I've been feeling bad lately about not blogging- knowing that many of you are wondering how I am doing (thank you). I have to tell you that I haven't had much of a chance to process how I am doing at the moment. My parents were here for almost 3 weeks, we had 4 days to clean and prepare for my in-laws visit, and now we are busy hanging out with them. Both visits have been wonderful and such a blessed time to see our families and do everything and nothing with them. Neither set have much interest in travelling or filling up the time with touristy things so we spend the days running errands, playing play-doh, cleaning, cooking, eating, and just "being". It's nice and I'm happy to have this large chunk of time filled with something so easy and important as spending quality time with your family is. So, all that to say, I haven't really focused much on my feelings or where I stand in the grieving process. I know that there are still many sad days and moments. I know I still miss Zion so, so much, think about him constantly, imagine what it might have been like had he been here at this time, remember the few and precious days we had with him and what it felt like to touch him, wonder what the future will be like without him and what it might turn out like as we think about having more kids down the road, and generally feel like my life will never be the same. That I know. Without needing to think about it too hard, I also know that God is working in my heart to help me come to a better place about it all. I don't understand it any better than I did, I still don't think whatever I might learn is worth it, but I am starting to really believe that one day it will be OK. And one day I will see and experience and proclaim that good has come from it. And one day my faith will be so much deeper than it could have been if it hadn't happened. One day things will feel normal again. I suppose I believe this now because God has allowed me to experience tiny glimpses of it. Glimpses of hope and joy that I haven't experienced until recently. I know the journey continues to be long and as I am quite accustomed to now, the path might be smooth and relatively straight for a bit and then it suddenly and unexpectedly takes a sharp turn and becomes dark and full of pot holes. But, I can walk in the dark and hope for the light, believing it will come.
3 comments:
In God's timing, the joyful morning He promises can seem so far away. We rejoice with you that you have begun to see the first glimpse of the sunrise. We can only continue to pray with you and love you as we all wait and hold fast to His promises.
Lisa, my heart cries out to the Lord alongside you for that peace that surpasses all understanding. I praise Him for giving you times of rest for your soul in the midst of a grieving storm. For glimpses of his goodness...family to love on you...and a husband to be weak with. Know that there are many people praying for you and your heart. We will rejoice with you when your mourning turns into dancing....when your path sees more straight aways than crooked turns and dark tunnels...When you can't remember the last time you had a really hard day. THEY WILL COME. He is faithful. Hugs to you my sweet sister in Christ.
Amen, Steve. And Amen, Lisa! Keep trusting that this long night of weeping will end with the breaking of the dawn on the morning He has promised! Keep seeing the distant, dim stars that will ONE DAY be swallowed up, not by the darkness of night, but by the light of His joy that comes in the morning! Your Charlotte family misses, loves, and prays for you!
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