Birthday girl!

This face pretty much characterizes Natty's entire birthday yesterday.  She woke up and we sang Happy Birthday and Cumpleaños Feliz to her while she bounced up and down on the bed and clapped.  She opened a few presents, we played with them, and then she got on her fancy dress (she never dresses up) and went out for donuts with Daddy.  I decided not to waste my calories on less that adequate Bolivian donuts but then regretted my decision when Scotty got back with a particularly fluffy cinnamon and sugar one.  I got a few bites of each and was satisfied, knowing I would mow down a few pieces of birthday cake later in the day.  For the next few hours Natty opened a few more presents, played with them and ran around like a crazy person.  At one point she randomly said while walking around on her new Melissa and Doug floor puzzle, "This is such a fun day for me!"  I whipped up a cake from my desk chair and Scotty helped me to assemble it into a fish shape during nap time and I wasn't sure I could wait until her friends came over to have a piece.  

There was a strange outburst of wailing at nap time that was very uncharacteristic and honestly, a little scary.  I had to call Scotty home since I can't get up and down much and he laid down with Natty for another half hour and she awoke her normal self..  2 of her best friends showed up and the fun really began.  Then came 2 more, 3 a little later, and an unexpected 4 more from the neighborhood after we had already begun to eat cake.  I was only expecting 4 kids total- but, whatever.  The moms brought more cake and cupcakes and marshmallows and lolly pops and I'm pretty sure Natty ate more sugar in an hour long period than her entire life combined.  There's a lot of peer pressure here to give your kids everything and anything they want, even when Mommy knows it will make them sick later.  I let her eat a majority of what she wanted and she didn't throw up that night, so I guess I did OK.  She had a blast and got some more stuffed animals to add to the mountain she has already and we watched a home video of her first birthday party and I dreamed about having a really little one again.  It was a great day and even though I think we went a little overboard on the presents, it was such a gift to see such joy and enthusiasm in my little girl, especially as she enjoyed all the loving friends God has given her.

Today I've had a lot of alone time.  It's been wonderful.  Scotty's taken Natty out most of the day and I've done a lot of necessary research online, read, slept and eaten left-over birthday cake.  I've been wondering lately why I feel so calm about everything.  A lot of friends here are concerned about how I'm doing emotionally- how I'm handling everything.  I can honestly tell them that I am fine!  Then I think, should I be fine?  Should I be freaking out more?  Am I not letting myself be aware of what could happen and living in a fantasy world??  No.  I know what could happen.  I've been through the absolutely worst case scenario and actually lived through it.  I think I've been through a mom's worst nightmare, but somehow God has made me stronger on the other side.  Not only stronger, but more aware of His strength, of His goodness.  I am choosing not to focus on what could happen, but instead, to believe He has everything under control.  I am remembering that He loves this child more than me and He loves me more than I can understand.  How can you worry when this is clear to you?  I am so grateful to Him for making this clear to me, even when it had to come through the death of a beloved son.  But now, I can go through a complicated, scary pregnancy and be at peace (most of the time).  I can trust that all the numerous details of our time in the states- where we'll live, what doctor we'll have, how I'll make it all happen while on bed rest- will be worked out by His gracious hand.  I will look forward to being witness of how He perfectly works it all out.