Sick baby.

To say that I worry a bit when my kids get sick is an understatement.  Ever since our experience with Zion, the slightest illness has me fighting for my faith and trust to believe that God is going to heal my baby.  The afternoon that Scotty went out of town, Sunday, Jubilee started to run a fever.  I assumed it was something minor, like teething issues, and we prayed she’d be fine while he was away.  Monday she was hot, but was acting OK, as though she were not too sick.  I had already scheduled her one-year check-up for that afternoon and waited throughout the day to see what the doctor thought was wrong with her.  When we took her temp at the pediatrician’s office, she was quite concerned that she was running 103.5 and wanted me to monitor her very closely and take a pee sample.  Well, we know all about pee samples here.  When Natty was little and running a high fever, we had to tape this little plastic bag on her to try to catch her pee.  It ended up being one of the most stressful experiences I’ve had with Natty’s health.  I had to take Jubilee downstairs to the pharmacy to get a pee collector, take her back up to wash her bottom real well in the public restroom sink, and then tape this bag on her.  Then we sat in the waiting room with a TV program playing what, of course, had to be a medical show about some horrible illness a young baby contracted and the trauma she and her parents went through to diagnose and treat her.  Well, I was already stressed out and this was not helping.  I ended up sitting around for 45 minutes waiting for my baby to pee (talk about a watched pot!) and then finally left because the dying baby on TV was not encouraging me at all.  That night, I put Natty and Jubilee with me in my room and slept little as I kept a close eye and ear on J, set multiple alarms to give her the next round of pain killers and listened to Natalie who lay awake for a couple hours after one particularly loud bout of crying from her baby sister.  The next day, the fever was about the same and Jubilee seemed to be feeling much worse.  I was tense all day, but had to leave her for a good part of the morning to attend a Father’s Day party at Natty’s school.  She seemed to feel worse and worse and by evening she had spiked another high fever, even though I had just given her a dose of ibuprofen.  By this time, I’m sick to my stomach from trying to handle all this without Scotty and am thinking I might need to take our baby into the emergency room for some blood tests.  For 2 solid days I spent almost every minute of the day fighting to trust, fighting to not freak out, fighting to find joy and telling myself that I serve a great God that loves me and my baby.  I spent a lot of mental and emotional energy on that and by Tuesday night, I couldn't keep it together any more.  I called a friend who got on the horn and within minutes had someone lined up to come stay with Natty at the house and another person to go with me to the hospital if I needed to.  I called a good friend in the US at least half a dozen times for medical advice and encouragement and had no less than 4 people asking me to call at any time of the night if I needed them.  By the time I went in to check Jubilee’s temp one more time in order to make a final decision, I knew I had a small army praying and available to me.  Praise God, her temp had dropped and I was pretty sure we’d make it through the night without a hospital trip.  The relief I felt when I felt a cooler head was palpable and I had a good cry- my heart swirling with a mix of gratitude, thankfulness and absolute recognition that no matter how weak my faith is, my God is faithful and takes care of me.  I am so humbled by the amazing friends he has given me here and being able to trust that even without Scotty’s presence, I had so many others that were there for me.  Things started out well on my birthday- with no fever.  But, as the day wore on, the baby wore out and by lunch she was hot and we had to make an emergency trip to the lab where they drew some blood.  Running around with a limp baby on my birthday, trying to find a lab open at lunch time is not my most favorite of birthday memories.  But, a few hours later when the tests came back, the doctor reported she just had a virus that we would have to wait out.  Yesterday, although still looking pretty pathetic, she seemed to be more herself.  Today, she is back to feeling pretty bad and sleeping a lot, but no fever.  So, the saga continues and although I know she has something that will eventually go away, my heart is a little tense as I watch my little one suffer.  I wonder if God, even knowing the eventual outcome, feels something like that when we suffer.  I know He knows our pain and walks with us.  I try to rest in His sovereignty and hope each time I go through these times it will come a bit more naturally to trust Him the next.