The one where we went to Tennessee.

Well, I promised to write if something interesting happened and it did!!

We got on a plane and flew to the United States!! With as bad as things have gotten in Bolivia and coronavirus, I never thought I would.  However, our prayer had been that if the Lord wanted to take us to the states for a time, He would make a way.  And, He sure did!  Our supporting church in Crossville, TN generously offered us a home next to the church, an anonymous Christian car dealership owner offered us a car and a whole bunch of people pitched in to outfit that home with furniture, tables, lamps, dishes, and everything we could possibly want or need.  Then, when it looked like blockades might keep us from making it to the airport (again??  What's up with this year and our stressful attempts to leave Bolivia?!), a truckload of people prayed the way open for us.  

So, we are here in lush, green, warm, beautiful central Tennessee.  It all happened rather fast, but it was so clear to us that our kind Father had provided this special gift for us.  Not only will we be in a place that is more stable than our beloved Bolivia, but we will have the chance to spend more time around Scotty's parents than we have in our entire marriage!  Already we feel how the relative normalcy has helped relieve the high tension we've been experiencing since La Paz shut down in March.  We've seen people outside of our family and had the true privilege of joining, in the flesh, a body of Christ in worship today.  We've taken the kids swimming in a lake, hiked through the woods, gone to Walmart and biked in the church parking lot. 

These might seem like small treats, but after almost half a year cooped up at home, these are precious times for us.  And, are ready for this??  I HAVE A DISHWASHER!  Can you feel the excitement? Household duties are so much simpler here.  That leaves me time to enjoy my family and my surroundings in a way I haven't been free to in a long time.

We aren't usually excited about fast food when we come here, but we let loose a little...for the sake of the kids, you know.  

Today, we set up our "homeschool" table where the kids will begin a new year of school- the first semester fully online.  And so, a new routine in a very new place begins.  We can't wait to see what the Lord has for us in this time.  He's taught us a new level of dependence on Him this year and solidified the truth in our hearts that He alone controls our future and His plans are good.  We know it won't all be roses and sunshine, but we know He's with us, He loves us.  And, we continue to pray for Bolivia- for the peace of the country and a president that will seek the good of the people.  We pray for the many, many people who are struggling with illness and loss of jobs.  We ask for His power to be at work and for His mercy to be alive in and through those who know Him.  We wait and watch.

In God's sovereignty, my sister-in-law and our nephew had a quick visit planned this week!

Where has the quarantine time gone?

With all that is going on in the world, it probably slipped by you that I haven't blogged in a while.  With all that is going on in the world, I haven't had the faintest idea what to say about it all.  What I thought was a temporary state of being has turned into something without an end in sight.  We finished up school under strict quarantine.  Natalie finished elementary school without the big celebration and ceremony she would have had if we were in session.  Moses finished his first year of pre-K and will be starting "full-time" school next year.  All three kids did excellent in their classes, despite the stress and boredom of never leaving the house, staring at a computer screen for way too long and trying to interact with classmates and teachers over Zoom.  Scotty trudged through online teaching- trying to keep himself focused while surrounded by his wife and three children and a myriad of other responsibilities all day long, while also trying to figure out how to engage his students and convince them that they did still need to turn in work if they wanted to pass his classes.  We got into a groove by June, but it was still a massive challenge for all of us. 

So, we're on school break!  And, we won't start back until several weeks later than we normally do, so we have more time!  But, Bolivia is still in quarantine.  A few weeks ago, the very strict quarantine I wrote about in my last blog let up and we were actually allowed out Monday-Friday and able to drive!  Wow!  Getting in a car and going into town where there are real shops was a treat.  But, not one that I did very often.  We were able to deal with a few health issues in that time and Moses got glasses and then they put us into a 3 day total lockdown where no one could be out on the street at any point.  Now, we're back in a pseudo-quarantine and the reports are that we won't hit our peak until September, but cases are out of control and hospital systems have totally collapsed.  Kids are still not allowed to leave the house unless of a medical issue.

So, this is not the vacation I was expecting.  Most of the other teachers at Highlands managed to get back to the U.S. (on repatriation flights, normal air travel is still completely shut down), but we are home.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bit sorry for myself from time to time.  Although it's good to see my friends in the states starting to enjoy a little bit of "normal" again, the reality of being stuck here can feel heavy.  I'd love to take my kids on a road trip so that they could at least get out of the house for a bit, but we can't.  And, Highlands has (wisely) decided that school will be online at least until January 2021.  While this option feels safer to me than sending my kids to school during our covid peak, it also feels a bit overwhelming to know we can't really get out of the house much during our break and then will be back to all working from home every day for the rest of the year. 

So, Scotty has been helpful in encouraging me to trust that the Lord has us right where we should be and in the situation that He is in control of.  Although there is nothing exciting happening, we can enjoy this time together, take a slower pace and find contentment in the small things.  We are pressing into that and so very grateful that we are together and have our health.   We've seen a couple friends in the last week, outside, and keeping our distance. But, that's something, at least.  We're doing projects around the house and we got a new kitten to distract us.

 I'm still involved in the women's ministry through participating in Bible studies, leading a break out group (over Zoom) and doing a little teaching as well. 

So, that's us right now.  If anything interesting happens, I'll be sure to let you know.

And then...we stayed home some more.

Puzzles!

I guess it's time I join the blogosphere again.  Shortly after my last post, Moses got really sick.  For almost two weeks he had a high fever day and night.  Higher than any of my children have ever had before.  It scared the crap out of me.  In a normal world, I would have taken him to a doctor and gotten some professional feedback.  We would have eventually taken blood samples when the fever didn't abate.  I would have felt like someone who knew something was on top of this situation. Instead, I struggled for days on end with the unknown.  I wondered if I should be doing something more to protect myself, Scotty and the girls in case it was covid-19.  But, how do you care for a 5 year old who needs his parents desperately without actually being around him?  I wondered what would happen if he started showing other frightening signs of being dangerously sick when there were no private doctors that could or would see him.  What would the risk of going to a hospital look like where possibly sicker people are and all the doctors/beds are maxed out?  Would we get in trouble driving there when they are cracking down on anyone driving cars?  As I started to run out of fever reducing meds, I wondered if I'd be able to get any more.  Any number of things went through my head most of the day and into some nights as well.  I don't remember ever feeling so anxious. There were bright moments when the Lord would graciously remind me that He is trust-worthy, no matter what He allows into our lives.  We prayed like crazy and many of you did too- thank you for that!  Per my doctor's orders, we called the 800-line to get a covid test.  I spoke with a woman on the phone who whispered hurriedly to me that she was in a meeting and asked if I could send her our info...they would try to come out (yay for not going to the public hospital!), but their teams were booked and busy and there just weren't enough people.  So, I hung up wondering if it would happen.  Meanwhile, I got in touch with a nurse friend I trust who recommended not having Mo tested because it would expose him to others who had possibly been around the virus.  In his weakened state, it would not be a good idea.  However, the team showed up on our doorstep that day and we flat-out refused to open the door for them, calling down to the street over our wall that we didn't feel comfortable going through with the procedure.  I felt terrible, knowing that a lot of people were needing this service and recognizing that they had responded so quickly to take the swab.  They pressed us and after a panicked wrestling over what to do, we decided to go through with it.  We did it outside, on the street, and as quickly as possible.  They told us they would contact us in 3-4 days and only if the results were positive.  That seemed like an eternity!  I wrote a request for prayer to send out to our prayer army (over 400 people!) and they prayed and encouraged us with many emails.  God answered and the next day (!!) we got a call saying that his test results were negative.  Oh, the relief!  In the end, I'm so grateful we went through with the test because just knowing what it wasn't was helpful.

Today, Mo has been fever-free for 3 days, and he's slowly regaining his normal energy levels.  You know when you're going through something awful and you think once it's over you'll be so grateful that nothing will seem too hard to deal with?  Yeah...I thought that, too.  But, it's still hard.  Having Moses mostly healthy is something I am incredibly grateful for.  But, there is still this weight that sometimes settles on me or on our entire household.  The continual lesson of realizing I really have no control over life can be tiring.  Even finding the words right now to describe what I'm feeling is a bit beyond me.  I know you get it.  There's this messy muddle of fear, joy, submission, nearness to God, repentance, boredom, purpose and everything in between.  I'm more thankful now for the community the Lord has put around us, near and far, than ever before.  The ways we have to connect are not the same, but they are special.  And, slowing down has been so good.  My newfound realization that I can only handle one day at a time has made life bearable.  I treasure the time with my kids and husband.

Supermoon!

Captive birthday.

Quarantine trims.

So, that's a bit where I am right now.  We've completed four weeks of strict quarantine.  For us, that looks like no driving anywhere.  One adult at a time is allowed out of the house, once a week from 7am-12pm, coinciding with your I.D. number.  Wherever you can walk to find food is the only option you have.  Although we haven't gotten any deliveries yet, we have teamed up with neighbors to get some random food products delivered to our neighborhood....still waiting for those to come through.  Thankfully, we have small local shops that are open daily where we can get eggs and milk.  These are strange days.

Health!!

Dying eggs.

Obligatory homemade mask picture.

Happy Quarantine Day!

It's a lovely day to be an introvert.  I'm sorry if being inside your house is driving you insane....or, your kids being inside your house is driving you insane.  Obviously, it's not all roses and sunshine in my house every moment, but I have to say I'm not sad about being encouraged to stay at home and away from people.  Between homeschooling and cooking and cleaning, I'd say we have more than enough to keep us busy and I get to see more of my kids and husband!! 

Every morning, the rooster across the street crows as the day begins- isn't that quaint??  Scotty and I are still getting up before the kids to drink coffee and read our Bibles.  The routine for the morning looks pretty much the same as when the kids were going to school, except no one has to rush off and we can just jump right into school work after breakfast.  I've got them going on a half hour work, 20 minute play cycle and that seems to keep them focused for short bursts and playing hard for short bursts through the morning.  I throw some chores and baking in there and before you know it, the morning is done!  Then we all have a rest after lunch and finishing up homework after that.  It doesn't happen every day, but we try to work in a family devo time when we read God's word together, pray and do some sort of related activity.  Then, out for a short walk with the dogs and then dinner!  The kids are mainly rotating between jumping on the trampoline, playing soccer in the house and scootering.  It's working out pretty well!  Of course, I might be back here in a few days pulling my hair out cause our quiet and isolated life style is driving me nuts. 

Overall, I'm grateful for many things these days.  One, our health.  There's nothing like a pandemic to remind you what a gift strength and health are.  I'm grateful that we are in a position to be able to stay at home and work from home.  Scotty plugs away at online classes- posting material and grading assignments so that the academic year can move forward.  I know that the reality of not being able to continue working in the same way could quickly become a serious crisis for many around us.  And, even though the uncertainty and sickness tempts me to fear and anxiety, I'm thankful for the opportunity to deepen my dependence on the Lord.  I've always thought of myself as a pretty laid-back person, but I also see the way I desperately cling to my security, my world being nicely laid out and planned and running mostly according to my schedule.  I like to think I have control over what's going on in my life.  Times like these make it abundantly clear that my ability to orchestrate my life is really just a mirage.  At any moment, something can change and I see myself in this mirror of adversity and the depth of my faith (or lack thereof) shines back at me.  So, I go through this painful and wonderful process of surprise and repentance and submission to the Father, who gives grace abundant and leads me along His paths of truth and hope, even when it's through the valley.  I think the crisis we endured in November last year has better equipped me to handle this one.  Ultimately, the root of my own challenges grows out of the tough question, Do I believe that to live is Christ and to die is gain?

What are you doing in these unique days and what is God teaching you?

Oh, this again?

Our team from First Presbyterian Church, Crossville, TN.

On Sunday we wrapped up a week of having a fantastic team from our church in Crossville, TN here.  They spear-headed our Spiritual Emphasis Week at Highlands, sharing the word and lots of love with K4-12th grade.  We hosted our pastor and 2 of his teenage kids for the week and loved having them see what life looks like here for us.  They not only spent time at school, but each night had the chance to have dinner at a teacher's house and met our beloved church family as well.  Wouldn't you know it that before they even finished out the week at school, Coronavirus made its unwelcome arrival in Bolivia and the country immediately shut-down in order to prevent the spread.  So, without the chance to say good-bye to the kids, we were all informed that school would be immediately canceled until the end of March, per the president's instructions.  What to do??

Well, we rode the cable cars and tourist shopped till we dropped and ate delicious food and climbed a mountain and played games and ate some more.  It was so fun to see our Natty hanging out with the 4 teens in the group, being encouraged by the example of faith that brought each of them over the equator to serve.  Pastor Andy was on the schedule to preach Sunday and word came on Friday that they were cancelling the church service.  We planned on recording it Saturday to put on Facebook on Sunday, but then they changed their minds and decided to open the church doors on Sunday for the few who lived nearby and wanted to come.  Much commentary has been made about not participating in the usual cheek kiss as a greeting and I can't tell you how funny it feels to walk into a room of Bolivians and not great each one with a kiss on the cheek.  Standing at a distance and waving is a cold form of greeting that I have really gotten unaccustomed to.

Sunday evening I began printing off the homework and lessons for the kids that had been sent through our online classroom.  I pulled out the folders I had bought back in November when the country was in political turmoil and it wasn't safe to be in school.  This process felt all too familiar- online classroom, staying at home, stocking up on food and toilet paper (which, thankfully, has not become an issue here in La Paz like it apparently has in the U.S.).  The situation is different, but it honestly has brought up some of the same anxious thoughts and feelings.  Pastor Andy brought such a beautiful and comforting reminder Sunday morning of the expansiveness of God's grace and love for us.  His reminder of God's sometimes surprising faithfulness in light of our sinfulness was truly encouraging and just what I needed to focus my heart and mind.

So, we'll stay in our homes as much as possible like the majority of the world right now and see what God has in store.

Happy Thanksgiving

SIM team, plus us, the wanna-bes.

We celebrated Thanksgiving today.  Yes, Thanksgiving in February.  You see, we had this plan in place to have a Thanksgiving dinner with our old SIM team and then political crisis happened and we all fled the country.  We actually ran into all our team members at the airport as we shot off in different directions that November day, so it felt kinda special, but with an eerie fear surrounding it all and breath held until those planes left the ground.

So, now that we're all back, we decided it was time to give thanks!  Let me just say how incredibly grateful I am for this team.  One special family was missing tonight because they are on home assignment and one family has come in since we transferred missions, but they have also become dear friends.  Getting together with families who have a history in Bolivia and with us is nothing to sneeze at.  Many of these people have walked with us through miscarriage, through loss, through burn-out, through adoption, through house-building and all the challenges of living overseas in a different culture.  They have prayed with us, cried with us, laughed (a lot!) with us and given us wise and loving advice along the way.  There will always be a very treasured place in my heart for this community of people who are still here, faithfully living out the call God has put on each of their families.

We gathered together after church this morning and so began a time of beauty and richness with people who know us well.  The kids immediately went off to play, the young ones who are no longer kids but not quite adults (my eldest was a part of this group today!) sat down to play a rousing game of cards.  The adults got busy in the kitchen and busy running their mouths.  We ate delicious food and then we gathered to worship.  We read verses about the Lord fighting our battles, about being still while He does the work, about being our fortress and no enemy prevailing against us.  Each of us had a new and more concrete way of interpreting and appreciating these verses.  We sang worship in between Scripture and we shared testimonies of God's faithfulness during the turmoil in November.  All of us had stories of fearful escape- times when we weren't sure how the Lord would get us to the airport safely and all we could do was plead.  Some made it only minutes before transportation shut down.  Some made it walking with kids through violent mobs and praying.  We made it while riding nervously in a taxi in the wee hours of the morning, through stragglers armed with metal rods and whips, while praying.  Others were escorted by angels.  All of us felt unsafe in our homes but more connected to our neighbors.  Each of us saw the desperation of nonbelievers and their heart-felt cry that the Lord would reach out and rescue...despite not really knowing Him.  And each one of us felt the pride of a nation both on its knees and out in the streets to seek justice and democracy for the good of the next generation, and the present.  God spoke to every heart in a unique way during that time.  Despite the moments of terror, we all knew God was present and we've seen the way only He can bring beauty from ashes and redemption from deep sin. 

Kid's table.

After sharing, it was game time!  Man, woman and child participated in a loud and fast game of Bunko (renamed "Waliki", which means "good" in Aymara).  Then, we all ran out into the rain and drove off in our separate directions with full tummies and full hearts. 

Love your neighbor 101.

"Mr. Scotty is such a nice guy", she says while we watch our kids jump on the trampoline.  "I bet he doesn't even yell at you and hit you!" 

Me: "Uh, no, he sure doesn't."

Her, looking incredulous: "Never??"

Me: "Well, no, never.  Since we're Christians, we take seriously what the Bible says about loving one another, even when we're frustrated with each other."

She smiles and repeats that she thinks Scotty is just the best.  I agree and hope I might have other opportunities to share more with this neighbor of ours.  Earlier that day, I had taken the kids out for a walk- one last chance to hang out before school started up again.  I was feeling particularly convicted recently about how little we knew some of our neighbors, especially the ones that have lived on this street as long as we have.  I was also feeling troubled about the lack of progress Jubilee was making in picking up Spanish.  So, I began to pray about both of those things. 

As we arrived back to the house after our walk, a somewhat mangled looking rooster was prancing around in the road.  Our neighbor across the street, with whom we've had casual conversation over the years, was standing by her door watching him.  I asked what happened to him and she explained that he likes to fight and I wondered what sort of animal was able to pluck out his neck hair in that way.  She asked about our dogs and when her 7 year old daughter came out, I invited them both to come inside to see our 8, month-old puppies.  They agreed and the next thing I knew, our kids were playing like old friends and I was having the longest conversation I've had yet with this friendly neighbor.  After 20 minutes or so, she remembered that she needed to keep an eye on the chicken, so she told me just to send her daughter back over when we were ready.  In another hour or so, both our 7 year-olds had become besties.  If only adult relationships were so easy!

BFFs

After we said "good-bye", Jubilee begged for Stephanie to come back the next day or spend the night or have breakfast with us.  "I love her!" she gushed about her new friend. 

So, it seems that the Lord was pleased to answer my prayers, both for Jubi's Spanish (Stephanie does not speak English) and for better interactions with our neighbors!  Now, the real trick is to maintain contact with this mom, despite our vast differences.  To love her for who she is and engage with where she is in life.  Instead of seeing her as a project, to learn to really care for her.

Evacuation thoughts: Remembering

It is so nice to be home.  I love our house; I love our town; I love the habits and patterns we have here (I loooove routine).  But, it's been interesting how being in this place again has brought up memories from the chaos we left behind mid-November.

When we were out walking as a family a few days ago, Moses saw a group of people coming toward us down the road and said, "Oh, no!  What if they are Evo supporters?!"  (As a side note, we are working with our kids to recognize that we are all broken and in need of grace, no matter what political party we might support.  Prejudice is definitely something we'd like to steer clear of). Then, he came running in from the backyard yesterday and said, "Mommy- there are people up on the lookout!  I think they are spying on us!"  That idea came, unfortunately, from his older sister.  And now, as we catch up with friends and neighbors, the majority of the conversations turn quickly to politics.  How awful it was in November, but how they are all hearing it's going to happen again.  The news is highlighting the ex-president's political party's news that they will begin protesting again on January 22 because that's when they believe the interim president should leave, even though new elections won't take place until May 3rd.

Smoke billows a couple blocks from our house where a mob of people burned tires and public property in protest of Evo's resignation. (Nov. 11)

So, all these things create in my heart and my gut a little knot.  It's one I try not to let grow and I fight to keep my thoughts captive to the Truth that I know, that will never change even if my world falls apart.  Although I didn't handle the last crisis very well, I feel more prepared.  Quicker to get nervous? Yes.  But, I'm hoping that we won't be caught by surprise this time. 

One thing that was of constant encouragement during the hard days was the way the church responded.  And by church, I mean the true believers of all denominations in Bolivia.  I saw and participated in more prayer, both in private and on the street, than I have in a long time.  The peaceful protests that occurred before the president resigned sometimes started with prayer and worship as they formed their blockades.  Pictures of police and military on their knees floated all over the Bolivian internet (I know it's the same internet)- men being challenged to call on the only One would could rescue the country from the situation it was in.  The Bible was returned to the presidential palace with a commitment to make decisions based on its wisdom.  There is a general openness to the hope of Christ than we have experienced here before.  As much as I hate to admit it, cause I really, really don't want to go through what we went through again, the Lord mysteriously works in a special way when people become desperate.  I know He did in my heart and I bank on Him doing it again.

Evacuation thoughts: Part one.

Killing time in the Orlando airport on our journey home.

We returned home to La Paz in the wee hours of the morning today.  For those who only follow us from afar, we evacuated our beloved home on Nov. 14th after almost 3 weeks of mostly peaceful protests and a handful of days of intensely scary counter reactions after the president, Evo Morales, resigned.  More on that later.

After leaving Orlando yesterday, as we approached our first lay-over in Lima, Peru, I started to feel that familiar anxiety crawling into my heart and threatening to settle there.  Am I really ready to go back?  The time that we were away was restful and good and so many gifts from our kind Father were given in that time.  But, when we left in the dark hours of the morning, neighborhoods and stores were barricaded, angry people were acting out without restraint on the streets and general chaos reigning. Those memories have a way of resurfacing.  So, as I sat in the quiet dark of the plane, I prayed that the Lord would remind me of how He had protected us last time.  How He had given us a place to retreat to.  How I had survived, by His grace, harder things before.

This time, as we drove through El Alto after leaving the airport, there were no mobs of people, no barbed wire and burning tires.  The twinkling night lights in the bowl of La Paz beckoned us back.  The worn, simple brick buildings looked like familiar and comforting landscape.  The same signs and billboards, the bumpy streets, the tight curves, the highly perched buildings all felt like coming home.  It felt right and good to be in this place that has held our lives and our hearts for so many years.  We haven't been released from our ministry here and the Lord has woven our stories into those of our community in a profound way that can't be untangled and forgotten because of a period of turmoil that sent us running.

So, today we see our house with eyes of gratitude again.  This home the Lord has generously given us to raise our family in and to welcome in the broken souls (like us!). I still have much to process, and will probably do some of that here.  I wasn't sure how I would feel when I returned and I'm not sure how I'll handle life if things become tumultuous again, as they very well could.  But for now, I'm resting in God's sustaining grace.

Day 30: It happened.

I woke up early this morning and decided to spend a few minutes in prayer before I grabbed my phone and scanned the headlines- something that has consumed a lot more of my hours each day than I'd like to admit.  It felt good to focus my heart on what is true before I was confronted with other peoples' perceptions of reality.  Then, I read the news.  Oh, it was heavy.  The last few days have brought more violence and nerve-wracking possibilities than I was ready for.  Before I even went downstairs to get a cup of coffee (you should never read the news before coffee), my heart was heavy and fearful.  I mentioned that to Scotty and he felt the same way.  I contacted several people I trust to ask for prayer and Scotty and I also prayed before heading off to church.  These days, I am appreciating the local body in new ways as we can band together in uncertain times and remind each other when troubles come of Who is in charge and Who has all the power and dominion.  The mood was so somber when we walked in.  There was palpable tension in the air.  We spent time in prayer, time worshiping and a message reminding us who we are as God's children.  It was refreshing and soul-reviving. 

After church we had some teachers over for lunch.  The kids loved having guests and it was nice to unplug from the news for a bit.  After they left, we saw on the news that our president was about to resign.  What??!!  This was pleasantly unexpected.  Sure enough, 10 minutes later, he and his vice president were on the air announcing both of their resignations.  Oh, the rejoicing!!  The country flooded the streets with celebration- flags, horns, dancing, chanting!  It was beautiful.  It was what I was hoping for on my Day 30 post!

But, it didn't last long.  Texts and news posts dropped immediately warning everyone that until the resignation is accepted by certain leaders in the government, it's not a sure thing.  Now, there are riots and looting happening in certain parts of the city as government supporters react to the news.  Emotions are running high. 

We pray and we ask for God's mercy and we choose to leave ourselves in His hands.  What else can we do?

Day 29: Division and Unity.

It's hard to put into words the things I'm seeing and hearing around me.  On one hand, the violence in all 9 departments (states) of Bolivia is increasing.  There are more clashes between pro-government groups and all the others who are asking for the president's resignation.  A lot of those riots are filled with the passionate, idealistic, brave youth of this nation.  One of those, a 20-year old man, lost his life in Cochabamba yesterday.  The other side probably has some people who are fighting for what they believe is right, but there are also many who are being paid by the government to show up and be aggressive.  What started as the majority of the country unifying to protest a fraudulent election and the desire to see democracy reign, has now been turned into a class war by a president who has convinced his supporters it's because of racist motives that there is opposition and push back.  What Evo Morales was able to accomplish in giving voice and rights to the indigenous people has now been flipped on its head.  Now, anyone who is not on Morales' side is claimed to be a racist and hater of the "real" Bolivian people.  It's heart-breaking to see, but it's nothing new to this country and maybe has been just under the surface for a long time, waiting to boil over with the right provocation.

On the other hand, I see the church uniting.  The more the country is breaking apart, the more I see the church clinging to each other and to our Almighty God, who alone can repair the damage done.  I joined a small group of men and women from all backgrounds and social classes last night at the local market to pray and worship God.  What an incredible picture of the way we become one in Christ, brothers and sisters in one family.  The barriers are torn down in our own hearts when we finally have eyes to see the heart of God and the compassion He has on a hurt and broken nation.  All over the country, the church is rising up to join the spiritual battle that is raging and we know that there is no help or hope outside of God's hand moving in this time.  So, we fervently pray for that.  For justice; for no more lives to be lost; for reconciliation; for peace.  Maybe my Day 30 entry will be the one where we can proclaim the victory!

Day 28: Pot-banging and more.

I'm 2 days away from completing my 30 day challenge of blogging!  Too bad it took more than twice as long as it was supposed to...

What does it look like for Bolivia to be in a time of turmoil?  Well, there are many answers to that question, but I'm going to stick with what I've seen so the answer will be more personal.  A few snippets of my life in the midst of protests:

- No school.  Although my kids have had a few days of school, since the elections, there's been more school cancelled than not.  This means groups of people have blockaded the streets that will get you much of anywhere and so we stay home.  Some days are great and the kids are happy and playing legos and being the best of friends.  Some days we are all suffering from cabin fever and stepping on each others' toes and grousing a lot.  So. Much. Tension.  The last couple days they've had school, only about 5-6 of their classmates show up cause parents are too worried about what they might come across on the way to or from school.

Besties! (Sometimes)

- Pot banging at 9:30pm.  This, apparently, is a south American way of peacefully protesting.  At 9:30 every night, those who are against the current government take out metal pots and bang them with metal spoons.  The first couple of nights this was supposed to happen, it was all quiet where we live.  There's quite a mixture of those who are for and against in our neighborhood and I think those who wanted to bang pots maybe hadn't gotten the nerve up yet.  However, I went outside armed with my largest pot and waited.  It was pretty disappointing.  I hear it every night now, but the excitement for me has worn off and I stay inside.

- Odd traffic patterns.  One day I really needed to get down to a fruit and veggie market and I heard things were pretty chill.  After picking up Moses from school, we drove down into the main part of La Paz that is closest to us (we live in a suburb of La Paz) and made it almost to the market before noticing the intersection was blocked.  I hopped onto a side road and followed the other cars who were driving against traffic to try to get where they were going.  After buying some stuff, we came out onto another road where a march was just starting.  I quickly dodged the crowd by driving through a gas station and got my car out onto the street right in front of the first marchers.  Then, I drove home watching cars carefully driving down the wrong side of a major street, crossing the wrong way on one-way roads and heading down ramps that you are only supposed to go up.  It was a bit chaotic, but thankfully, there were few people on the road and everyone was aware that all normal traffic patterns were to be thrown out the window when blockades are in effect.

- Social media saturation.  I'm a part of more WhatsApp (messaging) groups than I'd care to admit.  Most of them are through the church and the school and are the main ways information is passed.  During a time like this, those groups are absolutely saturated with comments, opinions, announcements, etc...  Because we don't have cable or TV antenna, the main source of our news is either on Facebook or the Bolivian newspapers online.  Facebook is exploding with posts, reposts, videos, memes, political satire, arguments, frustrations, etc...  My mind swirls as we try to make sense of it all.

- Protests.  We've been to a couple blockades and marches.  We've specifically chosen ones we knew would be peaceful because we were taking the kids along.  It is pretty amazing how easily you can be swept up in the flag waving, jumping and shouting and the pride one feels in fighting for what is right, even knowing that the result of all of this will never affect me in the same way it would affect a Bolivian national.  Although I mourn for what Bolivia is passing through right now, I believe it will be an incredibly important part of their history and so I'm grateful to be here to be a part of it.

- Sad stories.  My hair stylist told me about how sick her mom has been lately.  She found her passed out on her bed one day, barely breathing and explained how she had a doctor friend who lived nearby whom she thought could help.  He sadly explained that because of the protests, the clinic where he worked hadn't gotten its normal shipment of oxygen and they would have to try to find somewhere else to go.  With the doctor driving and the sick mom and daughter in the back, they had to cross at least 6 blockades where each time they had to beg to get through so they could get the woman to a hospital.  She made it, but barely.  I'm sure she's not the only one with a story like this.

So, that's life right now.  Thankfully, despite the rumors, we have water and we have food.  Where we live we are pretty removed from the most heated of the protests.  The kids are calm and have not felt any danger.  We have prayed more together as a family and collectively as a church than in a long time.  The church in Bolivia has crossed normal barriers to unite in a cry to almighty God who alone can work wonders in this situation.  There is prayer and worship in the streets.  He is definitely at work in all of this, in many more ways than we can see or imagine.

Day 27: Protests.

I received a whatsapp message notifying me of a blockade in our neighborhood at the main roundabout.  I gathered the troops in my house, fed them, and moved them out the door.  Democracy is a cause we can get behind and we wanted to show our support.  Although we don't have the privilege of voting for president, the actions of the current government will affect our lives here and we know this is a turning point in Bolivia's history.  So we started to walk to where blockades take place but noticed a few blocks away that the streets were completely open.  I felt incredibly disappointed in my neighbors and wondered where everyone was.  We met up with a neighborhood friend and spent an hour or so at the park talking while our daughters rode their bikes and then she got a text: We're at the roundabout down the hill.  Yes, finally!  Here is the blockade I was hoping for.  We stowed the bikes and hiked down the main road, walking past disgruntled drivers sitting idly in their trucks, not able to continue down this one road that leads up to where we live and down into the city.  It's really the only road snaking up the side of the mountain and the blockade was keeping traffic on both sides from progressing.

There was a crowd with flags and banners and ropes tied across the street.  We joined the small throng and were happy to greet various people we've met in the neighborhood over the years, families who are part of our school and people who attend our church.  The kids sat on the ground and gratefully accepted soda and chips and sandwiches that were passed around with a good will by those who were participating in the strike.

Natty and Jubi stood up to join in singing the national anthem, scream-singing with the rest at the part of the song that swears, "We will die before we live as slaves again!" Bolivia certainly knows what oppression is and they are not ready to sit down and fall victim to it again.  It was a beautiful thing to be a part of.  Although we will never know what it's really like for this to be our reality because of our privilege of being able to up and leave if things get too bad, we were thankful to be accepted into the mix, showing our support for this country that we love and for these people that we know God has good things for.  We are praying for this good, knowing that God's good can sometimes look different than what we hope or expect, but knowing that He will always be faithful.

Day 26: What happens next??

At lunch today Moses prays:

"Dear God, Thank you for this day.  Thank you for our family.  Thank you for our food.  Please don't let Evo cheat.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

So, we got the message last night that there'd be no school today.  Natty and I went out as early as we could to do my weekly market shopping where I buy our week's worth of fruits and veggies.  I had heard that a march was going to be coming our way and wanted to get out and back before the only road up to our house was full of marchers.  The women selling produce were surprised to see Natty out of school- there's not much that would cause Bolivian public schools to suspend classes, except a strike by the teachers.  But at Highlands, we are pretty careful if it looks like things are heating up, especially because there are a fair number of students who live around the areas of town where strikes and riots often happen.  The kids had already gone to bed when we found out there was no school, so they were ecstatic to have another "strike day".  Strike packets had been sent home so the kids would be able to continue a bit of what they are currently learning at school. While the sun is shining in a perfect blue sky, we are hunched over our screens reading the constant WhatsApp messages exploding our phones and keeping an eye on the local newspaper online for anything new.

After lunch, I noticed a news article that explained the OAS (Organization of American States), who began working with Bolivia to try to resolve the discrepancies in the voting process, officially declared that the best next step would be to enforce a run-off.  Have you heard of the OAS?  Me neither.  Wiki tells me that they were founded in 1948 for the purpose of strengthening democracy, working for peace, defending human rights, fostering free trade, fighting the drugs trade and promoting sustainable development.  So, we got a little piece of news in the right direction and now the question is, Will the president agree to the run-off?  We're pretty sure he won't.  So, we try to remember who has the ultimate power here and remind our kids, too.  We had a time of prayer together this morning as a family and want to maintain that attitude of absolute faith in the One who turns the hearts of kings and men.

P.S.  Here is a more complete article of what is currently happening.

Day 25: Political Unrest.

4 months after I arrived to Bolivia as a naive 23 year old, my boss called our apartment one day and said, "Have a backpack packed, you might need to get on a plane today if things get ugly."  It was October of 2003 and once again, the nation was heating up politically.  The current president was receiving enormous pressure to resign and if he didn't do it on his own, the opposition was going to force him out.  And that's just what happened.  There's obviously a lot more to the story than that, but all I knew was that it was adventure time!  Food for the Hungry, the NGO I worked for, decided we would be safer in Lima, Peru than in Bolivia.  So, off we went to Lima where we had an all-expenses paid vacation!  After a few months living on the outskirts of the relatively small town of Cochabamba in one of the poorest countries in South America, I was ready to get some Starbucks.  Lima did not disappoint when it came to first world attractions and food- I think I gained about 10 pounds in those couple of weeks we were hanging out there.  I got to see the Nazca lines and visit an oasis in the desert and do lots of shopping.  And I had a vague sense that back where my job was, tanks were rolling down the streets and riots were happening and there wasn't enough food.  The reality of that would not hit home until many years later when I spoke with Bolivia friends firsthand who were directly impacted by that tumultuous time.

So on Sunday, Bolivia held presidential elections.  Evo Morales has already rewritten parts of the constitution and given himself an extra term in office (among other things), even when the nation voted against it.  I won't pretend to understand all the finer points because I am woefully uninformed, but I do know that there has been very obvious fraudulent activity regarding the election a couple days ago.  At first count, Evo and his most serious opponent were close enough in the polls to warrant a run-off in December.  Yesterday, it was declared that Evo's lead was large enough to cause him to win the election outright.  Because of much evidence to the contrary and a lot of unexplained discrepancies that would give him that advantage, the country is once again in an uproar.  This time, I am following it all a lot more closely.  I sat in bed last night and watched live feeds on Facebook from leaders around the country calling for honesty and democracy and the run-off to take place as it should.  As often happens when things heat up enough, lines at the gas stations get longer and folks hit the markets to stock up on food.  They know what could possibly happen and how to prepare.  I'm asking myself for the first time- should I be doing this, too?  I've always felt far enough outside the issues affecting the country that it hasn't felt like it applies to me directly.  I'm definitely making a trip to the grocery and the gas station today.  Stay tuned and please pray.  Democracy and the future of this country is as stake if this government continues in power. 

Day 24: Happy birthday, Zion!

Nine years ago today, our second child was born into the world- 10 weeks early.  I'll paste the first blog I wrote after Zion was born below and remember what it was like in that joyful, but mostly uncertain time:

It's hard to believe I'm back home while my baby is 30 minutes away, fighting to remain stable. My favorite part of the day at the clinic was when I could shuffle or be wheeled down to the elevator and ride a floor up into the neonatal nursery to see my son. I enjoyed the beeps of his monitors, assured that as long as I heard the rhythmic beeping, my son was still breathing. I liked to hear his doctor tell me that he was stable. I didn't like to hear him tell me (as he did several times) that he caused him suffering last night or made him age 10 years (when his lung collapsed). But I loved to wash my hands, warm them up under his heater and grab a tiny arm or leg and start talking to him. He's mostly sedated at this point and has a couple tubes coming out of his mouth and had one coming out of each side keeping air moving past his lungs. They usually have his eyes covered with some type of bandage and keep little cotton puffs on his feet to keep them warm. But, he's still adorable and one morning I was able to see his whole face uncovered and noticed immediately how much he looks like his daddy. I would talk to him about Natalie and the kitties and what we would do when he comes home. I would tell him to get strong fast and not to forget that when Mommy and Daddy aren't around, God is right there with him. I read him one of my new favorite Psalms (105) and sang "Jesus Loves Me" to him ("Little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong). I tried not to cry a lot. Today he seemed more responsive to our touch and voice, jerking his little arms or legs a bit when we would caress him. As much as I did not care for the clinic I was in, I would have happily stayed in his nursery room until he was ready to come out. We were distracted as we drove home today, so I didn't have much time to think about the fact that we were leaving our baby behind, but as soon as I got in the door and looked around, home just didn't feel right without Zion in it. I didn't know where to start. Since I was on bed rest for 9 days, and then recovering from a C-section for another 3, a shower sounded nice, but I couldn't manage to bring myself to do anything for a while but sit on the couch and stare into space. How could something so familiar and normal suddenly feel so out of whack? My thoughts keep drifting back to my little guy- his chest being forced up and down by a ventilator, his cute little perfect toes, his adorable nose being stretched a bit to one side from the tubes, his somewhat transparent skin. The last couple of weeks have definitely taught me how to pray and how to recollect my thoughts to the truths of who the Lord is when they start to wander to those dark places. Not one day has gone by where I haven't felt God's presence, even in the midst of despair, sadness, fear and pain. I know we have a long road ahead and even now I have a hard time trusting that our baby will be OK. I've read the Bible too much and known too many amazing Christian people who have gone through tragedy to believe that God's perfect plan is always the one we would choose for it to be. But, I continue to trust that He will sustain us, our son, our faith and prove Himself good. His promises are the only firm and unchanging things in my life.

Day 23: The one with the middle schoolers and power tools.

Watch your fingers, girls!

So, Scotty is both the middle school Bible and science teacher at Highlands.  He didn't study to teach science, but has an inquisitive mind and an appreciation for helping kids understand the world from a Biblical perspective while enjoying how the subject lends itself to more creative teaching techniques.  One such teaching opportunity came today.  I rolled in to pick up the girls after school and saw that a bunch of middle school students were scurrying around the back patio area like little mice with black and neon green gloves on.  I knew this had to be the work of Scotty Miser.  Highlands was at one time a brick factory and this particular part of the school is still a wonderland of bricks, random brush piles, cement stairs and platforms.  In other words, the place where every 6th grader wishes they could be during school hours.  Some kids were picking up branches, others were picking up garbage and then a lucky few were using a power circular saw.  Now, for those of you who have middle school kids, have had middle school kids, have ever been in the presence of middle school kids or were ever a middle school kid, you might cringe, cover your eyes and shake your head when I put the words "6th grader" and "saw" in the same sentence.  However, rest assured that Scotty has given comprehensive instruction on power saw safety and is standing by every moment of its operation.  But, as a mom, I think there's a mental reflex that happens when you see tweens handling power tools.  I asked one boy what he was doing and he happily answered, "We're cutting fire wood for the hike!"  Then I realized that all those other kids working together in groups were also inventing new and fun ways of creating fire wood.  Scotty calls this "Creation Care Wednesday" and it is such a fun way to teach the kids how to recycle, take care of the earth (sometimes they collect garbage around the school grounds) and generally value this incredible resource of Earth that the Lord has given us.

Another thing I think is so fantastic about working at Highlands are things like the hike that the one boy mentioned.  In a couple weeks, every willing 6th-8th grader will head out into the mountains with my husband and a couple other teachers.  A few years ago, they discovered a hikable trail behind a nearby mountain where they can drive, drop off the troops and then pick them up a town or two over.  The spend the night in the wild outdoors and for the vast majority of the these kids, it'll be the first time they've ever hiked, slept in a tent or spent so much uninterrupted time out of doors.  The struggle is real, but it has become one of the things most elementary students look forward to as they think about becoming middle schoolers (cause, let's face it, middle school can be rough) and I know Scotty loves the opportunity to connect with the kids outside of the classroom in a more relaxed and enjoyable way.  This will also prepare them for the 2 Incan trail hikes they'll have the opportunity of doing when they reach high school.

How fun is our school?!

Day 22: Moses.

He's into ALL the superheroes these days.

Moses turned 5 last week.  With him, there have been days and weeks that felt like an eternity and yet it's hard to believe he's such a big boy already.  There have been so many challenging phases in his development, as there are with all children, but some of those phases have brought me to the point of utter exhaustion and despair.  However, as usual when we look back, we can see the way God has done a redeeming work in us and in our situations.  I just want to take a moment to process through some of these glorious things the Lord has done in my son's life, to celebrate him and to remind myself:

Moses can now sleep through the night in his own bed!!  I had seriously given up on this ever happening and wasn't even trying to work towards it.  For the last 4 years, he's started the night in his bed and either been brought to ours our come on his own at some point in the night.  Not anymore- hallelujah!!

Moses is attending school from 8:30-12:30 every day and (mostly) loving it!  The teacher says he is helpful and independent and plays with everyone.  We have definitely seen his fear ramp up in the last few weeks because of the transition, but he goes every day with his sisters into the campus, says good-bye and usually has a smile on his face.  This is a big deal, especially because it's still a challenge a lot of times to leave him at home with someone other than us.

He can empathize.  This might not sound like a huge deal, but it is.  Sometimes kids who have a trauma history don't quite make the connection between their behavior and the affect it can have on others.  I mean, even non-traumatized kids (and adults) can struggle with this!  So, when he sees one of his sisters hurting and he looks at her with concern on his face and gives her a hug- it gladdens my heart.

He can make good choices!  I've mentioned self-regulation on the blog before: the idea that we have certain skills that are naturally developed to help us control our emotions, behaviors and thoughts.  Again, this is an area all children have to mature in, but it is an especially difficult one to master when there is a trauma history. (Trauma history is about 100 blogs in and of itself and one that I'm still learning about.  There is so much brain science to come out in the last 10 years to help us understand what is happening neurologically in our children and if you're interested, I could try to summarize some of those ideas in another blog) Moses has learned how to delay gratification, accept when I have to say "no" to something he really wants, compromise so that we can both be happy and communicate with his sisters when they are doing something that bothers him.  Wow!!

Apart from developmental advances, we love what a funny and smart boy he is.  He loves to tell jokes and make us laugh.  He gets so excited about things and his joy is contagious.  He still loves to sit and read although he'd rather play Avengers with you.  He loves talking to God and often tells me when he gets scared at night, he tells God jokes.  He's sensitive and sweet and often informs me that I'm a good mommy (except when I'm "mean", which is also somewhat often) and that's I'm pretty.  He looooves having people over and showing them his stuff.

So, these are some of the big things.  What an incredible journey it's been learning how to understand our child and find effective ways to nurture him and equip him with the tools he needs to succeed.  I am truly grateful.

Day 21: Ferry boats.

When you drive to Copacabana on Lake Titicaca, there is a point at the straights of Tiquina where you need to drive your car onto a ferry to shuttle across the water to the other side.  For many years, the government has wanted to build a bridge across because the distance really isn't very far and it would greatly improve the experience of the many tourists who travel there on a daily basis.  But, the community has strongly opposed the idea, as ferry boat operator is the main income of many families in that town.  These ferries are a sight to behold.  They look like they've been slapped together out of old boards that were found in a scrap heap and don't even have a solid bottom for the car to drive onto.  There are slats that run horizontally that hold a couple long planks that run vertically for the cars and buses to drive onto.  They usually squeeze on three cars or one bus and one car and every time you hold your breath as you watch this wonder occur.  How they don't sink is a mystery to me.  I had to drive up onto one of those things by myself one time and I might have aged a few years in the process.  Especially because when you reach the other side, you have to back off of those planks onto the other narrow, movable ones that connect your ferry with land. 

We love to get out of the car when we puttering across and get whipped in the face by the frigid wind.  At that point, I'm guessing we're at least 13,000 ft. above sea level, so it's always cold.  You can feed the ducks and sea gulls if you have some bread with you and take in the general splendor.  My favorite part is watching the man who operates the boat grab his bucket and start bailing out the water that he's taken on over the course of the day.  One has to question where that water is coming from and if at some moment the entry point of that water isn't going to burst open resulting in a very cold swim.

Why am I telling you all this about the ferries?  Well, some of you may be wondering after a few slightly despairing blogs I wrote how I am doing.  It's a cheesy analogy, but I feel sometimes like that ferry boat.  I'm in good working order, even though a few minor repairs have to be made along the way.  Sometimes I'm taking on water again, at risk of maybe starting to sink, but I pick up the bucket and start tossing the water and continue moving forward.  Mostly, by God's grace, His peace is once again reigning in my heart and mind and He leads me one foot at a time while we continue to walk by faith and not by sight.  We're still not sure where the boat is going, but we know we'll get there OK.

Day 20: Titicaca

Well, I've officially failed the 30 day writing challenge but I'm going to go ahead and attempt to finish out these last 10 days.  Starting with...

Our Family Trip to Copacabana!

We're going on a road trip!!

Can you tell I love family trips?  We feel strongly around here that getting outside of the every day routine and making fun memories as a family is super important- I mean, who doesn't?  So, using Moses' birthday as an excuse to get away, we took Friday off of school and hit the road.  One of the blessings that makes this possible is a beloved family that lives in our old apartment one street over who have a son Natty's age that we hire to come feed the cats and dogs.  I'm always thankful to have friends who live nearby!  So, here's a few special things we always look forward to when we do family vacay: the kids get to eat sugary cereal, bedtimes are more flexible, more treats, no agenda, souvenirs, movies, special places to stay.  For our family, getting away means relaxing and not pushing a lot of activity into our day.  It also means foods that Mommy and Daddy would normally not allow.  And, we always try to find somewhere cool to stay since we will be spending a fair amount of time in that place doing a lot of nothing in particular.  This time, Mommy totally scored with The Snail.  

This place was so whimsical inside with beautiful views of the stunning Lake Titicaca from the round windows.  There were plenty of beds and best of all, a yard with hammocks.  The hammocks would have been the highlight of the trip, but there were only two and the kids kept fighting over them.  They were still pretty great.

Another highlight: alpacas- the nice ones and the evil ones.  The nice ones lived next door and you could feed them puff cereal and dig your fingers into their thick fur.  

Nice alpaca.

The evil ones lived on our hotel grounds and tried to bite you every time you walked by.  And, they were usually not tied up and would often wander into our yard and look at us menacingly from outside our windows, daring us to come out.  We didn't like them and I had to slap one in the face one time, but they added some spice to the trip.

Bad alpaca wants to bite my face.

The last time we went to the lake, we camped in a tent on a random piece of land outside of the city that belonged to a man we met that day.  Moses was two.  There were no bathrooms.  There were hailstorms with loud thunder and lightening in the night.  You can imagine how relaxing that trip was.  This time, since the kids were bigger and we weren't challenging them just by lodging in nature, we decided to push them to hike the stations of the cross.  This hike is up a pretty steep hillside and is a place where some people go to seek the favor of God, Mary and the Pachamama all at once.  Therefore, there are vendors selling sacrifices and amulets and shamans waiting to perform whatever ritual you need.  

Candles lit on at the top.

The hike is strewn with garbage, an unfortunate pattern in a lot of natural wonders in Bolivia, and reeks of incense.  Although there was much grumbling and complaining at the beginning, I think the kids got into it on the way up.  By the time we got to the top, Jubilee and Natty were feeling a certain amount of the spiritual darkness and were ready to head back down.  Moses seemed content to have made it all the way to the top.  I prayed with the girls as we walked and reminded them that we carry the light with us and have nothing to fear from the darkness, also reminding them that this is the reality for a lot of people who live in the place they call home.

Not a bad view of Copacabana from the top of the hike.

Other high points from the trip worth mentioning: taking out a swan paddle boat (well, this was a Donald Duck boat to be specific) that caused one of my girls great trepidation and led us to turn back early;

Some of us enjoyed the paddle boat.

riding across the straights of Tiquina in the famous well patched and worn wooden ferries that don't look like they can hold us and that giant tour bus (but it did); 

We're riding the ferry and not sinking!

cats that lived on premises;

 a delightful, tiny sandwich shop run by a local Brit; 

Waiting for sandwiches.

family church time on a private rock beach outside of town.  

So peaceful!

It's back to normal today, but we are so thankful we had some time away to rest, reflect and enjoy each other!