Have I ever mentioned how I love those Psalms where David spends some time cataloging his woes and wondering where God is? It's nice to know even the man after God's own heart had some moments of complaining. Do you mind if I take a moment to do that, too? Sorry my words are probably not divinely inspired quite like David's...
Since we've come to Charlotte, Jubilee has managed to stretch out her night and day feedings just a bit, but she's added in this fun twist of fussing and grunting and making all manner of unhappy noises and crying in between feeds...which has us up at least as much as before. I think she's starting to have some gas issues that contribute to this. Well, she had a particularly difficult bout of this on the night that I found out I had mastitis again. Add to that the fact that she somehow stopped realizing how to use the paci and now slurps and sucks unsuccessfully, gulping in lots of air and dropping it repeatedly from her mouth. Hence, the gas. And, that seems to have transferred to breast feeding, where she is now struggling to get a good latch a portion of the time. Thankfully, I think she's still doing well enough to not worry me that she's not getting enough milk but there is definitely more soreness. Then, yesterday is the cherry on the sundae. Scotty and I notice she is getting a bit yellow- strange for a baby that is no longer technically a newborn. We are able to get her in to the doctor where she had a new patient visit scheduled for next week. They look at her, ask a bunch of questions and take some blood. That was oh so sad and she temporarily lost her yellow hue for more of a purplish red induced by a heart-wrenching crying jag. So, I call this morning (3 times) before I manage to finally get an answer about the result (after waiting last night for the promised lab result call) and the nurse nonchalantly mentions that the levels of bilirubin are slightly elevated and the doctor recommends stopping breastfeeding for 48 hours and then reevaluating her next week. What?! At this point, my mind is spinning trying to absorb this info and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to pump for 2 days with my single hand pump which usually pulls out about an ounce, if I'm lucky, and still manage to have enough milk to breastfeed. I hang up, cry and immediately start looking online. Oh, that's after I get Scotty into go mode and send him on a hunt for formula and a Radio Shack to try to fix my old electric double pump and get back all within the hour when Jubilee needs to eat next. Yeah, right. So, I see online that breastfeeding jaundice is usually not harmful and is best treated by breastfeeding MORE frequently in order to flush out the extra bilirubin. Rarely, I read, is it helpful to stop breastfeeding unless the levels are really high and they want to bring them down quickly. And, if you do stop breastfeeding, it's only for 24 hours. So, then I get on the phone with Shelli, my go-to medical informant and highly skilled encourager/calmer-downer. Leave message. Then I call my nurse practitioner friend in Gainesville. Leave message. Then I call a woman I don't even know who is a friend of a friend who is a lactation consultant. I'll need someone to coach me in how to be a better pumper. She'll call me back. Then I pray. Probably should have done that first. But, I hold Jubilee and pray and try not to freak out and go find Natty who is playing with a little boy that came over and wait for all my peeps to call back. This is where I'll try to shorten things. Friends call back and we decide a) don't take the advice of the pediatrician; b) keep nursing and get things checked again next week; and c) find a new pediatrician quickly. Beth and a sweet friend from church were downstairs when I went to go get Jubilee's bathing bucket after all this had been worked out. I relayed what had happened, cried, had lots of sympathy and got some prayer. My emotions had been all over the place this morning and I was incredibly scared about trying to stop breastfeeding and didn't even like the idea of being physically unattached from my baby for that long. I'm just now, as I type, starting to feel a more full release from this stress. We have really been through a lot with this little girl in the last 8 weeks!
So, now that I've vented, let's move on. At the end of those whining Psalms there is always a remembrance of God's goodness, His faithfulness, His steadfast love. Let's take a look at that in this situation, shall we? So, the first thing is that I was able to get into a new practice the same day for Baby J to get looked at. Second, even though I really wanted to know that night what the diagnosis was, if I had received that call, Scotty would have had to go out in the late evening to find formula and I would have spent all night worrying and trying to manually pump something, probably ending in lots of frustration and tears. Third, I have friends that I trust who are smart, call me back quickly, and actually care about me and my baby. And, they give great, trustworthy medical advice. Forth, although maybe first in priority, I have a husband who will drop everything to help me and support me. Fifth, the bilirubin levels were low enough that I could safely continue to breastfeed and wait until her next appointment to be rechecked. This is awesome news. Sixth, I am staying with an amazingly loving family who will hug me and sympathize and another friend happened to be here who held me and prayed and gave me the name of her beloved nurse practitioner/lactation consultant. Those are just the things I'm aware of. Oh, yeah- and I was able to call the friend who delivered Jubilee as soon as I realized I was getting mastitis again and have her call in some meds. So, God shows Himself faithful and present as always and although I am still a little bit weighed down by some latch issues and a little uncertain of what might happen in the next week with Jubilee's jaundice (there's still a small possibility that it could be something more serious that will present itself later)- I am grateful. And a little bit exhausted.
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