I hardly know what to think about Christmas this year. I am excited because my parents arrive on Christmas morning and I know having them here will be a great distraction and such a fun time for them to be able to interact with Natty and get to know her now in this fantastic stage where she is learning and talking and doing the cutest, funniest things. She is truly a blessing and I know I would be horribly depressed if she weren't around. However, I can't help but think constantly of Zion- which really is no different than any other day, Christmas or not. How many times did I picture myself sitting by the Christmas tree with him, resting on the couch and looking at the lights glowing? How many people did we ask to pray that he would come home by Christmas? I know he is home- his eternal home- but that's not quite what I was hoping for. The whole point of my parents coming at Christmas was so that they could be here for the birth and help us in the first few weeks. Everything is so very different now. As long as I stay busy, I manage. But the moment I have quiet, my heart becomes very heavy and full of sadness. I posted an article on my facebook that talks about Christmas not being what everyone pictures in their mind- a happy, jolly day when families get along and sip hot cocoa around the Christmas tree and laugh and open presents. It's great if it can be like this. But, the point of Christmas is that we are all broken, we all suffer in some way, we are all needy and have issues. That's why Christ was born. The Word was made flesh so that He could experience the sadness, the brokenness, the pain that we go through and so that He could redeem it all. This has been one comfort to me this holiday. A good friend told me that it's OK if Christmas is sad this year, if it's not full of joy and laughter. How strongly I recognize my own brokenness, my need for a good Savior this year. As I think about Zion and how his death has profoundly changed my view of the world and of life, I am so much more thankful that Christ came to bring hope and to understand our suffering. And so part of me is ready for Christmas to hurry up and get over with while another part of me wants to understand more deeply what it is all about.
4 comments:
Beautifully written, Lisa. I pray that this Christmas will touch you deeply. Merry Christmas.
i am glad your parents are coming. i am praying for you and scotty. i appreciate your blog posts. i don't always know what to say, other than I pray for you. and I am so sorry. praying for God's loving arms to carry you.
This brings tears to my eyes....for the loss and hole that you feel right now and for how I have forgotten so, so easily the whole point of this season. I've been wondering lately if, in the midst of the joy of the Christ's coming (in the big picture), the Father didn't also feel sadness and grief in what was coming. It surely wasn't all jingle bells and laughter...I guess that's why our hope is that the end will be amazing.
So, thanks for the reminder, friend and you're continually in my prayers.
This is what I have been thinking about Christmas, too, this year. The meaning of Christmas is so much deeper than the glitter...for the broken and hurting. You express it well!
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