It's cold and dreary today. Matches my mood. We thought we were there- one step away. AGAIN. She said just this one meeting with the judge needed to happen before we could have our chance to be assigned our little boy and finally meet him. I made myself wait almost a week after that supposed meeting before I called the lawyer (who had chosen not to reply to my text from the day before). Worst case scenario, she's heard nothing, I thought. What I didn't expect was for her to say that the date for the meeting had to be changed and had actually just happened the day before. Also, there was a document from the orphanage missing and there would need to be another meeting with the judge...which had not yet been planned. She said she's spoken with the social worker at the orphanage who assured her she would hurry it up. This is what she said the last time, and it took 3 months. So, again, there is no end in sight. What a blow.
I woke up this morning feeling heavy. Sad. I made a list of things I needed to do and took my sweet Jubilee out to run errands and work on projects. I thought constantly of our baby, our situation, another set-back, how this will affect our plans and hopes. It feels like it might never come to an end. I know the Lord has a purpose in this. I know it is good and right and loving. But, why does it have to be so hard? Why do we have to wait, again? Why do we need yet another reminder that we're out of control and powerless? I'm reading Joshua and seeing the way the Lord is empowering His people to wipe out every man, woman and child who stands in the way of them occupying this promised land. He even "heeds the voice of a man" at one point and stops the sun for about a day so they can finish up killing another lot of people. I know that the miracle we need is not so great at this (maybe just a tiny bit smaller, though). I know He is for us, as He was for Israel. I keep hoping for the miracle that I'm not seeing.
So, we shift our expectations again. Maybe he'll be closer to a year old than we were thinking. Maybe we won't be able to take our trip home this summer for NICS training. Who knows at this point?
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2 comments:
I've been there. Not the same story, but many many setbacks along the way. People told me it would work out, it would be fine, you'll get your boy and one day forget all this. It's totally true. Someday in the future (hopefully soon) your family will be all together. You'll be so busy bonding and attaching and trying to make sense of it all that these months apart these struggles with paperwork will fade away.
Oh, Lisa. I'm so sorry about this. So hard to wait in uncertainty with yet another delay. Praying for lovely, shining evidence of His grace for you today.
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