It happened.

Where do I start?  Life has certainly changed with Moses a daily part of it.  It's almost like having a newborn again, since we are still trying to learn his signals, his desires, his communication.  He wakes up quite a bit at night to drink milk every 3 hours.  Between bottles, he wakes up in a fair amount of tummy pain, as his body needs to adjust to our brand of formula.  Nights are hard, but he makes up for it in the day with his good naps and sweet attitude.  He takes in the world around him, especially his crazy big sisters, and rarely has a negative word.  God really knew who would be a perfect fit for our family!  We're laying low, mostly around the house, for the time being- following the good advice of professionals and other adoptive parents to keep things chill in order for all of us to get good and attached to each other.  Between making bottles, feeding, changing diapers and putting down for naps (not to mention what the older girls need), I hardly feel like I could do much else right now.

So, it's a bit surreal that we've finally arrived at this point.  I can't tell you how many times it seemed as though it would NEVER happen.  I'm so glad that is all behind us.  I am grateful that the girls, especially Natty, really enjoy him.  I am grateful that he feels like a part of us- the thought that he was incubated and birthed by another woman is hard to imagine.  I am grateful he seems to be totally comfortable with us.  I am super grateful that Scotty can stick around more than normal to give me a hand and make bottles and read stories to the girls.  He an amazing father and husband.  So, we're a family of 5 now!  I look forward to us growing even more as Moses becomes a deeper part of who we are.

Bricks and disappointment.

Scotty and I decided to take a morning off from visiting Moses in order to check out some brick we might use for our house.  We took Jubi along and drove up to El Alto after dropping Natty off at school.  We picked up a guy who is working for us on the house so he could direct us where to go and then weaved around the mostly dirt roads, heavily-laden with cargo trucks, trying to find the brick factory.  When I say "brick factory", I mean a place out in the middle of nowhere that is usually set on the edge or side of some mountain and has a large brick oven and a few hard-working men and women.  The finished and unfinished bricks lie around in mountains by the sides of the road, waiting to be hauled away or cooked.  This has been my experience with brick factory here.  This was no exception and as we drove down the bumpy dirt road, we were impressed by the view from this 13,000 ft. plateau, surrounded by 360 degrees of Andean, snow-capped mountains.  After chatting with a guy who swore he could make the type of brick we were looking for, we meandered back more or less the way we came, trying a few different back roads to see if they'd get us to where we needed to go.  One of these roads had a wall with a clearly painted message stating, "Suspicious cars will be burned." and "Thieves will be burned alive."  Yes, this happens.  After these lovely warnings, I get a phone call from my lawyer.  I've been anxiously trying to get in touch with her but my calls and messages were being ignored.  She told me what I partly suspected, that we won't be able to get a hearing this week.  The rest of the trip back home, I rode in silence.  It's physically and mentally exhausting to be let down so many times.  I want so badly to take that kind of news in stride, but I also want so badly for our son to come home.  Those two desires war within me and I'm afraid for a little while, the second wins out and I am in despair.  More quickly than before, I am able to feel peace again and so I know all of the trials of this journey have not been in vain.  Surely God is refining me and obviously there is more yuck to burn away in my soul.  I'm glad that we are able to be with Moses, even though it's in the orphanage.  For so many months now, I've had mental deadlines- like, by the time this happens, we'll have Moses home with us.  When that date or event goes by, I set a new deadline.  I've lost track of how many times I've reset my mental schedule.  I hope that next week will prove to be the real schedule and that crib set up in the corner of my room won't be empty any longer.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

Yesterday, I asked the director of the orphanage if she would have mercy on us and let us take Moses home for a day since we are stuck there for another week.  We agreed overnight might be too big of a change for him when he'll have to go back to the orphanage before we get him for good.  So, we all jumped in the car this morning and got there just in time with him wrapped up in a thick blanket and baby-sized sleeping bag with a knit hat on (I had on a tank top and light hoodie jacket if you want to know how cold it really was) and ready to go!  They sent us home with their own food and his formula and bottle and we were off!

First car trip!  Going home...temporarily.

He was quiet, as usual, in the car and eventually drifted off for most of the ride home.  When we got here, we decided just to let him keep sleeping- I knew that his whole schedule would probably be thrown out of whack and was ready to try to roll with that.  Poor Jubilee was feeling crummy and didn't want me out of her sight.  It was a bit of a challenge to have her running a fever and wanting me to be with her, while we also tried to introduce Moses to his new home.  After waking up, we gave him the tour and he set off playing right away.  I was nervous he would be scared and cry, but I'm getting the impression that he really does have a laid-back nature, which is great!  He ate his mid-day meal without fussing and then had his bottle and actually fell right to sleep in his crib!

I never get to bottle feed him since he goes to sleep in his crib with his bottle.  

Cat nap.

 I was thinking, wow!  Perfect!  Then, he was up about 15 minutes later and would not go back to sleep for anything.  He usually naps for 3 hours mid-day in the orphanage so I knew this wasn't good.  We played with him for about an hour before I strapped him into his carrier and he fell asleep on me for close to 2 hours.  It was sweet and I tried not to feel bad about not doing anything but mostly sitting around all that time.  The rest of the day went as smoothly as to be hoped for and he even took a half hour or so nap in his crib later- going in awake and falling asleep on his own after chewing on a tag for a while.  He seemed happy here, interested in the girls and it felt amazing to have him in our home.  As night fell (he was supposed to be back around 7), we were all sad that we had to take him back.  It was just right for him to be here!  But, we bundled him up and he made it back just in time for playtime until bed at 9.  I told the head caretaker that she needed to let us have him again one day this week and she made it sound like we could take him home as much as we wanted!  Shhhhh...don't tell my lawyer.  ;)  Hooray!!  I'm hoping this will ease him into our home and not be overwhelming to spend the day with us and the night with them.  I have to say, he was pretty happy to see his caretakers at the orphanage when we got back.  That's a great sign, but I was a teeny bit jealous.  What a great mother's day gift!

Day 4.

Today was Day #4 with Moses.  I think he's recognizing me and even bounced a little in his walker when I came in yesterday. Although we're still pleased with the orphanage, the realities of taking care of so many babies with so few people is becoming more apparent.  The littlest ones spend a lot of time just laying in their cribs.  Hence, the very flat head Moses has in the back.  Crying is often ignored or a bottle is tied to the crib sides and balanced in the mouth of the baby to quiet it.  I wonder how long it will take for us to break that habit.  After arriving today, I walked into the crib room and heard a baby incessantly crying while I looked at all the walkers for Moses.  Then I went over to his crib and realized he was the crier.  He had gotten himself wedged between the side of the crib and the mattress and there was no one around to relieve him.  These aren't huge things, but I know months of only getting the most basic needs met (except for love, the most important) takes its toll on a baby.  I'm anxious to get him out and get him home.  Our lawyer was supposed to talk with the secretary to make a date for our next hearing where he'll be released to come home, but I haven't heard from her.  This usually means no news.

Scotty, Jubilee and I went up this morning for an hour and a half to play with baby Moses.  I usually strap him into the baby carrier for a bit, which signals sleep-time in his mind.  When I see the eyes drooping, I get him out so as not to throw off the orphanage schedule.  They have meal/bottle time planned for right before nap so every feeding is a game to see who wins- Moses, falling asleep before eating or me, pouring food down his throat as fast as possible.  I feel so bad for him as I continually try to rouse him to eat while his eyes are rolling into the back of his head. Is it always this way or are we particularly exhausting to him?  I asked the director this morning if I could take him out of the orphanage for a walk this afternoon, fulling expecting her to say "no".  But, she said that was fine and so we ventured out for the first time.  He was either mesmerized or terrorized by the cars and then fell asleep directly.  It felt good to have him in a more regular environment and I tried to imagine having the freedom to do that whenever I want.  For now, we are just trying to balance his twice daily visits which eat up the majority of the day, while also dealing with the girls and other things that need to get done.  I'm still amazed that it's all finally happening and can't wait till we can bring him home!

Whirlwind.

Ok, I'll try to catch everyone up on the details without being too wordy.  Our hearing was confirmed a day or so before we were going to have it and up until the point that we walked into the judge's office, I was still slightly doubtful that it would actually happen.  I guess when you've gotten your hopes up so many times, it's hard to believe anymore.  We had an agonizing 45 minute wait for our turn and Scotty and I were feeling pretty nervous about the whole thing.  The lawyer had given us a brief prep, but when they finally called us in, I was fairly intimidated by how serious everyone looked and wondered whether or not I was supposed to make the rounds to do the traditional hand shake/cheek kiss to all these lawyers and social workers.  The judge hardly looked up when we walked in and probably didn't make eye contact with me until I deliberately walked over when we were done and shook her hand with tears in my eyes and a big, "thank you!"  I chose to sit down and saw that my own lawyer followed suit, which made me feel better.  Then, we proceeded to listen to everyone in the room walk through the motions with varying levels of mumbling and disinterest.  However, it felt really good to hear each representative of the various public sectors involved express their approval of us and our desire to adopt Moses.  And so, within about 7 minutes, we were officially assigned this baby we'd been praying and hoping for for so long.  I couldn't help crying a little as we left the office and knew we were on our way to meet our son!  It felt good to walk up to the orphanage like we had so many times before, but now have permission to go inside.  The building itself is old and ornate and the grounds are full of grass and gardens of flowers.  They led us to a large room with pink carpet and a stage in the back and we sat down on old but well-kept couches to await our boy.  I wasn't too nervous at this point- more curious about my own reaction.  Sister Maria, the head of the baby ward, walked him in and he looked pretty different from the picture we had from the newspaper.  She handed him over to me directly and although he wasn't smiling, he didn't seem particularly scared either.  He watched the girls with some interest and I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that this is my son while the social worker gave us a brief run-down of what the next few days would look like.  In the hearing, we were informed that we needed to spend at least 3 full, straight days with him for a time of observation before he could come home with us.  Another few days of paperwork after that and a hearing for the judge to give us the final release.  Jubilee was immediately interested in playing with him, while Natty sat back and made a sour face.  So, then we started our tour of the facilities, Moses riding my hip and saying nothing.  We were impressed with the bright colors, the kids decorations, the stuffed animals, the cozy cribs with each child's name, the organization of meal times, washing up, diaper changes, the friendly staff, the sunshine in most of the spaces and most of all, how much the woman in charge seemed to care for the kids.  All those who can hold up their head and body spend most of their waking hours in walkers-either dragging themselves around, being dragged around by older, walking children, or rolled by the caretakers.  18 is just too many to hold when there's only 3 in charge (or sometimes less, depending on the time of day).  I have to say, the first afternoon with him felt strange and I just kept thinking, I can't believe this day has finally come.  And, as I also expected, it was hard to imagine that this little boy in my arms was my child.  However, the first full day with him had me pretty attached and today, my second full day, he already feels so familiar and I love him more than I could have imagined I could so quickly.  It's tiring to be in an environment like an orphanage when you're trying to get to know your child and I quickly weary of trying to find things for us to do together.  But, I hate to leave him in the afternoon and know he'll have another night sleeping without us.  And, I can't wait to see him in the morning!  Well, there's more details but I think I've already failed to not be very wordy.  Maybe I'll save those for another post.  We're hoping he'll be released next Wednesday or Thursday and are praying to that end.  Hooray for Moses David!!  Thank you, Lord.