Thursday, October 28, 2010
Touch and Go
A doctor friend of ours wisely warned us that the road with Zion is going to be very long and things will be touch and go for a while. I think it's starting to sink in today after a very draining visit this morning when his doctor informed us that the leak they had thought was taken care of yesterday was back again. The doctor seemed stressed and tense and didn't help my emotional state at all. He said that if things didn't clear up this afternoon, they would need to do surgery tomorrow. I just had this overwhelming urge to scoop up my little boy and take him home. I don't want to see any more tubes inserted in his body. I don't want to hear that they had to sedate him to do yet another painful procedure. I don't want to wake up every morning wondering what else could possibly have happened to him in the night. I don't want to see his frail little body lying there unresponsive, thinking as I leave that it might be the last time I see him breathing. These were my terrible thoughts today and the whole time I held his little hand, I couldn't help thinking that we might never take him home. I don't have the peace today that I had yesterday and I can not bring myself to even pretend to think and believe in the best. I'm glad there is grace when our faith fails and I am praying for God to restore that faith to me now.
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8 comments:
We are all praying for you, Lisa. Wish we were there to sit and cry and pray together.
God knows and understands every tear you cry, every broken moment. He is there with you, even when your faith is frail, especially when it is frail. We love you so much, and will pray without ceasing.
S&L,
We read this passage in the service on Sunday. "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18. I couldn't help but think of that entire chapter as I read your post. We are such fragile vessels, physically and spiritually, yet we have shining within us a treasure so precious (v.7) - the gospel of the glory of God in the face of Jesus, hope of resurrection and eternal glory! Know I empathize with your feelings of weakness (though I can't say I know what it's like to be in your situation), but even more, our Great High Priest sympathizes. Hang in there. We'll pray for you at music rehearsal tonight, and keep on praying!
I think you've verbalized what others of us are trying hard not to feel and we aren't there to actually see him. So very sorry that you and Zion are having to go through this experience. We are praying for Gods hand of guidance to be on all the drs caring for Zion.
Oh Lisa, we are praying for comfort and peace!! And for strength for Zion. Thanks for keeping us posted.
Praying and praying for you. Wish I could come and stay with you. How long can you stay at his bedside? Could you spend the day with him? Or half a day? I know things change minute by minute. Do you know if he got surfactant? They would have put it in his lungs after he was born. We transition our premies to nasal CPAP very quickly... do they try that there? Be encouraged. Pneumothroraces can heal. Our creator is a wonderful, amazing healer. He is bigger than all of our concerns. He is the great physician and can heal Zion's lungs. Any news on his bowels? Do they seem to be functioning? Praise God for your strong faith. Praying for Natty too - she knows those tubes are not natural! You are all so precious to us. Feel the power of all the prayers of your friends and family and let it carry you through this night. Love, Shelley and Dave
Groaning and bearing this burden with you. Glad you aren't pretending and just putting on a strong face. Trusting that He is with us when we pass through the fire and the waves will not consume us. Praying your whole family through this, friend.
Praying for you and Zion!! God is faithful!!
Leanna
(Laura's sister)
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