For such a time as this

This morning was difficult for me, and consequently for Scotty as well. As we are faced with different decisions about where and how to get involved and what is the best use of our time, I find myself confronting fears that I had only a slight idea were there. There are moments in life when you realize what Christ meant when He said that if anyone is to be His disciple, they must take up their cross daily and follow Him. As I come to understand the call that God has on us, I find myself grasping and fumbling to hold onto any scrap of my own desires and bits of my life that I don't want to give up. And now that I am married, I want to clutch my relationship with Scotty to myself and not release that to the merciful hands of God either. So I cry and we pray and I seek my God who has placed all these things in front of us. I took a walk to a plaza this morning, after going through these emotions with Scotty, and opened my Bible to where I had left the marker last. I have not used this particular Bible for more than a year and found that the mark was placed in Ester, right at the time Mordecai found out King Xerxes was going to anhilate the Jews, and runs to Queen Ester asking her to throw herself on the king's mercy in order to save their people. Ester initially expresses a bit of doubt because the king has not called on her for a month and to come into the presence of the king without his call deserves death. Mordecai responds saying, "Who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Ester decides that if she is to die, it is worth it to try to save many. Earlier, I had thought about how I can sometimes feel alone, thinking no one quite understands what I am going through and how many people I have left in order to be here. Then comes Ester- a woman who was given to a stranger king in marriage, one who hasn't even seen her for 30 days, and must have felt much more isolated than me. But knowing that she can make a difference to many lives, she is willing to go to her death.

Then I felt compelled to read John 10, in which Jesus speaks of Himself as the Good Shepherd. He says that He has called His sheep by name, they know His voice, He leads them out and goes before them. He says He has laid down His life for us and that He has come so that we may have life to the full.

Such a powerful sense that God gave me as His Spirit led me to the scriptures of His greater plan and His promise to be with us and to guide us. There is much peace in knowing a Savior like that.