Another day.

On our way out to the butterfly rain forest.

There's a gentle tap of rain drops outside my window tonight.  A brief thunderstorm passed over the house and I had a few minutes to sit out on the back porch and watch the distant lightening light up the sky.  It wasn't completely dark yet- could it have already been past 8 o'clock?  Summer must be coming when the night is that light.  I tried to take a few deep breaths and thank the Lord for all His goodness before going back inside, where I knew Scotty might be waiting for me to take my turn to rock Jubilee and calm her for sleep.  I'm not sure if I totally blocked out Natty's newborn days or if Jubilee is just a bit more difficult.  She seemed harmless enough at first but we are into the third week now and her eating and sleeping haven't improved.  She still gets up about every 2 hours at night and is tough to get back to sleep a good part of the time after that.  Thankfully, she sleeps a good part of the day but nursing is always a challenge as my breast milk has some kind of tranquilizer in it.  I remember that feeling well of wondering if I'll ever be able to do anything else other than take care of the baby.  I remember things getting better, too.  I'm just hoping they do before we make the big move to Charlotte in early April.  I have to give credit to Scotty who always rises to the occasion and takes quite a bit of stress off of me during the night by rocking Jubilee whenever she can't fall back asleep right away.  He's an amazing man and tends to be more patient than me.

I turned 32 on Tuesday.  Really?  I'm still not quite sure I believe it.  I felt blessed that day.  Like I had every reason to be satisfied in the lot that God has given me.  I have a beautiful family and I have a mighty God that loves me and takes care of me.  I missed Zion a lot that day.  My mom cooked me a birthday breakfast and then the rest of the family ate it while I nursed.  Funny how that seems to happen more often than not.  We then went to the butterfly rain forest- more because I would enjoy watching Natty discover the butterflies than for myself.  But, it was a perfect day and all the flowers were in top form.  Baby J slept through it all and I even got in a good nap after we got home.  Scotty and I made a cheese fondue of sorts for dinner and enjoyed a few rare moments of peace and quiet together before we sacked out.  A good day.

Ooooh- it's your birthday!

So, I'll head to bed now and try not to obsess about what the night might look like and how much crying we may be in for and what if she doesn't eat well again.  The morning always comes and there is always more grace and strength for another day.