New baby.

Well, I'll blog about Jubilee's actual birth experience next time.  My time is limited, but instead of taking a nap, I'll give some fun details about how things are going.  Jubilee is so very sweet and tiny.  No one has been at all concerned about her weight (5lbs.15oz), she had 9 out of 10 for her Apgar scores, she has been deemed very healthy in her subsequent pediatric reviews and her color is great!  However, it's still a little disconcerting to me that she is so small.  And, like all newbies, she's lost a couple ounces.  Today, I also found out she is tongue-tied.  This means the piece of skin that holds her tongue to the floor of her mouth is short (although not terribly) and keeps her tongue from jutting out like it should.  The doctor wasn't concerned initially and said we could just keep an eye on it to see if it would inhibit breastfeeding at all.  We were happy with that, as I felt she was latching perfectly fine.  Then, a lactation consultant came by and watched her nurse and commented that she wasn't latching as well as she could and mentioned monitoring her weight gain.  Well, any potential for not gaining weight or having breast feeding issues in my mind was not an option.  So, we were able to catch the pediatrician from this morning, discuss it with him and he agreed to go snip this little piece of skin that would loosen her tongue.  It took about 10 mins and she was back in our arms, totally calm and not bleeding at all!  How snipping something inside your mouth could not hurt is beyond me, but she was nursing again in no time!  So, hopefully she'll figure out how to use that tongue right and we can move on.  She spent most of yesterday asleep, but we got a taste for her cry last night as she kept us up most of the night trying to entice us to play instead of sleep.  I should have known, since evening was always the time she was most active in utero.  We weren't totally unprepared for this possibility, but it is exhausting.  After denying the heavier drugs this morning out of some desire to not give in if not necessary, I realized how necessary it was to not be in so much pain and took a couple pills.  That gave me and baby J a chance to nap together and the world seemed like a better, calmer place after that.  And, I had a Krispy Kreme donut...almost as good as the drugs.  And (I'm a bit out of order here, but my brain is not fully functioning yet), weird of all weird- we called the nurse in for help yesterday and next thing we know, there is a kiwi accent at our door saying, "Did someone call for a nurse?"  And who does it turn out to be but an old SIM colleague who lived in the same region as us in Bolivia!  Her and her husband left the field in 2009 and we weren't sure what had become of them.  Having her walk into our hospital room was a huge and fun surprise and we were able to catch up with them and her hear all the latest from SIM Bolivia.  Crazy!  God has had some wacky things planned for us in all this...

So, those are the highlights so far.  Natty is pretty enthralled with "Baby Jubilee" and loves to touch her skin and say, "Soft, huh??" and kiss her on the head.  I'm not quite sure what to expect when we get home with her and I'm wanting/trying to play with Natty and help our new one learn how to sleep and get on a schedule of sorts.  We are incredibly grateful that our prayers for health have been answered and will continue to trust that she will stay well and grow into the big baby we were hoping for.  God has been so merciful and we can't wait to get to know our daughter more!

The end is near.

Today has been the epitome of dreary.  I woke up from restless sleep and found it to be grey and rainy outside.  The two trees in the front yard that we look at each morning from out bedroom window are completely leafless, not so common in North Florida where we enjoy mostly evergreen varieties that look happy all year round.  If I didn't know better, I'd think it could snow.  I decided to stay home from church this morning in order to give my body a rest.  Yesterday, I overdid my activity level and spent the majority of the day out- walking, standing, getting up and down numerous times.  It was a good day spent with my family and Scotty and I finished it out amazed at the sweetness of our little Natalie.  She's by no means perfect, as we parents know all too well, but I am daily grateful for her ability to maintain a good attitude and be a pleasure to be around in situations that some kids would not endure patiently.  She has this ability to make fun for herself- as long as we are out of the house.  In the house, she wants you to entertain and interact with her all day, every day.  When we go out shopping, she skips around the store pointing out shiny belts and pretty dresses and cooing over clothes like a teenager on a shopping spree- "OOohh!  Look at this pretty shirt Mommy!  Isn't it beautiful?"  Yesterday, as a friend took some last minute belly shots at a lovely outdoor venue in Gainesville, she ran around picking us flowers and looking for ants and generally having the time of her life while we posed and smiled and mostly ignored her when she wasn't a part of the shot.  I have to admit that the relative ease of having a child of this calm temperament and at an age where she can do most things for herself without needing my constant involvement is really nice.  I feel spoiled, even.  Then, I think about the days to come.  Starting over again from scratch with a newborn who will need me day and night and depend on me for food, comfort and even to help her sleep.  Part of me looks forward with great expectation to having such a little one again.  Part of me is a little fearful!  I think the problem is that I recognize my own selfishness and the great enjoyment of having my own time and not having to be bothered so often by tending to other people.  And yet, I believe so strongly in a woman's natural role and inclination to be a mother- including completely dying to self and putting the needs of others before ones' own.  Isn't this a mandate for all of us who are children of God?  But, seriously- who's really mastered that with no remaining struggle??

I'm also finding it harder as the due date approaches to not stir up anxiety in my heart.  I've been trying to figure out why it's actually increasingly difficult to be at peace now that I am technically full term than it was before this.  I know that I want with all my heart to make it to March 12th so that I and my family can play this whole thing out just as we expect it to.  I'm pretty sure there is still some baggage within me and terribly negative associations that come along with labor and delivery happening before the expected time.  And yet, I know that when it happens, it will not surprise the Lord who ordains all events and controls our days.  But, there's a pretty huge resistance in my mind when I think of stuff getting started earlier than it "should".  And lately, I have certainly noticed more and more signs that the end is near.  The last thing I wanted was to spend the last bit of my pregnancy weighed down by worry.  I feel like I'm in that situation where people tell you to enjoy something to the fullest (usually something that you know you will not experience again), but you're just not sure how or what that means.  I am more grateful to God than I can remember ever being for the time and experiences He's already given us and I just want to end with that same feeling of gratitude and not slip back into that daily battle of whether or not I can really trust Him.

Just some thoughts in these last days.  Although there are some tough things going on in my heart, I am so ready to meet Jubilee, to have her in our arms, to take care of her and experience this new season for our family.  God has brought much healing and so much joy through this new life.  I am thankful for her.

God provides

I know as Christians, we are aware of the scripture that promises that God will provide for us and we've probably thrown it out there to friends in need without necessarily even believing it ourselves.  But have you ever had one of those seasons or even moments where it just becomes so real to you- when you see the hand of God specifically meeting a need in your life?  This whole time back in the states has been proof after proof of God showing Himself faithful to us and providing in ways that are generous in only a way that God can be generous.  For me, His provision hasn't necessarily been to meet needs that couldn't have been met otherwise, but going above and beyond meeting our needs in order to show me that He cares for me and really does want me to experience good after wrestling with a lot of what felt to be bad.  Today is a prime example.  My gracious aunt had donated a car seat and stroller system to us to use for Jubilee and we went down to get the car seat checked out by the Shands Safe Kids program (totally a worthwhile, free program).  The lady who checked it out immediately noticed that it was 13 years old and said she could not be liable for installing a seat that is 7 years expired.  We totally understood and wouldn't want to use a seat that could be potentially dangerous, but were bummed that we'd have to buy a new seat just for the few months we'll have left in the US.  However, before the morning was over, we had someone give us a brand new seat!  God pretty much immediately provided that particular gift for us, even though we could have afforded to buy one if that was what we needed to do.  How awesome is that??  And, this was coming on a day where I was starting to feel nervous again about the pregnancy- a bit of concern over some aches and pains and pressures I had been feeling since yesterday.  I felt like the car seat gift was not just to meet that need but to also remind me not to worry- He has it all under control and it's going to be good.  It's a shame to me that I feel a bit corny writing it out this way, because it sounds a bit like a Sunday school lesson I probably heard a million times growing up.  But truly, the greatness and generosity of God has become so much realer to me in the last year or so than ever before in my life.  I love that God has used Zion's life to reach me in this way.

Scotty's coming home!

Chalking up the tree in the front yard.

I just talked with Scotty in the Toledo airport and am pumped that his road trip has come to a close.  It's been an incredible 2 1/2 weeks for him- reuniting with old friends, supporters and family members.  The Desiring God pastor's conference was a great time of encouragement and personal challenge for him and a special time of sharing this world with our good friend and Bolivian pastor, Edgar.  I know Scotty got a kick out of showing him some of his favorite Minneapolis haunts, as well as introducing him to special people that have been praying for our ministry and for Edgar and his family for years.  I wish I could have been there to see Edgar piling up his Target cart with all sorts of stuff that is nicer quality and cheaper here in the U.S.- I kind of have this mental image of that old game show "Supermarket Sweep" (I might be the only nerd that really liked that show) where people are racing around the aisles of the grocery store trying to buy as much expensive stuff as possible in order to win.  Anyway, I just keep thinking how gracious God continues to be in every aspect of this time in the states and how smoothly things lined up for him as he hopped around 4 states and back.

While he was away, he got some positive feedback about the blog that he shared with me.  I've been especially aware since our experience with Zion that there are people out there (you know who you are) who read and even follow the blog that I have never met or spoken with.  I suppose everyone likes a peek into the private world of another person who has dealt with struggles very much like their own.  Part of why I write this blog is because of a strong conviction that Christians need to be real and transparent with one another- and the world at large.  I firmly believe that God can handle our occasional doubts, questions, fears, irrationalities and general quirks.  I think He receives a lot of glory from those things being worked out as He sheds light into the dark places where we sometimes walk.  I hope that's what's happening here from time to time.  Maybe I've mentioned it before- but it gives me pause to realize that there is an audience larger than what I once realized before me.  I've been thankful to know that God has used the blog to encourage others who are struggling, but freak out just a little on the inside to think that maybe I'm supposed to be writing this deep and completely interesting material or people will wander away.  Lots of times, the blog is just a simple "here's what I've been up to" for those who really know me and care.  So, I suppose I'm just thinking aloud again (however loud the world wide web is) about this thing called Scotty and Lisa's big fat blog (can you tell we put a lot of thought into the name when we first started?) and what its purpose is.  Take from it what you will.

I'm 5 weeks from J-day- Jubilee's birthday.  5 weeks!  Did this pregnancy go by already?  Thinking back over the last 34 weeks sets off an explosion of thoughts in my mind like little pieces of confetti that have words on them and are laying around on the floor waiting to put into some comprehensible order.  Does that make sense at all?  My mind often tries to compare the thoughts I had at the beginning of the pregnancy of what it might look like with thoughts on this end of what actually happened and it all becomes a crazy mess of thoughts and emotions.  What continues to be outstanding is God's amazing grace through it all.  It sounds trite to say it- but I can't deny that it's true.  I didn't dare to even think or dream that things could have worked out as well as they have.  And even now, as I get big and round and sore with the growing baby in my womb, I still struggle to think it's all going to work out just right.  Every tightening of the belly brings a slight twinge of worry.  Am I going into premature labor again?  Should I be timing this?  Has this been happening a lot today without me noticing?  Would it be bad if it did?  Women are champion worriers.  God tells us real clearly not to do this.  I'm trying real hard to change this innate tendency and rest in His goodness.  And, I'm also trying to get myself motivated to get things in order before out daughter comes.  I need to borrow some clothes and baby equipment, wash little outfits and fill out hospital paperwork.  I probably should go ahead and order the cloth diapers we're going to use, even though it might be a few months after she's born before we launch into them.  I'm getting quite excited to meet our little girl- I already feel like she's part of the family!

Looking back and challenged by today

Before we left Bolivia, one of our dear teammates gave us a beautifully bound wooden book with a pink butterfly tile mounted on the front and brown paper pages.  I decided rather quickly that I wanted to make it into a baby book for Jubilee.  I'm somewhat artistic and love to write, but I'm not much for scrap booking.  I don't have the patience or creativity to cut out paper with special scissors or come up with fun captions and such.  So, I'm thinking I'll try to do more of a baby journal, with pics and some of the normal baby books things like "firsts" and birth facts and the like.  Scotty is out of town for a few weeks and I find myself with time on my hands in the evening.  I'm finding these nights to be very productive, whether it's catching up with reading, calling friends, or just working a little on projects that I've thought about but haven't made any progress on.  Tonight, I finally typed out some ideas of stuff I want to write in Jubilee's book and it's been a good mental walk through of the last 7 months and reminder of how God has graciously worked in my life in that time.  It seems like eons ago that I found out I was pregnant.  I think anything pertaining to our life in Bolivia just feels like it was long ago because we are in such a different world here.  Thankfully, bed rest seems like it was a long time ago and I actually don't look back with any sort of bitterness because God blessed me so greatly during that time.  I saw a whole new depth of sacrificial love coming from my husband, a new sense of community through the families who reached out to us in the neighborhood, made some precious memories with my compassionate little 3 year old who loved just to sit by me and be together, and generally felt so insanely well-cared for that I have no complaints that are worth voicing.  I also wrote a bit about God's divine intervention in my fear-clouded mind at the beginning of the pregnancy and the way that He powerfully pulled me from that dark place to a place of resting in Him and His ability to wholly care for us.  I haven't even gotten to the part where we arrive in the states and might need to reserve a whole chapter for the awesome ways that God has worked things out for this home assignment.  Wow!  I struggle(d) so much after Zion died with thinking that God could only reveal deep things about Himself in my life through suffering, but I get the feeling He's proving me wrong on that one and going crazy to show me how much He delights in blessing me.  It is good and so undeserved.

I'm loving that this time is allowing me to slow down and take deep breaths.  Yoga videos especially help with that.  Seriously though, it is hard even when you don't have a lot of responsibility and there are 2 extra family members to help occupy the time of your one child, to slow down and be at rest.  Truly there are an infinite number of ways to fill your time, stay "busy", make unnecessary things necessary, and generally move yourself quickly through life without doing a whole lot of worthwhile things or taking time to see God.  I've even found myself less involved with Natty these days because she is so entertained by my parents and I have other things I "need" to be doing.  I'm starting to realize how little time is left before a new baby will be on the scene and I won't be able to hang out with Natty as much as I might like.  I want to carve out special time for the two of us, especially while Scotty is out of town.  I also want to take more time to pray.  For those of you who think (and I'm so one of you) that if you just had more time to pray, you would do it more often...I bet it wouldn't be as easy as you think.  I have enjoyed consistent Bible reading and prayer with my coffee in the morning, but how awesome would it be to take even more time- by myself and with my husband??  I'm going to work on this while Scotty is gone, too.  And, I want to remember what I learned while on bed rest- sometimes not doing anything is the best thing you can do!  I felt so justified in just sitting around the house all day with my daughter because I knew it was what I had to do to take care of myself and my unborn child.  So, I delighted in snuggling on the couch with Natty and playing toddler computer games.  I loved just hanging out with a mom from church and talking about everything and nothing.  Natty and I would sit on her bedside and stare out the window and play "I spy".  All of these things were more enjoyable when there was nothing else that could take me away from doing them- I wasn't allowed to do anything else.  But here, now that I am free, everything else vies for my time and attention.  Have we been to the library recently?  Or had a play date?  Or gone shopping?  Or any number of other things that concern only me?  It's hard for me just to sit down with my daughter and play uninterruptedly for much time at all before my mind starts wandering to how we can "maximize" our time in the states.

Anyway, I digress.  Doctor's appointment in the morning.  The first of my weekly visits until the end.  Believing all will be well!

Donuts and gators

So we had a family afternoon today and decided to start out the activities with a trip to Krispy Kreme.  Next to birthday cake, this is probably my favorite sweet treat.  I always have the same experience when I eat a KK donut.  First, is the heavenly flavor that just doesn't compare to anything else in the world.  The donut always disappears too fast and before I know it, my hands are empty and my belly is feeling sugary and in need of some kind of protein to balance the extremeness.  Then, the doubt sets in.  Should I have gotten the plain, classic, glazed?  What about the raspberry filled?  Did I justify consuming these calories and artificial ingredients with the perfect snacking experience?  Did my hips just expand by 5lbs.??  I usually get over that line of thought quickly enough, but it always pops up and darkens my KK experience just a little.  Today, the three of us sat at an old-fashioned counter happily munching our donuts, sipping milk and trying to get a glimpse of donut-making action in the back factory.  Natty always goes for sprinkles and did a much better job of nursing hers along to "rest" in between bites.  We reminded her that as soon as she finished, we would head over to the lake on campus to look for alligators.  We wrapped it up and drove to my alma mater- a beautiful, Florida campus filled with brick buildings and big oak trees and thin, tan girls running in short shorts.  Today was the perfect winter day- blue skies empty of clouds and cool enough to warrant a long-sleeved shirt.

 Scotty dropped me and Natty off by the lake and we sat down on a park bench to wait for him to park and to scope out potential alligator spots.  I think that I've never not seen a gator when walking around this lake, but today we were out of luck.  We enjoyed throwing things in the water to attract fish, walking the dirt paths, scuffling in the dead leaves, calling the gators and snapping photos.  This kind of day is what I dreamed of while sitting on my tush in La Paz, hoping that I could participate in these types of activities with Natty and Scotty.  Scotty and I reminisced about the day we went to the lake and had a friend take engagement pictures of us shortly before we were married.  It felt a little odd to be walking on the same campus, 10 years after graduating (no way!) as a young, naive girl to current day me with my husband, daughter and baby-to-be.  But, it was just the kind of thing we love to do and as much of a bummer as it was to not see any gators, it sure was another fulfillment of so many hopes and dreams I had before coming back.

I am an introvert.

It's gorgeous weather today- perfect blue skies and temps in the high 60s.  There are few leaves on the trees right outside my bedroom window, which makes it look more wintry than it really feels.  I'm trying to finish up my book about introverts in the church and decide if I agree completely with everything the author believes about how introverts should think and respond to the practices of mainstream, American evangelical churches.  I have wrestled all my life with my tendencies toward being solitary and independent, because it is easiest and most comfortable to me, in the context of Christian community.  I know that it is healthy to push myself a bit in these areas and be an active part of the bigger picture.  The challenge is figuring out how much a part of that picture I "should" incorporate into my daily life and walk with the Lord and how much to accept the personality that God has given me and work within the introverted mindset, knowing that we all make up the different parts of the body of Christ.  This book has definitely given me some ideas to chew on, but I feel like I've been led to believe for so long that an extrovert fits into the church more easily, that I don't know if I'm sorting through these issues with that stuck in the back of my mind or if I'm uncomfortable with some of the author's theories because they don't strike me as particularly Biblical.  It's all a bit muddled at the moment...  One thing that rang very true to me was a list of introvert attributes, most of which I resonate completely with.  I'll list those here:

1.  Prefer to relax alone or with a few close friends
2.  Consider only deep relationships as friends
3.  Need rest after outside activities, even ones we enjoy
4.  Often listen but talk a lot about topics of importance to us
5.  Appear calm, self-contained and like to observe (notice the word "appear"- things aren't always inside as they seem on the outside)
6.  Tend to think before we speak or act
7.  May prefer a quiet atmosphere
8.  Experience our minds going blank in groups or under pressure (yes yes yes!)
9.  Don't like feeling rushed
10.  Have great powers of concentration
11.  Are territorial- desire private space and time
12.  May treat their homes as their sanctuaries
13.  May prefer written communication (hence, the blog)
14.  Do not share private thoughts with many people.  Scotty found this one particularly amusing as my blog has led me to share very private thoughts with lots of people.  But, the benefit of writing for an introvert is that I don't have to tell any of you these things face to face, which would be much harder for me.

Can you see how many of these might make being a missionary very challenging??  There are certain expectations of having the right answers in the moment, always being available for people, having an "open-door" policy at your home, leading Bible studies, etc... that don't come at all naturally for me.  I have realized more and more that my struggles relate to being an introvert, but for a long time, I just thought I was a selfish person.  Ok, well, I really am, but it's not just that.  It's good that the author leads you through some practical steps to determining what you might need to incorporate into your life as an introvert to be able to find the refreshment and times of reflection that fill you up for continued ministry.  Scotty has done a good job helping me do that and trying to protect me from too much activity, even when I know he doesn't understand my hesitance.

Well, I could go on, but I wasn't even planning on blogging on this subject to such depth today.  :)  I'll save other thoughts for another day.

Scars.

As you ladies (or husbands of ladies) who have had C-sections know, the major surgery that brings your baby into the world leaves a scar.  The mark probably varies from woman to woman, but the scar left on my body from Zion is pretty thick, pretty hard and a bit crooked.  The last time I was at the doctor, he mentioned cleaning up the scar when he does the C-section for Jubilee.  He said he'd cut out the old scar and somehow close the new incision from underneath in a way that leaves something smaller, lighter, less noticeable.  That sounded good.  When we were worshiping at church this morning and pondering what God has ahead of us in the new year, I felt Him guiding my thoughts back to the conversation with the doctor about my scar and showing me that He was going to do some metaphoric scar lifting as well.  Throughout this pregnancy, I've felt led to believe that it was going to be different this time.  God has been challenging me to believe He could and would do a new thing that turns out differently from what we experienced with Zion and to trust that Jubilee, as her name implies, will bring us great joy and rejoicing.  Today, I felt like He was telling me that He was going to use her birth- a healthy, uneventful, good one- to cut some of the ugliness out of the scars on my heart left from losing my son.  Experiencing what I've come to believe just isn't possible for me- a good and normal outcome of pregnancy- will be used by the Lord to soften that scar that losing a baby too early left behind.  He's going to cut that ugly scar away and what will be left will still be a mark- each baby leaves a profound one behind in one way or another and I wouldn't want to ever lose the marks Zion left on our lives.  However, He's going to stitch differently this time in a way that makes that wound a bit smaller and brings healing.  As often as I've gotten this impression, I still have a hard time believing that it could be true for me.  I wrestle with not wanting to give into the sense of relief that because I want to somehow prepare myself for the worst, or at least something hard. He's already been so good to give me this period of rest and joy and actual enjoyment of my pregnancy that I was longing for- but it still isn't enough sometimes.  I even almost chose to not write this blog until after Jubilee would be born, in case it didn't turn out as I great as I'm hoping...  But, maybe this year God is wanting me to not only believe in, but experience in a new way the good and enjoyable gifts He loves to give His children.  This part of His character is something I've doubted from time to time since losing Zion.  I'd love to be taught otherwise.

Highlights

Here's some random bits of life that have happened here lately:

Funny things Natty has said-
   
     "Mommy, can I get a tattoo?"
     "I don't really love God.  I like him, I guess.  Maybe I'll love Him when I'm older."  This one, by the way, is hard for any Christian parent to admit that their child said when reading about a lot of other Christian mommies memorizing scriptures with their kids, listening to them praying for their friends, etc...  Natty has a very real, rebellious sin nature and it is terrifying to see it.  However, it reminds us that we can't force the gospel on her, that God's own Spirit must work to change her heart, even at this age.  We certainly are reminded to pray more fervently when she says things like this.

Natty's top 2 enjoyments of the Christmas season:
1. opening presents
2.  decorating the tree with Nana

Lisa's top 2:
1.  watching Natty open presents and decorate as well as share often why we are really celebrating
2.  food

Highlights of 2011, in random order
1.  spending 2 months with our parents visiting us in La Paz at the beginning of the year
2.  getting back into ministry after losing Zion
3.  celebrating Natty's third birthday with her favorite Bolivian friends and their mommies
4.  finding out we were expecting again
5.  back to back visits from friends in Minneapolis and Charlotte
6.  SIM annual retreat with the whole Bolivia crew- so glad Natty was old enough to enjoy the kids program this year
7.  enjoying the outpouring of love and help provided by our Mallasilla and church friends.  This included frequent baby-sitting, bringing of food, coming to visit with food, coming to visit with kids to play with Natty, lots of prayers and phone calls.
8.  coming back to the US
9.  hearing that my body looks normal and I could get off my rear and do something!!!
10.  celebrating Christmas in my hometown with my family

Aspirations for 2012:
Thrive.  It's hard to make resolutions when everyone seems to try it and then get to the end of the year and realize they didn't complete their list.  I'm not big on making resolutions, but I do like to look back at my last year and see what I did well or didn't do well and how I could continue or improve certain things.  This year is going to be unique because three months in, there will be a baby Jubilee born.  She will make it hard to do anything productive, other than take care of her for a bit.  Then, we'll go back to Bolivia and spend a few months adjusting back to life and ministry there, while continuing to balance the needs of 2 small kids.  And, we want to build a house.  Yikes!  So, my idea is that I might try to work in a good, though-provoking Bible study before Jubilee is born for my own edification and then just see what happens after that.  I want to continue reading the Bible through each year, which I feel I've got a good habit of doing...although I could stand to be a bit more consistent.  And, I'd like to be a bit more flexible with this baby's schedule than I was with Natty's- so that's something.  Generally, I would like to just make myself available as a friend to the ladies at church, have people over more and try to utilize the gifts God's given me without letting myself be taken captive by the introversion He's also created in me.

I'm currently reading a book called, Introverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture, by Adam McHugh.  It's giving me a lot of insightful looks into the depth of who I am and some of those chuckles of "that's so me!".  So far he's touched a lot on why the Western church tends to esteem extroversion over introversion and the unique gifts introverts can bring into a Christian community.  He's just starting to scratch a bit at how introverts can use their personality as a crutch or excuse to not be more involved in people's lives and I'd like to hear some more about this, as I feel constantly compelled to overcome my solitary tendencies.  However, there's a lot of good, "it's OK that you're this way cause God can use you like this" happening, which is refreshing.

So, randomness completed.  May you all be blessed abundantly as you look at what the Lord has done in your life in 2011 and look forward to what He may do in 2012.  I'm most excited about bringing a healthy baby into the world, Lord-willing and enjoying another 6 months in our home country.

The fight.

It's funny (annoying) how quickly your emotions can swing back and forth when you're pregnant- or maybe just if you're me.  Tuesday we had another check-up with the doctor- we'll be going every 2 weeks now.  I'm at 28 weeks, which is the time when everything started going wrong in my pregnancy with Zion, so I was a bit anxious to find out the status of body at this point.  The doctor again saw no change in my cervix and was very pleased with my weight gain, blood pressure, etc...  It was another one of those times when things turned out as perfectly as you could hope they would- something that has characterized all of my appointments so far since arriving to the US.  I was thrilled and spent the rest of that day thanking God continually.  It feels so incredibly nice to live a mostly normal life and do the things that I want to do, within reason.  Then, the other night, Natty woke up absolutely terrified about something.  Her screaming was really traumatic to me that night and I found myself awake long after she had gone back to bed.  I don't know if it was a form of spiritual attack or just the tiredness (lots of things seem more serious and often more negative when you're awake in the middle of the night), but I started picturing what it would be like when the time came for us to return to Bolivia, and it wasn't pretty.  First, I imagined the actual process of getting there, which always includes a long overnight flight that is hard with one child that can't get comfortable and is up off and on throughout the night, usually crying from exhaustion.  But, this time there is also a small baby involved.  Flashbacks to our arrival in La Paz when Natty was just shy of 3 months were playing in my head when we had to break through the customs line and whiz past a confused/angry looking guard because our daughter had stopped breathing and was turning purple around the lips.  High altitude can do harsh things to little ones (and big, too).  I certainly can't help but think of a repeat of that with Jubilee, who will be 3 1/2 months old when we are slated to go back.  Then, there were scenes of La Paz.  I usually have no problem with the fact that Bolivia is a developing world and reflects that in different ways wherever you are, even the capitol.  However, that night, my feeling was that it was harsh, dirty, unwelcoming, scary.  After losing Zion there and a handful of other less than ideal experiences with doctors and hospitals, I often fear going back to raise not just one, but two children there.  It was hard to not be temporarily overwhelmed by these thoughts and even wonder what would we do if I just couldn't return.  I woke up in the morning not feeling anything quite that dramatic and marveling that just a few weeks ago, I was looking fondly at our beloved Bolivian home and family, missing our time there and experiences there with them.  Why so fickle??  I suppose this is just the reality of our lives.  There is real good here in the US and there.  There is real bad in both places, also.  There is a seemingly eternal quest to think in a way that is balanced and healthy, to remind myself of Who is controlling our lives and what we experience in them and to rest in His goodness, grace and power when the answers don't come easily.  I think my struggles are real but I think I can let them grow to monstrous proportions when I'm not careful, when I take my focus off of Christ.  The Bible is full of good promises that we must keep our eyes fixed, unwavering, on the Lord and He will give us peace, He will guide, He will make the path straight.  Sometimes that task is easier than at other times, but it's always worth the fight.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

There is something magical about Christmas time.  We feel it strongly this year, mostly because it is falling so close to our return back to the U.S.  All the traditions seem more fun this year, as well, because Natty is at that age where she can finally get into it.  She loves the Christmas tree- decorating it, turning it on, looking at the ornaments, putting presents under it.  We recently had a white elephant gift exchange with my parent's small group and she got such a kick out of helping people pick out a gift to open and squealing with anticipation while they slowly peaked at what was inside.  She wants to help everyone wrap presents and does a surprisingly good job of keeping a secret, since she's probably seen what everyone is receiving from everyone else.  She likes to tease me by saying, "We bought you something at the store today, Nana."  At that point (starting to get nervous she'll give away the surprise), I jump in and remind her that it's a secret and she whines at me, "Mommy- you don't have to keep telling me that.  I just want to say that we bought Nana something.  I'm not going to tell her what!"  As if it's foolish of me to remind my barely three year old daughter not to spill the beans.  It's been a challenge to find kids books in the library that talk about the real meaning of Christmas, always wanting to keep Jesus the center of our celebrations.  It's already hard enough to talk about spiritual things with such a young person.  How much is she understanding?  What if she just doesn't care?  I still haven't figured out exactly what traditions we want to incorporate into our family to take some of the focus off of giving to just our family and put it on being generous with those who have real needs.  It will look totally different in Bolivia than it would here.

Apparently, I'm the one enjoying the Christmas food the most.  I gained a few pounds more than the recommended weight increase for pregnant ladies last month.  I swear just landing in the U.S., at low altitude, bumps up your weight a few pounds.  So, my doctor has told me I can only gain 3 pounds in the next month.  What??  With Christmas cookies and egg nog and Christmas parties and my best girl friends coming into town?  Get real.

I have to share the good news that my last OB check-up when equally as well as the first.  I was a little nervous after a full month of activity, that things in my body might not be holding as strong as they were when I was inactive and the baby was smaller.  However, the doctor found all to be about the same and gave me the go-ahead to continue on as I was.  A small Christmas miracle for us!  He'll start seeing me every 2 weeks just to keep a close eye on things.

I continue to feel incredibly relaxed here.  Blessed to have time.  Time to sleep, to eat, to be with my family.  I think I've laughed a lot more in the last few weeks than in a long time.  I am grateful.

Update

Picnic at the park

The days seem to have sped up recently.  Maybe it's because I've actually had things to do.  As much as I think I'm saving myself time and energy doing online Christmas shopping, it can still be a very time-consuming task that often becomes mentally exhausting.  Do you ever have that feeling like the world at your fingertips can sometimes be a little overwhelming?  The options are nice, but can get a bit excessive if you don't find exactly what you want very quickly.  However, I'm not physically able to amble around the mall all afternoon and I don't have to deal with other shoppers, so I do prefer the web.  In the last couple of days, I've also searched as many engines as possible for the perfect beach front condo in the Charleston area for a dream beach vacation I've been planning on taking with both sets of our parents for next summer.  It's been several years since I've been to a beach where I can swim (the beach we went to last year in Chile is ice cold year round and not often even warm enough to be comfortable sitting on the sand in shorts).  So, on a purely selfish level, my biggest goal for this trip home is to get some good beach time in.  Natty, although born in a land-locked country, is drawn like a fish to the water and could probably happily dig in sand all day long.  I will give her this opportunity.  I'm a bit fearful to make a reservation now because there's still that part of me that thinks something is going to make Jubilee come too early and we won't be able to do our planned trip, but if I don't make reservations now, there won't be anything left soon.  It's going to be a reservation of faith.

Scotty and I had a lovely date last night, thanks to a ministry called the Micah Wessman Foundation, who sends care packages to families far and wide who have lost children.  They sent us an Applebees gift card and we indulged in appetizers, steaks and dessert on them.  That's my kind of date.  Scotty asked me at one point if I'd had any thoughts yet about how life and ministry might look different when we go back to Bolivia.  It's not the first time lately that I've realized that this is our first home assignment where talking about going back to Bolivia hasn't given me apprehension.  I've never doubted that we should return, but I usually have a sense that I didn't do enough in our last term or have sufficient vision for God's purpose for me there.  So early in a home assignment, I usually didn't want to think at all about returning, but just rest in being home and not have the (mostly self-inflicted) pressure of being a missionary.  I don't know exactly what to attribute it to, but there are 2 reasons I can think of that make me think differently this time.  One, time.  We've been in Bolivia as a married couple for over 5 years now.  There are rarely shocks when considering the culture.  We are fluent in the language, even though there will always be lots of room for growth.  It all feels so normal.  Two, friends.  I've always come back feeling like my relationships with Bolivians were lacking.  God has used both Zion's death and my bed rest to help me to see the depth of which people care for us.  I've had more meaningful conversations with people.  I've relied more on the church than I ever did before- more out of necessity than anything (it's easy to hide from people when you're an introvert).  I see God's grace in new ways through what He's allowed us to go through in the last year or so.  It's nice for Him to show me that.  So, I look at Bolivia fondly now and really do miss our lives there.  I wouldn't change being here at this time, as it's brought a lot of joy and peace to our hearts, but it's nice to feel that positiveness toward the place where God's called us.

Things I'm loving about being in Gainesville...

...the weather!  Every day is short-sleeved weather and it is glorious.  Natty runs around outside without shoes and has even played in the sprinklers a few times.

...the grass (and general greenness)!  Natty rolls in it, runs in it and everything just looks lush and alive.

...carpet!  Being able to walk around without socks and slippers/shoes on cushy carpet is a delight.  I miss that feeling in Bolivia.

...drinking out of the faucet!  This is especially exciting to Natalie, who often reminds me, "Mommy, did you know we can drink water right out of the sink?!".  Yes, we can.  And I do.

...pizza.  Awesome crust.  Tomato sauce.  Thick.  Cheap.

...TV.  I hate to admit it.  But we love HGTV.

...nice things!  Everything is nice.  Nice, clean restaurants with tasty foods of infinite varieties.  Nice public bathrooms (have you ever been in a Bolivian public restroom?  Not pretty.)  Nice roads.  Nice cars.  Nice, well-stocked grocery stores.  Nice furniture.  Nice toilet paper.  Nice. Nice. Nice.

...cereal!  LOVE Kashi.  All of it.

...parks!  Oh, my goodness.  I could spend an afternoon everyday at our closest sports park.  There are shredded tire tracks under the equipment (verses dirt or cement), which gives a lovely, squishy, safe quality.  There are big oak trees.  There are squirrels.  There are lovely, heavy-duty park benches.  Natty is in heaven there and it is so fun to watch her.

...doctors.  I've already written about that one.  Thanking God for Dr. Duff.

I'm sure I'll think of more things later.  We are still in the honeymoon phase of being in the U.S. :)

Thanksgiving newsletter

We are so thankful...

...For a safe arrival to the U.S.!  We had a few unforeseen bumps along the way and knew that travel could potentially be difficult on my weakened, pregnant body.  Everything was going smoothly and comfortably until we arrived in Lima, Peru and our connecting flight refused to let us on board because of the perceived riskiness of my pregnancy.  We are thankful that God worked it out so that we could get on another airlines' flight to Miami that was leaving immediately and we arrived to our destination several hours earlier than expected!  The next morning, we were refused the rental car we had reserved online!  We are thankful that my parents drove the 6 hours to come get us in a borrowed, larger vehicle, that the hotel we were staying in had a last-second cancellation to their completely booked schedule which allowed us to stay in our room throughout the rest of the day while we waited for my parents, and that we made it safely home in the wee hours of the evening.  

...For our families and supporters!  We'll be spending almost 6 months in my parents' home, eating their food, enjoying their hospitality and potentially slightly abusing their free babysitting services.  We had the joy of spending a few days with Scotty's parents already and look forward to a more extended time later next year with them and their church in Tennessee.  Our Vineyard church here has welcomed us as lovingly as they always do and we are excited to soak in their love for a while.  Our church, Desiring God Community Church, in Charlotte has already sent us a lovely care package and we await the time we can worship with them after our baby is born.  Scotty is excited to see friends and supporters at Bethlehem Baptist in Minneapolis when he goes to the pastors conference there at the end of January.  We are surrounded by people who care about us and have been praying for us and we feel God's unmerited grace through all of them.

...For good medical care and good health!  God miraculously got us in with a very respected high-risk pregnancy doctor in town who rarely takes new patients!  He is kind and gentle and reassuring and his office staff have been nothing but friendly and capable.  The medical experience we've had here is worlds apart from what we are used to...it's what I've been dreaming of since I found out I was pregnant!  And, upon being reviewed by Dr. Duff (thank God for this man!), he pronounced everything good and normal and relieved me from my bed rest!  He also informed us that we were having another girl, much to our surprise and great joy.  Jubilee Sage will join us, Lord-willing, in early March.

...For rest.  There's nothing like being in a place that is so comfortable and familiar.  For me, comfortable is short sleeves in November, just the temperatures Gainesville boasts this time of year.  But it's also the knowledge that this time is for us to unwind, relax, and rest in God's goodness.  Natalie is thriving in this new place where she has not only mom and dad around, but Nana and Papa, too.  She is running barefoot outside in the grass, playing in the sprinklers, learning to ride a tricycle, making new friends in the neighborhood and checking out lots of library books!  Scotty finally has a break from the demanding ministry schedule that occupied much of his time the last few months, as well as the concerns he carried for taking care of a lot of my needs, as well as Natty's, mostly on his own.  We are thanking God continually that we will be able to enjoy some activities together again outside of the house and do more together as a family.  It is a true joy to be here.

...For our Bolivian pastor, Edgar Mamani.  Edgar is the sort of pastor that you are honored to also call your friend.  He is devoted to the faithful preaching of the Word and to the encouragement of his flock.  He is a good husband and father.  His life and ministry have been radically changed by what he has learned from pastor John Piper, through his sermons and books.  We shared with you the plans we had to get pastor Edgar to Minneapolis this winter for the pastor's conference at Pastor John's church.  So far, we are still in need of about $1500 to fly Edgar from La Paz and cover his expenses while in the states.  We would be so grateful if you'd consider helping with this special gift of giving Edgar the opportunity to see the pastor who has made such a great impact in his life.  Please also pray for Edgar's mother, who is not a believer and who has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.  Please pray for her healing, both spiritually and physically.

...For God's abundant provision through His people in the past, present and future.  We have been well-supplied for all of our needs over the course of our missionary career so far in Bolivia.  We will be making some of our new financial needs known to you in our next newsletter, but want to express our gratitude to God and to you for generously supporting us in so many ways.  

With love and gratitude,
Scotty, Lisa, Natalie and Jubilee Miser

Please call us!  352-450-1669
or email us!  scottynlisa@gmail.com
Or check out our blog!  http://scottyandlisa.blogspot.com
Or send us checks!  SIM USA * PO Box 7900 * Charlotte, NC 28241

It's a...

GIRL!!!  (Can you see the balloon?).  Her name is Jubilee Sage.  We had the name picked out for Zion, if he was a girl.  Jubilee, meaning great rejoicing (as well as its Biblical meaning that might be better saved for a different blog), seems so appropriate in this post-grief time of welcoming the good gift of life into our family again.  We highly suspected the baby to be a boy and even brought home almost an entire suitcase of boy clothes, but we're thrilled our little girl is healthy and Natty's hope was for a baby sister.  The visit with our doctor could not have gone better.  Dr. Duff is a sweet, caring, soft-spoken doctor who took plenty of time with us and made us feel at ease.  He talked to me like I was a "normal" pregnant woman, leading me to believe he is not too concerned about anything drastic happening.  He checked my cervix, informing me that all looks totally normal.  How often I have prayed for that in the last few months!  God is overwhelming us with His love and care for us.  He measured the baby and checked her out all over, reporting all to be perfect.  And then, he explained that as long as I take it easy and not stay out too long, I can do everyday activities again!  I could not stop praising and thanking God for this news!  We feel like he is making our wildest dreams come true (who else is thinking of Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite right now?).  Really, I just don't take these things for granted anymore.

So, out to Olive Garden with both sets of parents to celebrate.  Then, a hair cut, dental appointment, fabric shopping, Starbucks, the library, and Target...not necessarily in that order.  And, no more ordering Scotty around...:)

Doctors visit

Yesterday was our first appointment at the medical office we have chosen here in Gainesville.  It's where all the doctors at a well-known, top-notch hospital in town practice and I felt like any one of them would be completely trustworthy.  I was nervous when the morning came- not knowing what to expect and hoping things would go well and that we'd be able to see a doctor soon.  I was so nervous that I forgot the keys to my little electric scooter, so I wasn't able to wheel myself around and had to do a bit of walking, which felt nice, but made me nervous.  The office was easy to find and as soon as we walked in, we were greeted by a friendly lady behind the counter who took her time explaining a few things, politely asking me to sign a few papers and making us feel quite at home.  She immediately sent us back to talk to the financial lady who would try to locate us in the insurance system (even though I thought of it a million times, I ended up leaving our insurance cards in Bolivia) and set up our payments for the future C-section that will happen in March.  So organized!  She congratulated us on the pregnancy and sounded quite excited when we explained that we had come back to Gainesville from Bolivia to have our baby here.  She also carefully explained the procedures we would go through each time we came to the office and made sure we were aware of what we should do in case anything scary happened during the pregnancy.  After we finished with her, a nurse was waiting to take us back to go over our medical history.  She was kind and funny and very thorough.  She asked if I had a doctor already and when I told her who I was hoping for, she said, "I don't think that's going to happen."  Apparently, this doctor is quite in demand and only takes patients "when the spirit moves him."  She made a phone call to ask his nurse to talk with him and they called back about 20 minutes later to confirm we could be his patients!!  God totally made that work out and the nurse praised him highly saying that both doctors and patients love working with this man.  Hooray!!  We answered some questions, asked a few, and were sent on our way.  The whole thing could not have gone more smoothly and we were stunned the whole time how well things are set up, how friendly people are, how well-cared for you feel.  I suppose I have spent all of my child-bearing years feeling only moderately cared for under the hands of only slightly informed doctors (and most of that information coming from their schooling decades prior) and after Zion, completely lacking in the kind of medical care that me and this baby need.  It's been tense and stressful and I only realize now the extent of what I have been missing.  I'm sure when I actually see the doctor and go through all the testing, that realization will be even more acute.  By another miracle, I was able to get an appointment with this doctor on Tuesday, when he will do an ultrasound and be able to tell us not only to what extent I need to be resting but also the sex of the baby.  They'll make up for lost time by doing a host of blood work and much relief will be felt by all.  :)

It's cool and sunny today and the house is totally quiet- except for my parent's crying cats.  Natty and Scotty have gone off to find a park and my parents are at the gym.   We are loving being here and not having any pressures and Scotty has mentioned several times being in the U.S. "honeymoon" phase.  I haven't felt this quite yet, as I haven't been able to get out and enjoy Starbucks and book stores and Target and just seeing things.  My venture out yesterday to the doctor was my first trip out since we arrived last weekend.  We're eating well, sleeping well, and loving that Natty has two more people to play with her.  God has been kind in giving us this chance.  Monday brings Scotty's parents for a few days and I'm hoping that Tuesday will bring news that we can all get out together and do some stuff out of the house.  And, I continue to work on trusting God for each day, even though the temptation to worry about how long my body can carry this baby is stronger now than in the early days.  There is much hope.

Travel Miracles

The first miracle of our travels was the Miracle of Bubba.  Natty has a little stuffed rabbit that is her most prized possession and can not be lived without.  He is especially important at sleep times.  She had decided at one point that Bubba would stay in her carry-on suitcase throughout the trip to make sure he didn't somehow get left behind, but she couldn't hold out on this and so carried him with us in her hands in and out of airports and on and off the planes.  Right after we were denied access onto our second flight and rushed to another plane, we realized as we boarded that Bubba was no where in sight.  My last memory of him was handing him to Natty while we were debating with the LAN people.  I assumed that she must have dropped him on the floor at that point and when we were whisked away, Bubba stayed behind.  Immediately the angst set in and Natty started bawling, "I want my Bubba!!  I need Bubba!  I want him!!"  It was really heartbreaking when you know your child actually considers this thing to be a real, live friend that talks to her and that she lovingly pets and cradles like a little baby and tells him that she loves him.  There was nothing that could be done, as they were waiting for us to seal the door and taxi out.  We sat down in our seats, mine was a bit behind where Scotty and Natty were and on the other side of the aisle.  All I could hear was the faint whimpering of my little girl and I just thought the day couldn't get much worse from there.  All of a sudden, I hear Scotty's voice and he is waving Bubba triumphantly in the air!  I have no idea how that happened, and later find out that he found the bunny in his backpack.  He has no recollection of putting him there and I know that he was so busy trying to figure out our flight situation while Natty and I were playing with Bubba,and then they so quickly moved us on to the gate where our flight was leaving, that I am convinced God miraculously stored him in Scotty's backpack.  I actually cried at that moment and hoped the strangers I was wedged between wouldn't notice.

Natty and I catch site of our ride home- Nana and Papa are here!

Miracle #2 comes on Saturday after our much needed sleep at the hotel in Miami.  We had a nice morning and were just getting geared up for the drive home.  Scotty headed out after our mediocre breakfast to pick up the rental car I had reserved with debit card online a month ago.  Natty and I started surfing cartoon channels, the one thing she was most excited about regarding our journey home.  Not surprisingly, we ended up watching Spanish cartoons on the only Spanish channel we picked up.  An hour passed, another half hour past, another half hour- and still, no Scotty.  We turned the TV off and walked outside to sit down on the steps right outside our hotel door for some fresh air (something I haven't been able to do in two months!).  I heard a phone ringing in the distance and realized it was ours!  I ran back inside (but, slowly, as a woman on bed rest should do) and picked it up.  Scotty says, "Well, it's gone from bad to worse".  Never enouraging words.  He tells me that he's been to every car rental place at the airport and no one will rent to him.  The company that we had reserved with would not accept his debit card because when they did a credit check, he had no history (yes, he has no credit history at 39 years old).  But, this also means that we're responsible with money, right??  Anyway, it's a no deal and I hang up feeling despondent and a bit worried.  I tell Natty what's happening and we pray and I decide that since God knew this was coming, I should just chill and trust He's already worked out Plan B.  I call my parents, who live 6 hours away, and ask if they can come get us.  Yes.  Now, I call the front desk and ask if they can extend us the room.  No.  No??  The hotel is completely booked for the night??  I explain that I am a poor pregnant woman on bed rest and we have nowhere to go and I don't have a wheelchair and shouldn't be walking around.  Front desk chick responds, "But if I let you stay in that room, the next guest will show up and have no where to go."  True, but can't you work a miracle for me, or at least sound sympathetic?  No.  I hang up and really start racking my brain.  We could go to the mall until dinner time- but they don't have free wheelchairs, do they?  We could go to the hospital- they have wheelchairs.  No, that doesn't sound like fun.  We could rent another hotel room in a different hotel, but it will be expensive and still mean packing up and hauling 3 big bags and a car seat and myself into a taxi and walking around somewhere else where I shouldn't be walking.  I had a good cry, pulled myself together, and called the front desk to ask if they'd give us an extra half hour and the numbers to their other Miami locales.  And, oh yeah, if we book at another one of their hotels, could they shuttle us over?  No.  Grrrrr...  So, front desk chick tells me she's extended our stay and I ask again for the other hotel phone numbers and she says, "No, I've extended you for another night."  What??  I thought the hotel was full.  Nonchalantly, hotel chick says, "Oh, we had a cancellation."  Wow!  God again to the rescue!  I hung up and cried tears of joy for the second time this trip, astounded at God's goodness in working out this stressful situation.  I felt so helpless as this person who wasn't supposed to be up and walking around much and the idea of trying to find a new place to go sounded a bit overwhelming.  But, God gave us a way to stay in the same room for the afternoon so that I could chill while Natty and Scotty explored.  My parents came at dinnertime, had some food with us, and off we went- arriving home at 1am.  And now, it's all behind us, we see how God's hand was in all of it, as always, and now we wait to see how He's going to work in my body as we anxiously await my appointment with a nurse at the end of the week.  But, we know, and have been shown so many times, that He is faithful.

Travel adventures

As we were travelling, I had so many ideas for how I would write this blog.  Now that we're at my parent's house and relaxing, none of it sees so important anymore.  But, I'll do my best to recap the adventures.  First, I'll say that travelling in a wheelchair is awesome, if there's some good reason you need to do so.  At every airport we went to, a nice person working there shuttled me around, pushed me to the front of the line, or skipped the line all together.  I do have to say I felt a little awkward at times when I caught the, "what's wrong with that girl" looks some people shot over or when peoples gazes drifted to me as I rolled into a room.  However, not having to wait for anything beat all that.  The first check in went super smooth and we were landing in Lima before we knew it.  When we arrived at the LAN desk where we were to check in for the second portion of our air travel, things got a bit sticky.  After reading our medical document, which we hadn't planned on showing to any airline personnel, they told us quite firmly that we would not be flying their airlines without a signed waver from their doctor and mine.  How we were supposed to know this, I have no idea, and my anger increased as Scotty politely tried to make head-way with Peruvian LAN chick and she shot him down several times.  Before we even had the chance to talk with a manager, wheelchair-boy is taking me to the elevator and we are rapidly walking to Gate 17 where a TACA flight is taking off in the next 5 seconds for Miami.  If they got us from La Paz to Lima, I suppose they won't have a problem allowing the terribly scary pregnant lady on again.  So, after a few brief phone calls by nice TACA dude, we are being wheeled down the plank, pushed on, seated and the plane is taking off.  We all end up in the last row by the stinky, crowded bathrooms, but we were together and we were heading to Miami, earlier than we thought.  This was a gift from God.  The almost 6 hour flight passes after some bland food, two cheesy movies and a short nap by Natty and we are in Miami before we know it.  We find, as usual, that Spanish works much better than English for the helpful Miami airport staff and after rolling through customs, we find our luggage was not able to jump on the plane as fast as we were and so we work with Latin baggage claims ladies to come back when it's due in to pick it up.  Then we wait almost an hour for our hotel shuttle and almost give up hope when we see it drive by, inform us that it's already full and that we will need to take a taxi.  At this point, I'm just happy to be sitting outside by the pick-up/drop-off curb in the balmy Miami sunset while Natty rolls happily about on the concrete (cause Mommy's sitting there), getting filthy.  I think she's happy to be off the airplane.  So, nice Brazilian taxi driver gets us to our hotel, we check in and Scotty immediately gets on the shuttle to go back and get our luggage.  Natty and I watch a half hour of TV and I try to do very little since my body is already feeling the stress of travelling all day and being cramped on board a plane for almost 8 total hours.  I convince Natty we should sleep and we both fall into a slumber, only to wake up an hour or so later and realize that Scotty is not back.  Now, this is where I realize how much we rely on cell phones.  At this point, my husband is supposedly at the airport- but what if he never made it?  Why is it taking so long?  Did he get in an accident?  Did he forget the hotel's number so there's no way to call the shuttle to come get him?  Did he get abducted in the not-so-nice part of town around the airport?  What should I do??  He'd been gone for about 2 hours at this point and in my tired stupor, I was imagining the worst.  Thank God, I heard luggage wheels at the door and jumped up to see Scotty with all our bags.  Yay- they all made it!!  Then, he goes out again, gets us Wendy's (cause we haven't eaten anything since bland pasta at 11:30am), we scarf, fall into bed and rest peacefully until morning.

I am praising God that my body held up under the long travelling hours, that our bags all made it, that we had a cozy bed to sleep in, that we are in the U.S.  And, especially, that someone took the "risk" of letting me fly on their plane.  Thank you TACA!  Stay tuned for more travel adventures...

How did I get here?

I listened to last weeks message from John Piper this morning.  Apparently, for the last few weeks, Bethlehem Baptist Church has been focusing on missions.  Today, Pastor John presented a beautiful picture of the round about way that God opened the door of salvation for every tribe, tongue, language and people and challenged those who have felt that leading of the Spirit to go cross culturally to call the lost in to that open door.  It was a great reminder to me, a missionary, of something that can grow cold in my heart from time to time.  Yes, I live in Bolivia, a country and a culture vastly different from my own.  I plan on staying here, Lord-willing, until my children are grown and have left home.  But, this has become my normal.  Sometimes I forget the calling that God has put on my life, as He has on all of ours if we are His children, to bring good news to all people.  I get caught up in my day to day life, the mundane, and lose sight of the awesome privilege I have.  So, I thought, for my own encouragement and if it would be of use to anyone else, I would remember God's first call and how I came to be in this lovely country.

When I was a teenager, my church had a small room somewhere off the main path called the prayer room.  On the door was a time sheet where you could sign your name for increments of a half hour, all throughout the day and night, to pray for the needs of the church.  The room had a plush chair in one corner, with a lamp next to it, a few devotional books, and a desk where a rolodex of prayer requests from members of the church were hand-written.  There was a cork board next to the desk that had letters from the church's missionaries pinned on and those could also be read through and prayed for.  I usually spent an hour in the prayer room each week and was amazed at how quickly that time went by.  I prayed for people I knew and many I didn't.  I rarely read the missionary letters.  One day, when I was struggling to focus in that extremely quiet place with a soft ticking of the clock in the background, my gaze drifted to the cork board.  I saw an index card with this verse written on it, "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Corinthians 2:9).  All at once, I found myself weeping as I heard, inaudibly but very clearly speaking to my heart, the voice of the Lord compelling me to be one who would take this amazing gift that we can not even conceive of to bless the nations.  And that neither I, nor they, could imagine what He had in store for us, whom He loves.  I knew in an instant that my God was calling me to a lifetime of cross-cultural ministry.  I can't remember if this is something I shared immediately with my family or roommate, but I knew at 17 where my life was headed (in a very vague way at that moment in time).  I felt no compulsion to go immediately, but to follow the "normal" path of gaining first a college education and I entered into a major that interested me, but that I assumed would never be put into practice.  I hope to think those 4 years in school and working matured and prepared me enough to take the big step of leaving my country.  After I graduated, I began the overwhelming process of trying to figure out how and with whom to go.  Food for the Hungry very quickly caught my attention in my web engine search and after spending a few months communicating with them, I flew out to Phoenix to meet the staff and become even more convinced that they were the mission I would set out with.  Shortly after, I had an assignment in Cochabamba, Bolivia working with international youth in a youth group setting.  6 months after arriving in Bolivia, I met Scotty and the rest is history.  This is all very simplified, but the main point is that God moved in amazing ways to bring this shy, home-loving, not adventurous girl to another continent on the other side of the equator for His good purposes.  And, I have seen so many of those loving purposes at work in my life, maybe far more than I've seen how He's used me in the lives of others.  But, I continue to hang on to His call when things get tough, as they have especially in this last year, and thank Him for choosing me.

Half way

20 weeks- hooray!!  The first trimester always feels like it takes forever, since the general sense is all-day yuckiness.  However, the last couple of months have flown by, even being on bed rest.  I keep thinking that since the cerclage, 6 weeks ago, time has gone by so fast, but when I think there's another 3 sets of 6 weeks to go, it feels like birth is forever away.  These days, I feel bigger than I look, I'm hungry all afternoon (more than the morning), I'm tired almost every nap time (Natty's)- whether I went to bed early or not, I'm starting to feel daily movement from the little one, I need to use the bathroom almost constantly, and I am already daydreaming about the perfect birth and arrival of our baby.  The first thought in my mind when I wake up in the morning is, "Please protect us today, Lord." and when I lay down to sleep at night, "Thank you so much for keeping us safe and keeping the baby where he's supposed to be."  I've never been so aware of the moment by moment protection of my Father and definitely feel His presence in those moments where there's a twinge of pain or a weird pressure and I wonder what is happening inside of me and if we'll end up in the clinic because of it.  Although God has kept me in great peace, my natural tendency to worry about things outside of my control has brought me to a few times when I just look forward to getting this pregnancy over with (but not too fast!!).  It's such a different experience than I've ever had before, having had such "normal", enjoyable pregnancies with Natalie and Zion.  As much as I am training myself and the Lord is teaching me to trust in Him each day and let tomorrow worry for itself when it arrives, I can't help but have an overall sense that my baby is in constant danger and the simple act of getting up is putting him at risk.  But I also have a strong desire to enjoy the incubation of this little one, thinking that it might be the last biological one for us, but am not sure quite how.  I suppose my "enjoyment" will not be as it was before- going out for tea with my girlfriends in cute maternity clothes or having the "oohs" and "ahhs" from my church family when I show up with a bigger belly each Sunday to church or even frequent daydreaming about the perfect, natural delivery that I've always wanted.  But, instead, an enjoyment of the daily faithfulness of the Lord and seeing Him work in and through my situation to strengthen me and remind me of how powerful and good He is.  I think if I can change my expectations to think this way, the enjoyment will be so much deeper than it has been in the past.

Natty has come out with some funny things since her mommy has been a bit detained in the house.  One of her favorite things to remind me of is, "Mommy- you can't leave the house forever and ever and ever, cause the doctor says you can't go down the stairs."  Thanks for the reminder, Natty.  Another is, "Pregnant ladies NEVER go to church."  Or some form of, "When the baby comes out you can jump with me/I can jump on you/you can teach me to cook/we can walk and walk and walk, etc...".  She's definitely looking forward to things being back to normal.  Me too. :)