Highlights

Here's some random bits of life that have happened here lately:

Funny things Natty has said-
   
     "Mommy, can I get a tattoo?"
     "I don't really love God.  I like him, I guess.  Maybe I'll love Him when I'm older."  This one, by the way, is hard for any Christian parent to admit that their child said when reading about a lot of other Christian mommies memorizing scriptures with their kids, listening to them praying for their friends, etc...  Natty has a very real, rebellious sin nature and it is terrifying to see it.  However, it reminds us that we can't force the gospel on her, that God's own Spirit must work to change her heart, even at this age.  We certainly are reminded to pray more fervently when she says things like this.

Natty's top 2 enjoyments of the Christmas season:
1. opening presents
2.  decorating the tree with Nana

Lisa's top 2:
1.  watching Natty open presents and decorate as well as share often why we are really celebrating
2.  food

Highlights of 2011, in random order
1.  spending 2 months with our parents visiting us in La Paz at the beginning of the year
2.  getting back into ministry after losing Zion
3.  celebrating Natty's third birthday with her favorite Bolivian friends and their mommies
4.  finding out we were expecting again
5.  back to back visits from friends in Minneapolis and Charlotte
6.  SIM annual retreat with the whole Bolivia crew- so glad Natty was old enough to enjoy the kids program this year
7.  enjoying the outpouring of love and help provided by our Mallasilla and church friends.  This included frequent baby-sitting, bringing of food, coming to visit with food, coming to visit with kids to play with Natty, lots of prayers and phone calls.
8.  coming back to the US
9.  hearing that my body looks normal and I could get off my rear and do something!!!
10.  celebrating Christmas in my hometown with my family

Aspirations for 2012:
Thrive.  It's hard to make resolutions when everyone seems to try it and then get to the end of the year and realize they didn't complete their list.  I'm not big on making resolutions, but I do like to look back at my last year and see what I did well or didn't do well and how I could continue or improve certain things.  This year is going to be unique because three months in, there will be a baby Jubilee born.  She will make it hard to do anything productive, other than take care of her for a bit.  Then, we'll go back to Bolivia and spend a few months adjusting back to life and ministry there, while continuing to balance the needs of 2 small kids.  And, we want to build a house.  Yikes!  So, my idea is that I might try to work in a good, though-provoking Bible study before Jubilee is born for my own edification and then just see what happens after that.  I want to continue reading the Bible through each year, which I feel I've got a good habit of doing...although I could stand to be a bit more consistent.  And, I'd like to be a bit more flexible with this baby's schedule than I was with Natty's- so that's something.  Generally, I would like to just make myself available as a friend to the ladies at church, have people over more and try to utilize the gifts God's given me without letting myself be taken captive by the introversion He's also created in me.

I'm currently reading a book called, Introverts in the Church: Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture, by Adam McHugh.  It's giving me a lot of insightful looks into the depth of who I am and some of those chuckles of "that's so me!".  So far he's touched a lot on why the Western church tends to esteem extroversion over introversion and the unique gifts introverts can bring into a Christian community.  He's just starting to scratch a bit at how introverts can use their personality as a crutch or excuse to not be more involved in people's lives and I'd like to hear some more about this, as I feel constantly compelled to overcome my solitary tendencies.  However, there's a lot of good, "it's OK that you're this way cause God can use you like this" happening, which is refreshing.

So, randomness completed.  May you all be blessed abundantly as you look at what the Lord has done in your life in 2011 and look forward to what He may do in 2012.  I'm most excited about bringing a healthy baby into the world, Lord-willing and enjoying another 6 months in our home country.

The fight.

It's funny (annoying) how quickly your emotions can swing back and forth when you're pregnant- or maybe just if you're me.  Tuesday we had another check-up with the doctor- we'll be going every 2 weeks now.  I'm at 28 weeks, which is the time when everything started going wrong in my pregnancy with Zion, so I was a bit anxious to find out the status of body at this point.  The doctor again saw no change in my cervix and was very pleased with my weight gain, blood pressure, etc...  It was another one of those times when things turned out as perfectly as you could hope they would- something that has characterized all of my appointments so far since arriving to the US.  I was thrilled and spent the rest of that day thanking God continually.  It feels so incredibly nice to live a mostly normal life and do the things that I want to do, within reason.  Then, the other night, Natty woke up absolutely terrified about something.  Her screaming was really traumatic to me that night and I found myself awake long after she had gone back to bed.  I don't know if it was a form of spiritual attack or just the tiredness (lots of things seem more serious and often more negative when you're awake in the middle of the night), but I started picturing what it would be like when the time came for us to return to Bolivia, and it wasn't pretty.  First, I imagined the actual process of getting there, which always includes a long overnight flight that is hard with one child that can't get comfortable and is up off and on throughout the night, usually crying from exhaustion.  But, this time there is also a small baby involved.  Flashbacks to our arrival in La Paz when Natty was just shy of 3 months were playing in my head when we had to break through the customs line and whiz past a confused/angry looking guard because our daughter had stopped breathing and was turning purple around the lips.  High altitude can do harsh things to little ones (and big, too).  I certainly can't help but think of a repeat of that with Jubilee, who will be 3 1/2 months old when we are slated to go back.  Then, there were scenes of La Paz.  I usually have no problem with the fact that Bolivia is a developing world and reflects that in different ways wherever you are, even the capitol.  However, that night, my feeling was that it was harsh, dirty, unwelcoming, scary.  After losing Zion there and a handful of other less than ideal experiences with doctors and hospitals, I often fear going back to raise not just one, but two children there.  It was hard to not be temporarily overwhelmed by these thoughts and even wonder what would we do if I just couldn't return.  I woke up in the morning not feeling anything quite that dramatic and marveling that just a few weeks ago, I was looking fondly at our beloved Bolivian home and family, missing our time there and experiences there with them.  Why so fickle??  I suppose this is just the reality of our lives.  There is real good here in the US and there.  There is real bad in both places, also.  There is a seemingly eternal quest to think in a way that is balanced and healthy, to remind myself of Who is controlling our lives and what we experience in them and to rest in His goodness, grace and power when the answers don't come easily.  I think my struggles are real but I think I can let them grow to monstrous proportions when I'm not careful, when I take my focus off of Christ.  The Bible is full of good promises that we must keep our eyes fixed, unwavering, on the Lord and He will give us peace, He will guide, He will make the path straight.  Sometimes that task is easier than at other times, but it's always worth the fight.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

There is something magical about Christmas time.  We feel it strongly this year, mostly because it is falling so close to our return back to the U.S.  All the traditions seem more fun this year, as well, because Natty is at that age where she can finally get into it.  She loves the Christmas tree- decorating it, turning it on, looking at the ornaments, putting presents under it.  We recently had a white elephant gift exchange with my parent's small group and she got such a kick out of helping people pick out a gift to open and squealing with anticipation while they slowly peaked at what was inside.  She wants to help everyone wrap presents and does a surprisingly good job of keeping a secret, since she's probably seen what everyone is receiving from everyone else.  She likes to tease me by saying, "We bought you something at the store today, Nana."  At that point (starting to get nervous she'll give away the surprise), I jump in and remind her that it's a secret and she whines at me, "Mommy- you don't have to keep telling me that.  I just want to say that we bought Nana something.  I'm not going to tell her what!"  As if it's foolish of me to remind my barely three year old daughter not to spill the beans.  It's been a challenge to find kids books in the library that talk about the real meaning of Christmas, always wanting to keep Jesus the center of our celebrations.  It's already hard enough to talk about spiritual things with such a young person.  How much is she understanding?  What if she just doesn't care?  I still haven't figured out exactly what traditions we want to incorporate into our family to take some of the focus off of giving to just our family and put it on being generous with those who have real needs.  It will look totally different in Bolivia than it would here.

Apparently, I'm the one enjoying the Christmas food the most.  I gained a few pounds more than the recommended weight increase for pregnant ladies last month.  I swear just landing in the U.S., at low altitude, bumps up your weight a few pounds.  So, my doctor has told me I can only gain 3 pounds in the next month.  What??  With Christmas cookies and egg nog and Christmas parties and my best girl friends coming into town?  Get real.

I have to share the good news that my last OB check-up when equally as well as the first.  I was a little nervous after a full month of activity, that things in my body might not be holding as strong as they were when I was inactive and the baby was smaller.  However, the doctor found all to be about the same and gave me the go-ahead to continue on as I was.  A small Christmas miracle for us!  He'll start seeing me every 2 weeks just to keep a close eye on things.

I continue to feel incredibly relaxed here.  Blessed to have time.  Time to sleep, to eat, to be with my family.  I think I've laughed a lot more in the last few weeks than in a long time.  I am grateful.

Update

Picnic at the park

The days seem to have sped up recently.  Maybe it's because I've actually had things to do.  As much as I think I'm saving myself time and energy doing online Christmas shopping, it can still be a very time-consuming task that often becomes mentally exhausting.  Do you ever have that feeling like the world at your fingertips can sometimes be a little overwhelming?  The options are nice, but can get a bit excessive if you don't find exactly what you want very quickly.  However, I'm not physically able to amble around the mall all afternoon and I don't have to deal with other shoppers, so I do prefer the web.  In the last couple of days, I've also searched as many engines as possible for the perfect beach front condo in the Charleston area for a dream beach vacation I've been planning on taking with both sets of our parents for next summer.  It's been several years since I've been to a beach where I can swim (the beach we went to last year in Chile is ice cold year round and not often even warm enough to be comfortable sitting on the sand in shorts).  So, on a purely selfish level, my biggest goal for this trip home is to get some good beach time in.  Natty, although born in a land-locked country, is drawn like a fish to the water and could probably happily dig in sand all day long.  I will give her this opportunity.  I'm a bit fearful to make a reservation now because there's still that part of me that thinks something is going to make Jubilee come too early and we won't be able to do our planned trip, but if I don't make reservations now, there won't be anything left soon.  It's going to be a reservation of faith.

Scotty and I had a lovely date last night, thanks to a ministry called the Micah Wessman Foundation, who sends care packages to families far and wide who have lost children.  They sent us an Applebees gift card and we indulged in appetizers, steaks and dessert on them.  That's my kind of date.  Scotty asked me at one point if I'd had any thoughts yet about how life and ministry might look different when we go back to Bolivia.  It's not the first time lately that I've realized that this is our first home assignment where talking about going back to Bolivia hasn't given me apprehension.  I've never doubted that we should return, but I usually have a sense that I didn't do enough in our last term or have sufficient vision for God's purpose for me there.  So early in a home assignment, I usually didn't want to think at all about returning, but just rest in being home and not have the (mostly self-inflicted) pressure of being a missionary.  I don't know exactly what to attribute it to, but there are 2 reasons I can think of that make me think differently this time.  One, time.  We've been in Bolivia as a married couple for over 5 years now.  There are rarely shocks when considering the culture.  We are fluent in the language, even though there will always be lots of room for growth.  It all feels so normal.  Two, friends.  I've always come back feeling like my relationships with Bolivians were lacking.  God has used both Zion's death and my bed rest to help me to see the depth of which people care for us.  I've had more meaningful conversations with people.  I've relied more on the church than I ever did before- more out of necessity than anything (it's easy to hide from people when you're an introvert).  I see God's grace in new ways through what He's allowed us to go through in the last year or so.  It's nice for Him to show me that.  So, I look at Bolivia fondly now and really do miss our lives there.  I wouldn't change being here at this time, as it's brought a lot of joy and peace to our hearts, but it's nice to feel that positiveness toward the place where God's called us.