Update

Picnic at the park

The days seem to have sped up recently.  Maybe it's because I've actually had things to do.  As much as I think I'm saving myself time and energy doing online Christmas shopping, it can still be a very time-consuming task that often becomes mentally exhausting.  Do you ever have that feeling like the world at your fingertips can sometimes be a little overwhelming?  The options are nice, but can get a bit excessive if you don't find exactly what you want very quickly.  However, I'm not physically able to amble around the mall all afternoon and I don't have to deal with other shoppers, so I do prefer the web.  In the last couple of days, I've also searched as many engines as possible for the perfect beach front condo in the Charleston area for a dream beach vacation I've been planning on taking with both sets of our parents for next summer.  It's been several years since I've been to a beach where I can swim (the beach we went to last year in Chile is ice cold year round and not often even warm enough to be comfortable sitting on the sand in shorts).  So, on a purely selfish level, my biggest goal for this trip home is to get some good beach time in.  Natty, although born in a land-locked country, is drawn like a fish to the water and could probably happily dig in sand all day long.  I will give her this opportunity.  I'm a bit fearful to make a reservation now because there's still that part of me that thinks something is going to make Jubilee come too early and we won't be able to do our planned trip, but if I don't make reservations now, there won't be anything left soon.  It's going to be a reservation of faith.

Scotty and I had a lovely date last night, thanks to a ministry called the Micah Wessman Foundation, who sends care packages to families far and wide who have lost children.  They sent us an Applebees gift card and we indulged in appetizers, steaks and dessert on them.  That's my kind of date.  Scotty asked me at one point if I'd had any thoughts yet about how life and ministry might look different when we go back to Bolivia.  It's not the first time lately that I've realized that this is our first home assignment where talking about going back to Bolivia hasn't given me apprehension.  I've never doubted that we should return, but I usually have a sense that I didn't do enough in our last term or have sufficient vision for God's purpose for me there.  So early in a home assignment, I usually didn't want to think at all about returning, but just rest in being home and not have the (mostly self-inflicted) pressure of being a missionary.  I don't know exactly what to attribute it to, but there are 2 reasons I can think of that make me think differently this time.  One, time.  We've been in Bolivia as a married couple for over 5 years now.  There are rarely shocks when considering the culture.  We are fluent in the language, even though there will always be lots of room for growth.  It all feels so normal.  Two, friends.  I've always come back feeling like my relationships with Bolivians were lacking.  God has used both Zion's death and my bed rest to help me to see the depth of which people care for us.  I've had more meaningful conversations with people.  I've relied more on the church than I ever did before- more out of necessity than anything (it's easy to hide from people when you're an introvert).  I see God's grace in new ways through what He's allowed us to go through in the last year or so.  It's nice for Him to show me that.  So, I look at Bolivia fondly now and really do miss our lives there.  I wouldn't change being here at this time, as it's brought a lot of joy and peace to our hearts, but it's nice to feel that positiveness toward the place where God's called us.