Oh, what a week!

You wouldn't guess she was so sick here!  She's looked so good, but felt so bad.

Can I just tell you how my emotions have been on a roller coaster this week?  Last Friday, our little peanut started sounding quite congested.  I chalked it up to allergies and normal infant stuff.  But, she was obviously getting worse by the next day, not eating well and sleeping all day.  I called the pediatrician's office and ended up speaking with my neighbor, who is the nurse practitioner there that we see and happens to have a little girl around Natty's age that she plays with from time to time.  How cool of God to line that all up years ahead of time by putting my parent's in this 'hood?  So, I didn't take her in, but Allison told me what to look out for.  Apparently, when wee ones get a cold, it's so much more serious than when older kids or adults get colds.  And, it can be a nasty thing called RSV, which is a more serious virus but completely unpreventable and is cared for in the same way a cold is.  It can also turn into bronchiolitis, which is as scary as it sounds.  So, my heart began turning flip flops as I realized how sick my baby could be and wondered how this happened when I've been so diligent in keeping her inside for the last 3 weeks.  Why why why??  Doesn't God know how hard it is for me to go through anything risky with a baby?  Didn't He just miraculously work all things for good in my body during this pregnancy and allow her to be perfect even though she was early and tiny?  Yes.  But, apparently there is something good in this, too.  So, we wait and watch and watch and wait and I do a fair amount of worrying myself sick.  And praying.  And trying real hard not to be anxious.  The pediatrician is cautious and tells me how it is and how it could be, while hoping for the best.  Several really rough nights go by- nights when we're awake more than asleep and the baby just seems to be inconsolable.  More days go by when I'm weighed down by my concern, punctuated by moments of clarity and faith- when I'm really believing God is going to take care of us.  I can't help but be overwhelmed, again, by the gift of having Allison living down the street.  She stopped by the house to listen to her lungs and count her breaths, several times.  She let me call her on her cell phone any time and even said she'd come down in the middle of the night to check her before we took her to the E.R.- if it came to that.  Amazing.  We've gotten to know the sweet staff at her pediatrician's office well and they know us.  The last two nights, she's seemed to do better.  More sleep, more eating.  But, she also started wheezing a bit last night, which is another indicator that it's becoming harder for her to breathe- a worrisome thing.  This morning she was coughing more and obviously struggling to take a mucus-free breath.  I was worried.  We took her in to have her checked and prayed a lot that God would heal her on the way.  After Allison checked her, she said she sounded better even than she did last night (when she graciously came over to listen)!  I cried from relief.  She told us that she is incredibly impressed and surprised that Jubilee has handled this virus so well.  She said most babies her age and size would have been in the hospital by now.  She doesn't foresee her getting worse at this point, even though she'd still give her through tomorrow to be really watching for respiratory distress.  So, we see again how faithful and kind God is.  He both allowed this sickness into our household (and now half of us have colds!) and has kept it from doing its worst in the body of my tiny daughter.  I know I will continue to struggle with fear until she is all better but I am learning again(why do these lessons never stick??)  how to believe God in all things.  And, when I look on the Desiring God web page yesterday to listen to Pastor Piper's latest sermon- I am not surprised that it's on overcoming your anxiety based on John 14: "Let not your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God; believe also in me."

P.S. This is where I should have cute one-month old pics of little Jubilee, since today is her one-month birthday...  That will have to wait till she's all better and actually awake.