Are we still considering adoption?

We've had a fair number of people ask if we're still planning on adopting and where we are in the process.  Honestly, when we left here in March, I had to leave behind my hope that we had a child here waiting for us.  It was like a loss because I had already become somewhat attached to this little Bolivian boy that I had never met but was so sure God had hand-picked for us.  But, I knew that Scotty was pretty convinced he never wanted to come back here and I didn't know what the future held.  I tried not to think about it too much because the thought of leaving one of my children behind was too hard to face.  As we dealt with the present crisis of burn-out and how to find healing, adoption got pushed to the back of my mind and heart for a while.  Then we came back to La Paz, after God did an amazing work in both of our hearts, and I knew that I would have to re-open the issue of adoption.  Were we ready?  Did I still want to go through with it?  Could I handle the needs of a third child when it seemed like my first was going through a phase I barely had the strength or wisdom to adequately deal with?  I was in a place of doubt and I began to ask the Lord to make it clear to me again what He had once made so plain in the past.  I shared honestly my fears with Scotty.  What if he's an angry child?  What if he doesn't click with us or the girls?  What if he breaks our hearts?  There are so many questions and no definite answers.  But, in God's mercy, He began to show me the selfishness of my fears and remind me of His call on our family.  He gently brought me back to a place of trust in Him, no matter who He chooses to bring to us.  He made it clear once again that adoption is a part of our family make-up.  And I began to read books on adoption that helped me to see that the resources and tools that are available will be of such advantage to us.  We are not alone and He will provide what we need to face new challenges.
We had a baby dedication at church on Sunday.  As I watched this sweet family holding their little girl before the congregation and before the Lord, I had this strange mix of feelings wash over me.  Almost at the same time I thought about Zion and what the Lord taught me about really giving our children back to Him and confessing that He is Lord over their lives, and also I thought about our future son and the joy of one day standing in that place before our church family committing him to to his heavenly Father.  There was such joyous expectation and also pain together.  There's a book that Natty has called the Hello, Good-bye Window.   In it, a little girl talks about how when her parents come to pick her up from Nana and Poppy's house, she is so happy to see them, but also sad that she has to say good-bye to her grandparents.  She says something to the effect of, "you can be happy and sad at the same time, you know."  I love how that book admits something so common for all of us- something that we experience so frequently but never quite understand.  God in His greatness and mysteriousness is so full of these tensions.  One thing I do know, I am so excited to meet our little one.