegetables, just in case...

In happier news, we are one class away from finishing!!  As we wrapped up tonight, the speaker asked for a few volunteers to speak at Wednesday's closing ceremony.  Ceremonies here are a big deal and receiving our certificate for completing this course will be part of that big deal.  Which means lots of formality and speeches and hand-shakes.  All good, unless you are someone who hates to speak in front of crowds in any language (but especially a foreign one) and happens to be seriously pressured by the ENTIRE class staring at them because they think it would be a good idea for one of the foreign couples to share and the German couple already gave a direct "NO."  Scotty and I cave and I assume that we'll get by with him speaking, because it never bothers him, but they insist that both share.  Sigh.  So, now Mrs. Would Rather Clean A Pubic Restroom Than Speak In Public is obligated to share in Spanish during this formal-speeches-only occasion.  Pray for me.

Adoption update

David Huevo

Well, with Scotty's parents here, I haven't done any updates lately.  The big thing is the beginning of our adoptive parenting classes!  Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we leave Natty and a screaming Jubilee (she's VERY attached to me lately) here with my in-laws and drive way up into town where the classes are held at the government offices that work with family and children issues in the city.  We were pretty surprised the first night to see about 30 or 40 couples attending!  I can't say that the sessions are incredibly interesting, but we feel like we're making progress in the process and learning a few things about the realities of orphans in Bolivia and the somewhat broken system of taking care of them.  One recurrent theme that has come up every class is that under no circumstances, EVER, should you return your child to the orphanage after you've adopted him.  Apparently, it has become very common here for people to discover that their newly adopted child is not exactly as they had hoped he would be and so they take it back for a return.  It's awful to think that this mindset is so common and makes you realize that a lot of these adoptive parents must not know that these children are becoming part of their family and are legitimate.  One humorous part of the class is the activity each couple has to do of taking under their wing a raw egg and pretending like it is a child.  Maybe a lot of you, like me, did this exercise in middle school.  I have to admit, I was a little skeptical about "grown-ups" doing this, but I think most people are taking it pretty seriously and have made some pretty elaborate cribs, knitted little hats for their baby eggs, and actually take them out places.  We've named our baby David, after Scotty's dad, because he is here at the time that the egg came into our family.  Natty enjoyed helping me make his crib (a coca tea box) and sometimes wants to carry him and cover him in stickers.  Can't wait till she can play with the real thing!  Recently, I found out that the marriage certificate we had translated and legalized a few years ago (which is necessary for the adoption process) was missing a signature or stamp or something and was thinking we'd have to send it back to the US to have the whole, lengthy, expensive process done over again.  I made a trip to the American Embassy just to make sure that it wasn't something they could do here and they made a special exception and did it for a fraction of the cost!  Thanks God!

Out of the mouths of babes.

During nap time today, I heard Natty singing a little too loudly and went over to her door to tell her to be quiet.  Thankfully, I stopped to listen to what she was singing and came in about here...:

...but, I want to pray for the ones that are going to hell because I want them to go to heaven.  But they're going to hell, to hell!  But I want them to go to Heavenly Father!  I want them to go to our Heaven like me and my family and maybe my little sister who's just a baby.  The Bible says we hated Him, we were His enemies, but He died, He died!  He died on the cross for our sins and He's great!  I love Him more than my bunny, my bunny isn't worth anything more than Jesus!  I don't love my bunny more than God!  'Cause He's perfect, He's perfect!  He died on the cross and rose again...!

Wow!  I stood at her door and silently worshiped with her and thanked God that my little girl is hearing and thinking about spiritual things.  How I pray her understanding grows and that the truths that she sings about now will set her free.

Good-bye: It never gets easier.

One final walk with my walking buddy.

I had to say good-bye to a dear friend today.  She has been an almost daily part of my life these last 3 years and walked with me so faithfully through the darkest times I have experienced.  Words fail to describe the kind of friend she is, but the tears that have been flowing off and on for weeks and now almost constantly this afternoon show just how amazing she is. There is such a struggle on the mission field to not close your heart to people who you know will one day move on, and yet, this friend has shown me that it's worth every bit of the pain to love for a little while.  But it's so hard.  And I don't want to do it again.  And I don't want to watch my little girl say good-bye to the first real friend she's ever had.  And I can't imagine my life without her in it.  As the elders and their families gathered today to say farewell and to pray, our pastor shared how God has given him the comfort of knowing this separation is so small in comparison to eternity that we will share together around the throne.  Yes, thank you, Lord!  But, I still can't help feeling like it's friends like these that I need NOW when there is still pain and darkness and confusion to work through.  And also so much joy and faith and hope to share together!  Still, I am thankful.  For 3 years.  For amazing memories.  For the things I've learned from her.  For the hope of paths crossing again down the road.  For the peace that God gives beyond the sadness that He is good and He will bring more good for us both.

Concrete steps

We finally got around to signing up for our 3 week parenting class that is one of the prerequisites for adopting in Bolivia.  Other than getting all your paperwork legalized and a basic background check and house check, I don't think they require anything else of prospective parents.  Except, maybe, patience with the system.  It took us ages to get to the government office where we needed to pay our money and get our name on the list because of the mid-day traffic when people get off work for a several hour lunch break and all the kids are leaving school for the same reason.  When we entered the building we were ushered around to several offices, each person saying, "Oh, you need to go down the hall to such-and-such office" before we found someone who would sign us up.  The people working there were friendly, but the building was so old and creaky and a bit dingy and pretty typical for government office buildings here.  It made me think about our son and where he might be living and what kind of similar or worse conditions the first few months of his life will be like.  I've felt it before, but it was stronger yesterday- I feel like my son is out there in an unknown location with unknown people "caring" for him (and I pray they are caring so much more than can be standard in these orphanages) and I so desperately want to bring him home from all that.  It felt good to be taking one concrete step toward that goal and I'm hoping by the time we finish the classes, we'll also have our paperwork in order to turn in to the judge.  Then, we wait.  I have no idea how long it might take and I want to think it will be quick, but that doesn't seem to be the typical story with adoption.  We're ready for you, little one!

The gift of rest.

I don't even know where to begin sharing about my trip to Belize.  One, I am incredibly thankful that all my flights were on time and I didn't have trouble finding gates and such.  After travelling with Scotty for as long as I have, I kinda felt nervous about doing international travel on my own.  It's always fun for me to land in Miami and think, "I'm in the States!"  Everything is greener, more organized and bigger.  After walking around the airport for a bit, I even found Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts- my main goal for that leg of my trip.  Touching down in Belize was exciting, but the trip wasn't over yet.  After disembarking, I pushed through the wooden doors in the airport labeled "connecting flights" and met a wave of hot, humid air and a sea of bright, Caribbean colors welcoming me from the tourist shops all around.  I started regretting that I hadn't changed out of my jeans in Miami, but the AC in MIA had me shivering until I boarded the plane.  Before long, I was walking back out onto the tarmac with about 6 other people to jump on board Tropic Air's tiny plane that would fly me to the island where sweet times awaited me.  I kept my eyes closed and breathed deeply through my mouth and nose, expecting the tiny plane to bump and leap through the air, making me nauseous as other small planes have done in the past.  At one point, I was wondering if we had taken off yet, so I opened my eyes and found we were smoothly sailing over turquoise waters.  I watched as we flew over small, uninhabited islands and chuckled when on one side of the plane a small, grey cloud was dumping water on one land mass while on the other side, those islands were basking in cloudless skies.  15 mins later, we landed in San Pedro and my dear friend Ally met me with her joyful smile and a big hug.  The next few days were a blur of sun, warmth, humidity, wind, sailing, kayaking, snorkeling, swimming, meeting new friends, laughing, crying, talking, praying, and resting.  The YWAM base where Ally lives and works must be one of the most relaxing places on Earth (especially when you are there sans children and responsibilities).  It didn't take long for me to unwind and learn to enjoy being still again, reading, staring at the incredibly calm, green-blue waters and just being.  I needed to learn how to do that again and the Lord took that opportunity to speak to my heart and to reunite me with my dearest friend who brings life and joy wherever she is.  I skyped a few times with my family while I was away, but felt so confident in my capable husband, that I never felt distracted by concern for the girls.  What a precious gift to a mom of young kids- time away to be alone and with an encouraging friend on the beach.  For that week, I wanted to be no where else.

Trying to get a good pic with the wind whipping our hair...reminds me of the beauty of laughing with a good friend.

Uyustus: Shop till you drop!

Uyustus market from above.

The other afternoon Scotty offered to stay home with the girls so I could do a bit of market shopping.  There are some places in La Paz you really don't want to go through the hassle of dragging small children to and Uyustus St. is one of them.  Uyustus is this amazing assault on the senses that is filled with everything you could possibly imagine.  Clothes, shoes, hardware, electronics, toys, make-up, pool items, household goods, etc...  And, the prices are much better than that same stuff that you could find down where we live.  So, I drove into town, parked, and hailed a cab.  The first 3 rejected me- getting there takes a while through the worse traffic in town.  The 4th guy offered a price, I agreed, and we were off.  Shortly into the drive, he began asking me questions about myself and how long I lived here.  He decided I was practically Bolivian after 7 years in La Paz.  He asked me what I was out to buy today (since everyone knows this market is for those who are doing some serious shopping- this is no quick run-in to Target).  He found out I had 2 girls and laughed, as though I was joking, when I told him we were going to adopt a boy.  We seem to get this incredulous response quite often when we share our plans to adopt.  He shared that he had 4 sons and that they love their mamma.  I told him that's why I needed a son, too- my girls are quite attached to their daddy.  As we neared (after going through lots of sketchy back streets that had me only a tiny bit nervous he was kidnapping me), he kindly reminded me several times to be careful- lots of thieves around here.  I thanked him and was off.  The street runs steeply up hill and is cut into two lanes by vendors set up down the middle.  I'm never quite sure which lane to walk down and tend to switch back and forth indiscriminately, trying to see everything.  It was packed this particular afternoon and every few minutes, hunched over men with enormous, heavy cardboard boxes strapped to their backs would rumble through (always uphill for some reason), calling continuously to make space.  Every block or so would waft the stomach churning smell of something frying in an open skillet.  Occasionally I would duck into side "galleries" to check out larger stores inside the buildings instead of just the vendors set up under tents.  There are easily hundreds of people selling their wares on this street that can't be more than 10 blocks long and it is truly an exhausting experience.  I found the toy ghetto that was another 100 vendors selling mostly the same cheap, Chinese imported toys, with a few Bolivian made crafts dotted throughout or imported, over-priced American items.  I bought nothing there, even though Natty's b-day is coming up in 2 months.  By the time I got down to the end of the street, it was dark, windy, drizzling and rush-hour.  I felt nervous getting in a cab up there- only because I've heard too many stories and known too many people who have had unfortunate experiences with taxis in places like where I was.  I decided to start walking until I got into a more well-known area and saw some interesting things along the way.  Passed the cloth/sewing market, the tupperware/baby goods market, the hardware market, the traditional dress stores, the cheap bridal dress stores and everything in between.  About a mile down, I happened to see a trufi (public transport minivan) heading my way that would take me back to my car.  I squeezed in the front (always my preferred seat since you can only fit one more in next to you and the driver) and settled in for a long ride and some people watching.  It probably only took 45 mins to get back to my car, which isn't bad for rush hour through the middle of town.  And, I actually made it home in time to say good-night to Jubilee.  Want to know what I got?  2 swim caps, 2 lbs. chia (half the price of what they sell it for where I usually shop), a Pooh Uno game for Natty, pink leggings for Natty, white sweater for Natty, and 2 sippy cups.  Was it worth it?  Probably not-but it was fun...

Big sister's prayer

Last night Natty requested that we pray for her little brother.  I think she just wanted to hang out a little longer before going to bed, but what followed was so special to me.  Her prayer went pretty much like this:  "Dear God, thank you for my little brother.  Please help him not to be afraid in the orphanage.  When he cries, let someone run over to him and pick him up.  I pray he will be nice and not be afraid when he comes home.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

It's official...

...We're expecting a baby!  Ok, not in the feeling nauseous, growing tummy, 9 months kinda way...but, in the adoption kinda way!  It might actually include a bit of feeling nauseous and possibly take 9 months, but there's no way to know yet.  We've just taken the very first baby step in meeting yesterday with a lawyer who has worked with two other ex-pat families and seems very competent/nice.  Her mom is a lawyer who actually exclusively does adoptions, so they will make a good team.  What she had to share wasn't very new, since we've asked a fair amount of questions already, but we were a bit disappointed to hear that getting an infant under 6 months of age is impossible.  Even getting one that young is rare.  From how she talked, it sounds like almost everything about your child is completely dependent on who is available at the time you turn in all your paperwork and who the judge thinks would be appropriate for your family.  You can request gender and give a preferred age range, but the rest is up for grabs.  So, we're slightly nervous about that, but also are praying that we can rest in our Father who already knows who this son of ours is, what kind of baggage he might come with and is already preparing us to know how to love him and help him.  So, first step- get our birth certificates translated and "legalized".  We left the lawyer's office feeling very vague about that process, but know of a couple people here who are going through or just finished their adoptions and so we will be bothering asking them lots of questions.  I'm ready to get things rolling, since I know paperwork can often lag in the most efficient of countries and we've been here long enough to know this is not one of those countries.  So, this has officially become an adoption blog in addition to big and fat- I hope it can one day be helpful to someone as so many other adoption blogs have been helpful to me.

It's back!

So, a few weeks ago my computer went a bit crazy and wouldn't let me log on.  I would turn it on and it would slooooowly load up and then turn itself off and repeat this ridiculous process about a dozen times.  Annoying and weird.  Then, we went to Cochabamba for a week and just tonight, we finally got a techie out to fix things.  So simple for him- wish I was more technological.  So, a report from Cochabamba.  Normally, we love this city where we met and love being able to take a half-hour plane ride to get there.  This time, the second we touched down, the faucet in Jubilee's head turned on and there was constant running out of several orifices for the next week.  Boo.  We went a couple days before our yearly SIM mission conference to chill and enjoy the somewhat warmer weather, but ended up cancelling our plans out to the mission cabin on the lake (so peaceful there!) and spending a fair amount of time worrying (OK, maybe it was just me) about J who was running a high fever and coughing too much.  We still felt pretty relaxed by the time at Dale and Debbie's house since they have a nice yard and happened to have the last season of a TV show we are totally into recorded for us to conveniently watch on their big screen.  Score.  Natty adores a yard and morning and night would find her outside crunching leaves, rolling around in the grass and exploring the garden.  I suppose I must admit that the poor girl lives in a bit of a concrete jungle around here.  Just today, however, I asked God to help me not complain about that...so, let us continue.  A good friend of mine that I called when I was worried about Jubilee passed on the prayer request for her health to our pastor who must have conveyed that the situation was a bit more grave then it really was because we received a fair amount of phone calls from our church family, with worry in their voices, asking if she was OK.  At least a dozen people asked me at church on Sunday how she was.  Apparently they prayed together as a church while we were gone and that same day, her high fever passed.  Awesome God.  Anyway, Monday we drove over (with a ridiculous amount of luggage for a week away) to a "retreat" center (we're still in a developing country- so not so "retreat" as I would like) and I have to say I was happily surprised with the locale.  It was big and sprawling and filled with trees and plants and quite pretty.  The rooms were decent and we scored a working bathroom and Natty immediately became best friends with the director's 5 year-old daughter who didn't leave her side but to sleep.  Although we suffered some rough nights with Jubilee still working through her cold and only one nap for her the whole time we were there (she usually takes 1 or 2 a day), it was so nice to be with our SIM family.  I'm not just saying it because maybe some of them read my blog, but I absolutely love our SIM mssionaires.  For the majority of them, this is the one time a year we see them and it is such an encouragement to hear about what God is doing in their lives and churches and just have fun together.  This year, we had "travel logs" by the international members of our team and got fun explanations and pictures of their home counries- including New Zealand, Malaysia, Australia, Argentina, Columbia, Holland, and Switzerland.  Cool, right?  Our days consisted of a fairly early breakfast, prayer time, a morning session with a speaker from the US, lunch, rest time (at which point I usually sat as silently on my bed as possible waiting for Jubilee to fall asleep and usually getting way too frustrated when she didn't), afternoon expo where we got to chat, by region, with missionaries about their ministries, dinner and then games.  The awesome thing about people coming down from the US is that there is always a team that does a kids program so we can drop off the munchkins and focus on grown-up things.  What a gift!  I appreciated the time away and how good it feels to be back in your own bed when it's all done.  So, for the last couple of days, we haven't had internet and I've found myself a lot more productive.  Now that it's fixed, I'll have to be a bit more disciplined in how I spend my time.  Natty is on winter break for a few weeks and I'm hoping to make the most of the time with her.  She loves to be at home, but that means sitting around getting colder in the house.  Today I had on fleece socks, a long sleeved shirt, two jackets and a hat- but I was still cold.  Maybe I should pray about not complaining about the weather, too...  To end on a positive note- I've written to an adoption lawyer so that we could meet up and chat about what the next steps look like.  Eeeeeeee!

Ten years.

Trying new Bolivian food with new roomies and new friends.

This week I celebrate 10 years of being in Bolivia.  Although it doesn't feel as exciting as a birthday or Christmas, I want to take time to reflect on all that the Lord has taught me and His faithfulness over this last decade.  I arrived in Cochabamba, Bolivia the first week of June, 2003.  I immediately started 3 weeks of training with my sending organization, Food for the Hungry, and met my 3 lovely new roommates.  I got my first taste of La Cancha, an enormous, stinky, amazing market where you can find just about anything there is to be found and then some.  I spent a lot of time there my first couple years in Bolivia and bought a whole new wardrobe there (which my mom pointed out at one time during a visit home was made up of "ratty" clothes).  I learned Spanish, I learned that I'm not very self-directed, I met a wonderful friend who challenged my Biblical understanding of life, I had lots of girl-time with my roomies, I met and fell in love with my future husband and I started to grow roots in Bolivia.  It wasn't long upon arriving to this new world that I felt I could happily stay forever.  Most people have a honeymoon phase when moving to a new country, and this was no exception, but there was also a real confirmation that God had plans for me here.  Fast forward a few years and I return married to Scotty, in a new city (La Paz) and ready for a new chapter.  This chapter has brought joy, sorrow, life, death and much grace.  I've made some very special friends here and said good-bye to many of them.  I've grown more sure in my faith while being challenged to the very core of that faith.  Through all of it, I've seen repeatedly a faithful Savior who loves me and my family and longs for His own glory through every situation He's allowed in our lives.  When I first arrived, I was a learner, soaking up everything I could with regards to the culture, the language, the people, the country.  Now, it is all so familiar and there is so little that surprises me that I think I've plateaued a little in that learning.  I'd like to return.  My Spanish is good, but it could be so much better.  Just as in my walk with Christ, I want to continue growing in my understanding of Bolivia and learn to appreciate the life I live here more each year.  God is at work here in a big way and I am thankful He's letting me and my family be a part of that.  Here's to the next 10 years...

Jubilee and the two bad mice.

Natty has lately enjoyed reading from a large volume of the works of Beatrix Potter.  One story that both of us like a lot is called The Two Bad Mice.  Maybe it's the British English of the late 1800's thing or just a literary thing that I'm too ignorant to understand, but in general I think Beatrix a rather queer writer.  That said, there is a part of two bad mice where the husband, Tom Thumb, and the wife, Hunca Munca, enter into a temporarily unoccupied doll house.  In the dining room they find lovely morsels of food which they take to be real.  When they dig into the ham, Tom Thumb breaks the knife and hurts his finger, because it is made of plaster.  They try the fish and realize it, too, is a fake.  Upon this realization, the book says, "and then there was no end to the rage and disappointment of Tom Thumb and Hunca Munca".  They proceed to smash the "food" and even try to burn it in the fire until they realize it is made of paper.  Scotty and I got a good laugh about the part that talks about "no end to the rage and disappointment"- especially when you imagine two little mice wreaking havoc on a doll house.  Well, that phrase has come to my mind several times today during particularly ugly fits Jubilee has thrown.  Natty was and continues to be a fairly docile child.  Jubilee has surprised us with her quickness at throwing a tantrum, even though they are still on a one-year old scale.  She turns red and screams and tosses her head back and arches her back and if she's on the floor and you are holding her, she'll bounce angrily up and down or just kick out her legs.  It's almost humorous- like a tiny mouse expressing its disappointment.  But, this baby will get bigger and then I'm not sure what will come.  How do you discipline a baby that throws a tantrum?  Oh, how we need God's grace.  For now, I'm thankful for a little phrase from a story about two bad mice that keeps me smiling.

Adoption.

You know that part in Lion King when one evil hyena says the kings name, "Mufasa", and the other one shivers with fear but than says, "Say it again!"?  Mufasa!  Ooooohhh!  Well, I feel a little bit like that just typing "adoption" into the subject line...kinda.  Adoption is something that we have contemplated since before having children, then put it off when we actually began having children, than felt very strongly about it again after losing Zion and now are somewhere in between all that- probably Scotty and I both right now in different places along the way.  In the last few months, I have really just wanted an email from God (who hasn't at one point or another) telling me what His FINAL WILL is for our family life as it regards children.  Wouldn't that be nice?  However, I keep checking the inbox but the closest I can get is that hyena-like shiver when I repeatedly come across blog posts that talk about adoption or abortion (which is equally as powerful in convincing me adoption is so important).  So, I ask if these are meant to be little nudges along the way, cementing that feeling that God has opened our hearts to this for a reason.  Ministry, life, marriage and two little girls keeps us from really feeling like we're in the right place to move ahead with the process- and, if I'm honest, a little bit of fear, too.  What happens if our baby has attachment issues or grows up to deal with any number of other common things that I won't even let myself read about yet?  How will this affect our planned time in the US (needing to stay a couple years in Bolivia after we adopt)?  Can we do it at the same time as building a house?  Do we really want to introduce a little boy into a little girls' world?  Do I want the abundance of energy that comes with little boys when I'm so used to sweet, low-key girls?  I'm not saying these are legitimate or even realistic excuses or problems- I'm just throwing out there some of the hang-ups that have passed through my mind at one point or another.  I am reading an excellent book by Russel Moore called Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches.  He spends a lot of time in the first part of the book trying to help you understand what it really means to be an adopted child of God, our legitimacy as sons and daughters of the Lord and what this means for us in the church- the family of God.  Then, he moves on to how this should affect how the church thinks about the adoption of children.  So far it has been quite a tool to convince me that we should adopt.  A friend of mine said I should read books that try to convince me not to adopt so that if I still come away from those wanting to adopt, I'll know it's from the Lord.  I'm not so sure that would actually be helpful but I do think that I need to spend some time evaluating the fears that I have and asking the Lord to show me what of my thoughts are based on a lack of trust in His plan for our family.  It wouldn't be the first time that doubt has sprung up, but I don't want it to rob me of the opportunity to bless and be blessed by another child.  So, this is where we are.  I hope to move beyond this soon.  I think, with much fear and trembling, I can say that I hope to move forward and see who God has pre-ordained to expand our family.

May 7, 2013

Life doesn't always lend itself to fit succinctly into a blog, so I'll just share some bits of information about my life of late.  We had a friend from our Vineyard church in Gainesville come down to see our life and pitch in for 6 days last week.  He and his wife lead the small group we were so blessed by during our stint in Florida last year and we loved that he was able to take a clear vision back of what it is we do, don't do and talk about doing.  Scotty had him working on a few small projects and we got to introduce him to some of our favorite foods and take him to Lake Titicaca.  He also got to experience the three-day yearly festivities celebrating our little town of Mallasilla.  Under normal circumstances, we try to flee during these 3 days but it wasn't possible this year and we managed to survive, just barely.  The music started up in the mid-afternoon each day and progressively got louder until things shut down around 3am.  Just when I thought it couldn't get more obnoxious or louder- it did.  And then some.  However, I am very grateful that the girls slept (mostly) well, as only small children do a midst chaos.

A highlight for both Scotty and me in the last couple of weeks was spending time individually with a certain couple in our church who also live in our neighborhood.  I was co-leading the women's Bible study with the wife and Scotty was helping the husband prepare to lead, for the first time, our small group.  More on that in our newsletter.  I've also had the lovely opportunity of being downtown more than usual in an effort to straighten out a mess (not my fault) that is my Bolivian ID paperwork.  No need to spend time ranting about that- we're almost at the place where nothing about paperwork here surprises us anymore.  Plus, I got to have a good conversation about God and the Bible with the guy who helps us with our paperwork.  So, that's cool.

Here's some little things that have made me happy recently:  I love to see proof of the lives of my children after they go to bed.  Baby stuffed animals and books on my dresser.  Stickers and paper with art work scribbled on the coffee table.  Sticky high chair tray and dirty onesies on the floor.  It makes me feel like my life is busy with special work and calls to mind the sweet and silly faces of my daughters.  It's starting to get cooler.  I have to admit, I actually am enjoying the crisper weather with bright blue skies- especially when I'm walking past the house with the wind chimes singing in the breeze.  I love how snuggly Jubilee is.  And I (kinda) love how she yelps and snorts and makes all sorts of pokes at me in the morning to get my attention when she comes into bed with us because we want Natty to sleep a little longer (they share a room).  I love how my husband can visualize our future home and how to design it to our utmost satisfaction and usage.  I have so enjoyed spending more time reading lately- mostly because I'm reading Anna Karenena, which is very well written with very complex characters.  I also am continually confronted, in a good way, with what special and meaningful friendships I have here.  Sometimes I hold my breath because I wonder if it will always be that way.  And even though I can't say they're purely happy thoughts, strong emotions related to Zion will unexpectedly flood into my day or moment that make me stop and consider my boy.  They almost always come out of no where and they are always such a weighty mix of profound sadness and at the same time, wonderful peace.  God does that, I think, to keep me from never forgetting what He showed me through the life and death of my son about Himself and to keep me sharp.  How I wish he could be here.

Is it really good?

The fact that I'm actually blogging today is nothing short of miraculous.  After praising and thanking God that Jubilee is healthy, now Scotty has fallen victim to this nasty flu.  I've literally never seen him this sick.  He hasn't gotten out of bed in almost 3 days now- except for a brief stint last night to watch some Netflix with me.  He has a constant fever and is totally useless.  This would not normally be a big deal, other than none of us liking to see him suffer, but today is a big Seder dinner that was supposed to kick off our small group.  One and the other thing has prevented us from starting our new group until now.  One of those things being the moving of a core family in our church who were such a vital part of our group, our church and in whose house we met each 15 days.  We said a tearful good-bye to them and are trying to get our feet back under us.  We thought today would be a good day to start things off right as a new group, celebrating good Friday.  However, by the time Scotty and I (mostly I) figured out he was not going to be better in time, that left me trying to figure out today what to do.  Making last minute calls, figuring out food, enlisting a little bit of help, begging with the woman who bought 13 legs of lamb and prepared them for us when we only needed 5 to let me NOT buy the other 8, coordinating tables and chairs and running other important errands while watching the girls and trying not to be exhausted because Jubilee had the worst night of sleep she's had in months is not making this day "good".  I keep telling myself- today is the day we celebrate Christ's death on the cross for my sins.  Jesus died so I don't have to be a slave to stress and crankiness and being impatient with my children.  Scotty always quotes someone (I can't remember who in this moment): "Preach to yourself, don't listen to yourself."  I've been quite a preacher today, but the message isn't sinking in.  Why can't I feel good today??  Shouldn't it be enough to remember what this holiday is all about?  There is a disconnect in that truth with my life.  Maybe I don't realize how big His sacrifice was.  Maybe I don't realize how big my need for a savior is.  Maybe I'm still trying to make it all work out with my meager resources.  Maybe I think that it's too important how this dinner and celebration time comes together.  Maybe I'm bitter because I can't catch a break these last couple of weeks.  It's good to stop and reflect and be honest with myself.  I'm scared no one is going to be able to step up and lead this night and it'll have to be me! What do I say??  I feel so unprepared- so helpless.  Maybe God has me right where He wants me to be able to show how great He is in my pathetic state.  However I feel, I know He is bigger and more capable and I'm waiting to see how He works His wonders in me and this night.

Sick baby.

To say that I worry a bit when my kids get sick is an understatement.  Ever since our experience with Zion, the slightest illness has me fighting for my faith and trust to believe that God is going to heal my baby.  The afternoon that Scotty went out of town, Sunday, Jubilee started to run a fever.  I assumed it was something minor, like teething issues, and we prayed she’d be fine while he was away.  Monday she was hot, but was acting OK, as though she were not too sick.  I had already scheduled her one-year check-up for that afternoon and waited throughout the day to see what the doctor thought was wrong with her.  When we took her temp at the pediatrician’s office, she was quite concerned that she was running 103.5 and wanted me to monitor her very closely and take a pee sample.  Well, we know all about pee samples here.  When Natty was little and running a high fever, we had to tape this little plastic bag on her to try to catch her pee.  It ended up being one of the most stressful experiences I’ve had with Natty’s health.  I had to take Jubilee downstairs to the pharmacy to get a pee collector, take her back up to wash her bottom real well in the public restroom sink, and then tape this bag on her.  Then we sat in the waiting room with a TV program playing what, of course, had to be a medical show about some horrible illness a young baby contracted and the trauma she and her parents went through to diagnose and treat her.  Well, I was already stressed out and this was not helping.  I ended up sitting around for 45 minutes waiting for my baby to pee (talk about a watched pot!) and then finally left because the dying baby on TV was not encouraging me at all.  That night, I put Natty and Jubilee with me in my room and slept little as I kept a close eye and ear on J, set multiple alarms to give her the next round of pain killers and listened to Natalie who lay awake for a couple hours after one particularly loud bout of crying from her baby sister.  The next day, the fever was about the same and Jubilee seemed to be feeling much worse.  I was tense all day, but had to leave her for a good part of the morning to attend a Father’s Day party at Natty’s school.  She seemed to feel worse and worse and by evening she had spiked another high fever, even though I had just given her a dose of ibuprofen.  By this time, I’m sick to my stomach from trying to handle all this without Scotty and am thinking I might need to take our baby into the emergency room for some blood tests.  For 2 solid days I spent almost every minute of the day fighting to trust, fighting to not freak out, fighting to find joy and telling myself that I serve a great God that loves me and my baby.  I spent a lot of mental and emotional energy on that and by Tuesday night, I couldn't keep it together any more.  I called a friend who got on the horn and within minutes had someone lined up to come stay with Natty at the house and another person to go with me to the hospital if I needed to.  I called a good friend in the US at least half a dozen times for medical advice and encouragement and had no less than 4 people asking me to call at any time of the night if I needed them.  By the time I went in to check Jubilee’s temp one more time in order to make a final decision, I knew I had a small army praying and available to me.  Praise God, her temp had dropped and I was pretty sure we’d make it through the night without a hospital trip.  The relief I felt when I felt a cooler head was palpable and I had a good cry- my heart swirling with a mix of gratitude, thankfulness and absolute recognition that no matter how weak my faith is, my God is faithful and takes care of me.  I am so humbled by the amazing friends he has given me here and being able to trust that even without Scotty’s presence, I had so many others that were there for me.  Things started out well on my birthday- with no fever.  But, as the day wore on, the baby wore out and by lunch she was hot and we had to make an emergency trip to the lab where they drew some blood.  Running around with a limp baby on my birthday, trying to find a lab open at lunch time is not my most favorite of birthday memories.  But, a few hours later when the tests came back, the doctor reported she just had a virus that we would have to wait out.  Yesterday, although still looking pretty pathetic, she seemed to be more herself.  Today, she is back to feeling pretty bad and sleeping a lot, but no fever.  So, the saga continues and although I know she has something that will eventually go away, my heart is a little tense as I watch my little one suffer.  I wonder if God, even knowing the eventual outcome, feels something like that when we suffer.  I know He knows our pain and walks with us.  I try to rest in His sovereignty and hope each time I go through these times it will come a bit more naturally to trust Him the next.

Good-bye Nana and Papa.

Last day's hiking activity with my parents and friends.

I think I just saw my parent's plane fly over our house.  They left fairly early this morning and since then I've enjoyed being in the quiet and cleaning, organizing, cooking, etc.  But, I can't say that there isn't sadness, too.  Natty started yesterday saying how she didn't want Nana and Papa to go.  She cried pretty hard this morning as they were leaving.  Good-byes have gotten so much more sad since children have come along.  Natty really gets it now- that we won't see Nana and Papa again for a long time.  It's hard to watch her suffer and know that in another reality, maybe we would see them all the time.  But, this is our reality and for the most part, we are used to living away from our families.  It's in times like these that you are faced with one of the losses you try not to think about too much that living oversees brings. I tried to remind Natty, and myself, that we were blessed to have 3 weeks with my parents and do lots of fun things together.  It was a great visit and we are thankful that our parents can make the trip here and share in our lives for a while.  I'm glad it's a sunny, happy sort of day outside and that Jubilee is sleeping long and giving me a few moments to reflect and work and pray.  I'm glad that there are things to look forward to in our lives this week and in the weeks to come.  I'm glad that one day, there will be no more good-byes and we will all be together with Christ, worshiping and playing forever.

Wedding!

Ready for the big event!

We had the great privilege of attending our house-helper, Fely's, oldest son's wedding yesterday.

Fely walking Juan Carlos down the aisle.

 It was pretty traditional, but because they are a Christian family, it lacked the obnoxious component of everyone getting trashed.  Fely asked us to be padrinos de los anillos, which means we foot the bill for the couples' wedding rings and felt honored to be asked something of such importance to them.  We're not sure what else that implies, but suspect we might find as time goes on that there are other responsibilities that accompany this honor.  In a high-context society such as this one, a lot of information is assumed understood or can be received by a third party.  We found out later that it is tradition for padrinos to be a part of the picture taking process (which occupies a couple hours after the ceremony while the guests wait patiently in the reception hall), but we had no idea so we disappeared right after the ceremony.  Oops!  Thankfully, we were able to attend the wedding with some good friends who work with Fely's husband and so we drove up together late morning for the celebration.

The church.

Waiting for the ceremony to start.

 After a quick ceremony in a small church in El Alto, we drove (because it was hailing) nearby to a reception hall, complete with posters of naked women in the entryway.  The hall was large and airy, lending itself to drafts and freezing my feet from the moment we walked in until we left, 5 hours later. People were already seated at the metal tables set up and so we sat down as well and began the long wait for the happy couple to return from their picture taking.  Usually couples will drive around to popular spots around town to take pictures, sometimes during a span of upwards of 3 hours or so, while the guests are served hors d'oeuvres (in this case, animal crackers, cheese puffs, lollipops and copious amounts of soda ) until they return.  We played a few rounds of cards while we waited and then got in line for the gift presenting after man and wife arrived.  Then, they were covered with confetti from wedding-style pinatas hanging from the ceiling, did a few laps around the hall with tables clapping as they passed and then they sat down and stared straight ahead like they were waiting for the judge's decision.

Getting confettied.

At one point, Fely and her husband came to me and Scotty and asked us to sit with them at the front because they were busy getting food ready.  I realized that this was an honor associated with us being padrinos and we obligingly sat down, boys on one side, girls on the other.

Sitting with Juan Carlos and Nancy.

I made small talk with the bride, whom I have never met, and her mom for about 45 mins or so.  It was a bit uncomfortable at times, being in center stage but not knowing what proper etiquette was.  I did my best to make friends with the nervous, young bride and asked her questions about how she and Juan Carlos had met and how they had become engaged.  We talked about her family, including 9 other brothers and sisters, and empathized with her mom who just lost her husband of 30 years a few months ago.  Finally, the couple got up together and left the building, so I took advantage of doing the same to find the sun that was finally coming out from behind the clouds and warm my chilled body.  After 10 minutes in the sun, I felt much better and figured since I saw a taxi dropping off large buckets of potatoes and wash basins full of lettuce, it must be close to lunch time (at 5pm).  We went back inside and before long, more wash basins began to emerge full of small, disposable containers of food.  We checked with Fely to see where we were supposed to be seated- it was looking cramped at the bride and grooms table.  We got the go-ahead to sit where we had started off and received our food with prayers for God's protection.  Normally, I am not concerned about food that I eat here, but this was pork, and pork can do nasty things to you.  A good Bolivian friend of ours had made a comment one time that he almost always gets sick eating pork, but it's always worth it.  I can't say as though I feel the same way.  But, we knew the right thing was to eat it and it actually tasted pretty yummy.

Lechon- pork.

 So, we enjoyed using fingers to pull of salty pig goodness, tear up potatoes, fried bananas, yams and salad.

Wash it down with some more soda and then we were off.  My parents had graciously spent the whole day watching the girls, who were both fighting colds, and we managed to make it home just in time for me to nurse Jubilee and put her to bed.  We never got to taste the cake, but that probably wasn't going to get cut until around 8pm.

11 cakes!

 All in all, it was a great experience and another way we wanted to tell Fely and her family how much they mean to us.

Chinese animal piano

Friends of ours from church gave us a present for Jubilee's birthday today.  It's called the Animal Piano.  It was made in China.  I'm afraid I am going to have to share with all of you the awesome, badly translated phrases that appear on the box.  I hope some of you laugh as hard as we did.

1. Correctly choose standard pronunciation, graceful tweedle.
2.  Lovely of! (at the top of the box)
3.  Press the animal head key, will send out each wow.
4.  Be careful of the po tential (2 words) entanglement hazard with neck, hair or fingers if there are string, wire, wheels or rolling parts in the product.
5.  Dot not shoot towards human body if the product consists of shooting function.
6.  Color and packing of the product real object have a dissimilarity to please to take real object color as quasi. (this might be my favorite).
7.  While converting to look for function, the electronic organ will send out the interjection of animal and be you press opposite in response to of key, the electronic organ will send out "you answer rightness", be you press wrong the electronic organ will rectify for you mistake. (ok, maybe this one is my fav)
8.  There is the keep company with of piano of the cartoon music piano, I can study to more music everyday, more fun.
9.  The kid studies musical teacher To the kid's vivid education start from here!
10.  Contain the small parts has already suffocate dangerous, not for children under 3 years.
11.  Have to adult is there while using play, in order to serve as guardian and point Lead.

Yes, there were that many ridiculous statements on a small box.  Also, another "Made in China" gift we received was a bag full of rattles called "baby rattles" or something that also included a warning saying "not suitable for children under 3 years of age".  Baby rattles?  Not intended for babies?  The ultimate in hilarity might have been a box labeled "Digital Train".


 It was made of wood and had parts that hooked together with numbers on them- digits.  Hence, digital train...  So awesome.

Almost one.

My mind is full of details about Jubilee's impending party on Saturday.  Appetizers and people to contact and people to remind about things they already committed to do and how to transport food and how to prepare it all ahead of time without it getting soggy.  And my days are filled with stuffing gift bags and making cupcakes and running errands and cooking and trying to spend time with my parents in the midst of busy schedules.  I desperately want to enjoy Jubilee's first birthday party, but I find myself overwhelmed with the work that it's taking to pull it off well.  I want to just kick back with my parents, play with my kids and not worry about anything.  So, I decided to take this quiet moment while the house is asleep and remember God's faithfulness in Jubilee's life- from the time of conception through her first year.  I won't have another chance to do it before she turns one, so today I will remember and be encouraged.  Oh, my, where to start?  How often I think of all that the Lord has done in her little life and know that He was so very gracious to us.  With her pregnancy came a lot of fear, but He provided amazing friends all around us to encourage me and help with Natty and other practicalities once I was on bed rest.  The two months I spent sitting on my rump gave me really special time to connect with Natty before her sister came along and taught me to depend more on the people around me.  It also showed me what a hard-working, sacrificing, loving and gracious husband I have.  In our journey back to the US, the Lord worked out several sticky situations that worked against us ever making it to Gainesville, where I felt I and the baby would be safer.  Upon arriving, I had an electric scooter loaned to me and a fantastic doctor who accepted me as his patient, even though he supposedly wasn't taking any new patients.  And, of course, parents who let us mooch off of them for 5 months and took good care of all of us. Plus, God threw in a wonderful new small group from my church that provided us with new and needed friendships and support for the months ahead.  Many fun days followed and good doctor reports that truly made us thankful after the pain we had been through with Zion.  And even though Jubilee made a surprise entry into the world a few weeks early, she was perfect and healthy and delivered by one of my new church friends!  I still remember the incredible joy I felt upon hearing her first cries- such a mix of relief and gladness and fulfilled hopes and a little bit of grief that I never heard that from my Zion.  The days ahead were hard and Jubilee struggled at a very early age with a nasty respiratory virus.  But, the illness that sends most babies that young to the hospital was passed through without major complication...although with quite a bit of concern on my part.  However, God continued to show Himself kind and powerful and really sustained us in those first few months of rocky newborn days and various health challenges as well as moving from one place to another until we returned home.  Here, Jubilee arrived without problem in the altitude- one of my greatest concerns and prayer requests and has thrived ever since.  And now she is almost one year old.  She is a joyful, smart, outgoing gift from our good Father and we celebrate her and thank Him for this time to remember all He has done in our lives.

Carnaval

It's that time of year again: carnaval.  When everything shuts down for 4 days and people decorate their homes and cars with streamers and balloons and confetti and light firecrackers and throw water balloons and wish for the Pachamama to bless them and their stuff.  We went for a drive today- something we had been waiting to get a truck to do.  We got a truck!  We took it for a drive.  We decided we'd try to find a camp ground we had heard about to see if it would be suitable for our church to have its annual camp there.  We had to take a bit of a scenic route, as the direct one was shut down due to damage done by the rains.  It seems as though a few bridges have been blown out and walls knocked over.  So, we left right after breakfast with the girls strapped in for an adventure.  We didn't know exactly where to go but headed up in the right direction and stopped on the way for a kind man to draw a map for us in the dirt.  

Man drawing route in dirt.

The roads began to get narrower and bumpier and the landscape a bit more like the country.  All around us we heard the familiar "pop!" of fire crackers and saw plenty of small children bearing large water guns.  A few flashed big grins as we drove by and they hosed down our truck with water.  A small, but steady stream wove back and forth from one side of the road to the other, crossing right through the thoroughfare of cars, trucks and donkeys.  At last, we saw a small sign announcing we had found the camp we were in search of.  There was a narrow street running down to the entrance with a small ditch cut through the middle.  Scotty decided to he would back down the street, since there was not even enough space to do a 3-point turn to get our nose in the right direction.  I cringed inside, and maybe a little out, too, but really do trust Scotty's driving ability, as he has proven himself on numerous occasions.  Shortly in, the car lurches and bumps and I'm pretty sure our tire has gone into the ditch.

Oops!

 Yes, it's confirmed.  We pile out and me and the girls head down on foot to find the camp while Scotty waits for some friendly men from the community to help him out with planks.

Pretty place to get stuck in a ditch.

Thankfully, it doesn't take long before he's free and we find someone to let us into the camp grounds.

Jubilee was quite the attraction at the camp.

Taking pictures of our baby-doll baby.

The surroundings were beautiful- I'll start with something positive.  However, I will freely admit that I'm not a "roughin' it" kind of person.  I can do it for a few days, but when you have small (crawling) children, it's different.  I tried to remind myself that there are few options in La Paz and we have to have something big enough for a good sized group as well as economical enough to not exclude anyone in the church.  I'll just say that if the elders decide we'll camp there, I will survive and write to blog about it.  But, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  Anyway, back into the car and bumping down the road pass the group of old, toothless men drinking and enjoying their holiday.  We're all tired now and Natty is making up nonsensical songs and I'm racking my brain to figure out what to make, quickly, for lunch when we get home.  Scotty is still getting over a nasty cold, so everyone but me is quietly in bed and I'm loving the still house and the blue skies we haven't seen for this long at once in weeks.  It sure has been nice to have some days off and one of these free moments I need to get my mind wrapped around finishing up Jubilee's birthday party planning and thinking through a few aspects of my parents' visit next week.  But, for now, I'll enjoy a few moments of calm.

First day.

So, I imagine you all will be wondering how the first day of school went.  It was great!  We all woke up early (too early) and excited and didn't spend as much time as we usually do lounging in bed and getting a strong cup of coffee into our systems before moving on.  I'm a little sad to be leaving behind that relaxing tradition...I'm not much for rushing around first thing in the morning.  However, we had plenty of time to get ready and eat without pushing Natty too hard and then I ended up driving her to school while Scotty stayed with Jubilee.  When we got there, I saw no cars and no people!  I suppose I should have double-checked the starting time, I thought.  When I rang the doorbell, a work kid who was painting the wall opened the door...bad sign!  But, a teacher shortly came down and I asked if Natty was supposed to come at 9, trying to imagine what we would do for half an hour before any stores open if she was supposed to arrive later.  She assured me it was fine and we went upstairs to her little classroom where a handful of kids were sitting at a table.  I left her to get acquainted and chatted a bit with the director.  She asked me to stay because they were going to have a prayer time when all the kids showed up to ask God's blessing on the school year, the kids and our families.  It was sweet to see them all standing together with the hands out, repeating the prayer of the director.  Then they sang some songs and recited some verses.  For the most part, Natty was doing her best to imitate the Spanish and looking around with curiosity, but not fear.  When they lined up to go back into their classroom, I told her good-bye and assured her we would be back when school was done.  Scotty picked her up and I was brimming with excitement and standing at the top of the stairs- dying to know what she thought of her first day.  She said she had fun, couldn't remember exactly what they did and seemed to generally enjoy herself.  Even though it's only been 3 days, every day she comes home smiling and dancing and in a great and usually silly mood.  School seems to do her good and I am so happy/relieved!  I am incredibly thankful that our friend introduced us to the school and even though it's a little too quiet in the house without her, the morning goes by quickly and I am more excited to spend focused time with her in the afternoon.  With party planning and my parents coming in about 2 weeks, I don't feel like I'll have a good idea of what my mornings might look like when things settle again, but I am already appreciating that time.  We made it...

The change.

No, I'm not going through menopause...but, my child is starting school tomorrow.  How did this happen?  How can 4 1/2 years pass by so quickly?  I imagine I am not new to these feelings of seeing your little ones grow up.  I just sent Scotty and Natty off to a superbowl party while I sit at home with a sleeping baby and a nasty cold.  It feels very final.  Natty will come home from the party, go to sleep, and wake up in the morning to get ready for school.  That's it.  No more, what do you want to play this morning?  Will you come to the market with me?  Do you want to help me in the kitchen?  Now it will be, see you after school!  Be kind to the other kids.  Do you remember how to tell the teacher in Spanish if you need to go to the bathroom?  What is it that makes us not want changes, new phases?  Natty's little life has been a greater joy to us than we could have imagined and challenged me as a woman and mother and daughter of God in so many ways.  But, instead of appreciating this time, I just wonder if I played with her enough, if I really listened, if I stopped enough to show her that what she was saying was important to me.  My plea of the Lord is that I will be thankful for every moment I have and look forward to the promises that come in every new phase.  Of course it's natural to mourn that they will never be so very little and dependent on you in the same way- but there must be so much fun to come!  I think I need this little prod to remind me to take advantage of every moment with my children and not be so easily distracted by other things, because life is short.  What a gift to be responsible for steering our little ones down the right path in life.  So humbling to be on the same journey with them and to practice forgiveness as we both stumble.  I'm proud of my sweet Natalie.  She is maturing into a wonderful, creative, thoughtful, empathetic little girl and I can only thank my God that He has given me the grace and privilege of being her mother.

Seasons.

I feel like I hear the word "season" a lot in the Christian vocabulary (mine included)...  A "season of quiet" or a "season of busyness" or a "season of rest".  It's a good word, I think, because there does seem to be defined periods of time that the Lord creates in our lives that often have distinct beginnings and/or endings.  I think I'm coming to an end of a season, of sorts.  And, I'm not sure how well I'm handling it.  It's the season of babies.  I've had my last, unless the Lord adds by adoption.  One child is starting school in a few weeks.  I went to her little kindergarten and enrolled her yesterday.  Then I bought her some jello to make myself feel better.  I'm not freaking out yet, but I might cry a bit the week she starts.  I had to remind myself that some missionaries have to send their kids to boarding school and at least she'll still be living with us and home in the afternoons.  Also, I'm planning a huge first birthday party for next month.  My baby is going to be one.  So, I feel this change and have been feeling it coming ever since Jubilee was born.  My kids will only get older and bigger and more mature now.  We won't go through newborn cries and breastfeeding and snugly baby stages anymore.  I think I've done a fair amount of grieving (or complaining) about that already so I'm starting to come to terms with it.  But, it feels weird.  However, I'm starting to learn that life is a series of events that may or may not be exactly what you want and  you can choose to fight against them or trust that they are the Lord's perfect plan for your life and they are good.  I'm working on the latter.

Differences.

Sometimes we're surprised by how frequently we continue to clash with Bolivian culture.  I think we're realizing that we are and always will have a North American way of thinking and reasoning and it's not something we're always even aware of until we find ourselves frustrated inexplicably.  It's helpful to see it, however, and to come to understand the fundamental differences that shape Bolivians in their own special way.  So, as Scotty and I continue to adjust to life here after almost 10 years (!), I just wanted to share more about what I love about this country.  Yesterday, Scotty and I had a few minutes in the afternoon to take a walk together.  We walked as a family to a house nearby where Natty has a special friend, dropped her off, and then hiked around with Jubilee in her backpack.  As we were returning, we ran into a new-ish neighbor that we have exchanged pleasantries with a handful of times, but don't know well.  She was walking with her sister and we stood around for some time talking with her, sharing our hopes to start building our home across the street from her very soon and so on.  Her sister, who doesn't even live in Bolivia anymore, offered the use of her house (that she stays at when she is in town) to store building materials in if we want to buy them early before prices go up again.  She told us to stop by anytime and made sure that we knew exactly where her house was and gave us the exact date of her departure so that we could catch her before she leaves.  Our neighbor offered to give us any help we might need as we thought about starting our house, since they had recently built their own home.  A common phrase I hear here is "cualquier cosa"- if people can do anything for you, they will and are honored to be asked.  I love how involved people want to be in your life and that feel of community you have with your neighbors and those in your circle.  It can be tough to get used to from our very independent mindset when you're given unsolicited advice from everyone and anyone, but we see now that it means people care and I see how much closer that is to what God intends for us as His family- to be intimately involved in each others lives.  I pray that I can learn from my Bolivian friends.