Here's some more pics of my perfect baby. Isn't it funny how you have all these doubts and questions and wonder if your baby is normal and eating enough and sleeping right and blah, blah, blah...but then you look at her while she's sleeping or while she's up and alert and looking around and think she's the most perfect, beautiful baby ever? All those anxious thoughts flee for a few minutes...until the next feed time. :) Today is the first day that I feel somewhat nomal. I definitely don't have it all down and can't imagine doing anything else but taking care of Natalie- but I feel more hopeful about the job. It's been a rough few days, to be honest. Between the pain from C-section recovery and the constant doubts about feeding, specifically, I have been a bit fearful of many things. I have prayed often, with Scotty and on my own, for the peace that surpasses understanding and that I can really trust in the Lord to guide us in this time. It is a constant battle to not worry, but I know that He is with us. I'm receiving visitors at home for the first time today, as well, and look forward to feeling like I can interact with her and the outside world at the same time.

Natalie is a very sweet baby. She doesn't fuss much, goes down fairly easily most of the time, and loves to lay on a blanket and look at Daddy or stare out the window. Obviously, you can't tell much about personality at this point, but I think she'll be a mild-mannered little girl and a joy to be around. I love learning more about her every day and have come to realize that this is my God-given ministry at this point- to be a mommy. I will eventually be able to incorporate more and more outside ministry into my life again, but I know I don't need to feel pressure to do that right now (even though I sometimes do). My house is getting a cleaning and re-organizing from top to bottom, by my great mom, while I hang out with the baby. This is a huge blessing to me as well and hopefully I can keep up what she's started after she's gone. She takes off on Saturday and I'm not sure how I'll manage everything without her help- but I'm trying not to think about that right now.

Well, I had better grab some lunch before the little girl is up and ready to have some lunch of her own!

Cutest baby ever!

I've been hoping to blog for a few days now, but have been a bit busy with other things. I'll make this one short and promise to post some more pics in the next few days. For now, here is me and my sweet baby. Natty is doing really well and wooing all of us each day. I'm recovering slowly, but thankfully, have a very helpful mother and awesome husband that do so much for me. That gives me time to feed Natalie and rock her and change her diapers and put her to sleep. You can pray for our feeding times- I've got a very lazy nurser on my hands and she seems to sleep the best when she's "nursing". It's been a bit frustrating for me because I'm not sure if she's getting all that she needs and wonder if it will affect my milk supply. I'm going to start pumping tomorrow in hopes that it will help keep things up. Nights are tough, but I feel like she's getting into somewhat of a time routine- or at least, we know what to expect in how long she will sleep and eat. Scotty's my pro diaper changer, burper, putter-to-bedder through the night, which is a life-saver for me. She already has him wrapped around her finger. Our community here has been fantastic in both visits and giving us space, prayers, and meals- God has been so gracious in giving us these friendships and surrogate family members. Although I have not responded to many of you, I appreciate all the loving words and prayer that you have sent our way. I'm sure I'll appreciate the advice I'll receive from this blog as well. Stay tuned for further info...

The Scoop

Well, I'm still in the hospital, but out of bed for the first time- woohoo! Recovery from a C-section is a terrible thing to go through when you desperately want to take care of your baby, or even just shift positions. I'm sure all you mommies that have had the section can relate. Anyway...I'll try to give you all the dirty details before Natalie needs to be fed again.

I actually woke up at 6 on the dot the morning I was supposed to be induced, with contraction like pain (I thought I had just eaten something bad the day before). I starting timing the pain, and it was about every 6 minutes for around 40 seconds...whoa! Could this be labor? Well, by the time we arrived to the hospital about 8 and the doctor checked me, he sadly told me there was still no progression. Apparently, Natalie was trying to push out, but was still stuck behind some bone. He went ahead with a small amount of Pitocin and from about the second the drop entered my blood stream, there an intense pain as I could have never imagined, with pretty much no let up- no time to take a breath and prepare for the next. I was going to try to do things the "natural" way, but found that I could not bear the pain I was experiencing. Unfortunately, the doctor had gone back to his office with promises to call every hour. We had a doctor check me and then call my doctor, because only he could approve an epidural. When the doctor here checked me, I was already at 8 cm (from 0)- after about an hour. My doctor flew back, took me to the birthing room, popped in the epidural, and I was at 10 before I had a chance to really know what was going on. Then it was time to push! OH, beautiful epidurals. I could have pushed all day and was determined I was going to make that baby come out the normal way. Unfortunately, as much as we pushed and pulled and prodded, her head was stuck against that bone and too high for forcepts to be safe. There were minor signs of distress, although her heart beat stayed strong, praise God. So, it was off for an emergency C-section and then the amazing sound of our baby crying herself into the world-10:45am. I saw her on the table as they cleaned her up, with nice purple feet paddles very much resembling her dad's. She was big and perfect- 7lbs. 11oz., 201/2in. Did that really come out of me? We don't think she looks like either of us, but every morning when they bring her back from the nursery, I pick up on another feature that could be one of ours. She has dark grey eyes and a light fluffing of blondish brown hair. She's awesome. She's been very alert during the day, wanting to nurse almost incesantly, and conks out all night. Scotty has been a rock-star diaper changer and my mom is doing great with trying to calm her when she's upset. She makes cute little squeek noises sometimes when she's startled in her sleep. We've had tons of visitors, bringing lots of yummy things I'm pretty sure my digestive track isn't ready for (lucky Scotty and Mom) and flowers. I'll post some pics and then I need to take a break. I'll be updated more frequently, hopefully, now that I'm feeling a bit better.

Friends and flames

We had a very succesful marshmallow roasting night last night on the land. Success for one of these events includes huge flames, happy children, neighborhood families, and sticky fingers. All of those ingredients were present in abundance. Scotty got the fire roaring at 8 en punto (on the dot) with the kids he most sees when he spends time on the land, and who often help him move sticks or chop down bushes or wheelbarrow rocks from one place to another. They are hard workers! They're also polite, as they spent most of the evening asking, "Can I have another marshmallow please?" about 20 or so times each. Scotty gave a roasting lesson- no setting your mallow on fire and you must be patient until it turns a nice gold color, preferably over the coals, not the flames.The kids listened very attentively and then proceeded to hold their treats high over the flames for about 15 seconds before asking, "is it done??". Some got the hang of it, but after a few like this, they were mostly eating them raw and in large quantities. Thankfully, we had a few families show up and so we had to split the marshmallows, meaning the kids couldn't eat themselves totally sick (although several went home with hurting bellies). About 4 families from the church that live nearby trickled in over the course of 2 hours or so, shared some marshmallows and chat, and then headed on. We ended the night with a couple from our small group and their 2 kids, sitting in chairs around the now dwindling fire and talking, oddly enough, about superheros. As Scotty told someone this morning, it wasn't exactly an evangelistic event, but a great opportunity to share life with the kids we will be living next door to and those that we worship with on Saturdays and Sundays- an excellent time that God will use to strengthen our relationships. I was glad Scotty came up with the idea and that Mom and I had plenty of energy to partake and enjoy ourselves.
For those of you interested, here's my German/Argentine/Bolivian doctor whom I will see in the morning to (hopefully) get the final word on what the plan is going to be -induce or wait longer? Please pray for wisdom as he might leave it up to me, unless he sees definitively that we can't wait any longer, and I don't want to make a decision based on impatience, but what is best for Baby. Thanks!

Definition of Insanity

I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. After today, I also think it should have something to do with aimlessly climbing stairs. I've walked up and down the stairs to our third-story apartment 15 times today, since getting home from my doctor's appointment. He said it could help the baby reposition herself. Is this insanity?

In other news, Scotty has decided he wants to finally have the marshmallow roast he's been promising the neighborhood kids on our land tonight. I have to say my energy levels are not what they usually are (could it be from walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 15 times?), nor is my people energy. I've noticed lately that my mind is mostly consumed with this baby arriving and anything that falls outside of that sphere doesn't interest me a whole lot. It is a tough road to walk when you are a missionary and intimately involved in the lives of lots of people. This is good for me to think about and pray about, as I know the first few weeks of her life will consume me, but it is important that I am still in contact with people around me. I have a tendency to enjoy escaping to my cave and pretending like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I am asking the Lord for wisdom in how to balance these things and I think it starts even now, before she's here. I'll post pics soon of the marshmallow roast/bonfire (what is it that makes men LOVE to make big, burning piles of stuff?)- I know it will be a good time.

Baby update

Another visit to my doctor this morning- I feel it's become a second home. There is still no dialation but thankfully, all is well with the placenta, fluid, heartbeat, and baby. He said upon checking that her (big) head (he actually called her a "bighead") was pushing against the lower part of the wall of the cervix instead of the center part, therefore, no dialation. If her head were to move up just a bit, it would help the whole process a lot. I asked if there was anything I could do to help her move, like walk, climb stairs, crawl around on my hands and knees, etc... He seems to think nature will take its course if it's going to. Happily, he is being patient and is giving me until Sunday before he induces. If he sees even half a millimeter of dialation by Saturday, he'll let things go on their own. If not, it's oxytocin for me! It's nice to see an end in sight and our prayer, of course, is that she comes on her own. I have this weird feeling it will be soon- we'll see if that's intution or desperation. :) Thanks for all your kind words and prayers- I know you're all hoping along with us!

PS She was drinking amniotoic fluid like a maniac while we got the ultrasond, sticking her big lips in and out quite rapidly. Scotty said she looks like Homer Simpson- what a sweet daddy. :)

Another Top 10

Ten things going through my head as I'm officially "overdue":

10. Can't buy too many perishable food items cause I might be in the hospital tomorrow (which means lots of grocery trips).

9. Is it possible for the baby to continue moving down and squashing my bladder?

8. I didn't think I'd make it to this meeting/party/church service (or any other function) at this point...

7. Why did I get that pedicure/manicure so early?

6. Could there possibly be anything else to wash/prepare for the nursery?

5. Could this strange feeling/twang/pinched nerve/slight cramp be the beginning of labor??

4. How many phone calls can I get in one day asking if the baby has come yet (I seriously just got a phone call after typing this sentence)?

3. I'm super hungry, but I'm afraid to eat much more because my baby is only packing on the pounds as she chills out in my belly (which means it'll be harder to push her out).

2. Have I already forgotten everything I've read and learned in the past 9 months?

1. Is it possible that she'll stay in there forever?

Projects

I haven't posted much about the nursery because I've wanted to wait until we got it all put together before showing pics. But, I'll put up a few of the newest advancements and before too long, the whole room.
Mom sewed these raspberry colored bumpers with periwinkle dots before she got here and I bought the foam to stuff them with. That was one of her first accomplishments after she came. So, how does one lower the side of a crib that has a bumper on it? Is it supposed to fit down between the gate and the side of the crib? This is one we have to figure out...I stole this idea from my friend Kelly who had seen it in an on-line store (I think). Mom brought down some scrap fabrics with periwinkle and yesterday we drew animals and stuck some stick-on letter to cheap canvases I bought here. The giraffe is in Spanish, just to mix things up a bit. My good friend Whitney surprised me with this beautiful hot-air balloon painting she did for the baby. It matches beautifully with the periwinkle throw I have over the chest of drawers we had made. We've also got a hot-air balloon puzzle that was being given away to the first finder (only missing 11 pieces out of 1000) and an adorable watercolor with a hot-air balloon that my mom painted and brought down. Those still need to be framed after we get the baby's name put on one and then I'll post those pics too. I love the room and think Baby will too!

Regressing

Have any of you noticed that my little pregnancy widget is starting to count back up from zero since I've passed the due date that it was originally programmed for ("3 days left")? Ironic, since I've been telling Scotty for about a week now that I feel that I'm becoming less pregnant. Because the baby has dropped a little, my tummy looks smaller from my angle, my pelvis hurts less than it did two weeks ago, and of course, there is still no baby. I'm convinced, I think I'm regressing...

Miscalculation...

I'm going to try real hard not to complain and sound irritated in this blog...although I have to admit that I was ready to wring my doctor's neck yesterday. I don't know how many times I have explained to him that I have very long cycles and wondered if that could change the due date of the baby. Yesterday, I found out that he had my cycles noted in his files as a normal time frame and told him that there was a mistake there. "Oh, that changes everything!" he says. "We have more time." So, now we're looking at the possibility of next Tuesday before the baby could come or before he decides to induce (he has explained that the placenta ages much more rapidly in the altitude, which is why he won't let his patients go more than a day or two past their date). Well, after a week of going in almost every day and hearing that nothing was progressing or changing, this all made sense, but was also very, very disappointing. Again, I'm sure all you moms understand that feeling of being beyond ready to meet your baby, so being told that it could be a week longer than you thought is disheartening. The rest of the day was rough as I continued to mull over this fact and think about how all my planning was perfect for her to come when she was originally planned (as if due dates are ever very accurate). I was convicted many times of trusting the Lord's plans, however different from my own, and His timing- but wanted to reject that idea in my highly emotionally state. I admit even now it is a battle not to get upset when people call to ask if she's come yet or anytime I go into the doctor, which is daily now. Thankfully, he's given me a doppler scanner to take home with me so that I can check the baby's heartbeat on my own and keep me from needing to go in all the time. But, when it's all said and done, I must submit my will, my desire to the Lord. He is good, His ways are perfect- do I really believe this enough for it to affect my emotions, my attitude, my thoughts?

Not yet...

I wish I could say my week absence means I've had the baby, but not yet. My mom came in on Thursday, we have been working on finishing the nursery, washing baby clothes (she brought me a heap), and even got a pedicure and manicure so the nails would look nice while I'm in the hospital. Bags are packed, baby car seat is installed, meals are beginning to freeze as I type. So, what are we waiting for? All our friends at church came to me this morning to pat the belly, offer an encouraging word and remind us to call as soon as anything exciting happens. The doctor has me coming in every 2 days and so I've heard more times that I'd like to, "there's no change". I know things can change very rapidly, but I guess I assumed it would be gradual, therefore I wonder when that process is actually going to start. We were all hoping this weekend would be the time, but here we sit. It's nice to have a few days with Mom before the arrival to catch up and get some things done around the house, but I'm ready for my daughter to get here already. :) I'm sure all moms know what I'm feeling. But, like all things, this is under the sovereign hand of the Lord and in line with His perfect plans. I pray for peace and patience to wait for His timing. Until then...stay tuned!

Making the most

Now that I can count the days left on two hands before baby comes, I think even more often about appreciating these pre-baby days with Scotty- doing what we like to do, when we like to do it. This weekend was full of those moments. Friday night we had a huge bonfire/birthday party at our land for our friend Tim. About 20 people came and we roasted sausages, hotdogs, and marshmallows over the fire, talked, laughed, juggled hot coals (Scotty and Tim started it), and enjoyed the true gift from the Lord that this property is for us. About 10:30 I hit a wall and announced to Scotty I must return to the house before I fell over from sleepiness... Saturday, I was able to spend most of the morning cooking dinner and dessert for some friends that were coming over in the evening. I've also constructed the reputation in our small group for making "yummy things" and so I made one of our favorite cake recipes- oatmeal with coconut icing. Small group, even though a huge part of our ministry, is also one of those special times I know will change when the baby comes along. I won't be able to sit still and uninterrupted for 2 hours to chat, listen, and share what the Lord is teaching me. Hopefully I won't have to miss many of these meetings and I always pray that the baby will conveniently take a nap during this time, but we'll see what reality has in store. I love to hear things like "coming to this group challenges me in my own personal walk with the Lord" or "I like to hear the perspectives and experiences of other believers because it teaches me so much and makes me want to grow more"- it is a gift that these people really are learning from the Word and from each other. They are also like aunts and uncles for our unborn baby. One family that we are particularly close to called us several times when the moon completed its cycle, sure that meant that I must have gone into labor. When they couldn't get a hold of us (probably because we were asleep), their 10 and 12 year old sons pleaded that they all go to the hospital together, convinced I was there. I love that people are so excited about our little girl! And Saturday night, we had the chance to have a sweet couple over for dinner who are super excited about doing medicine on the mission field, and a turn of events had us invite them last-minute to spend the night. That would not have been as stress-free with an infant around! Sunday afternoon was all-out relax. I took a nap, took a walk with Scotty, and made a come-back win in Backgammon. I have so appreciated these last few years, just me and him. As much as I think about how a baby will change our lives and our marriage- I am extremely grateful that the Lord has created her and can't wait to start this next phase of life.