Good-bye: It never gets easier.

One final walk with my walking buddy.

I had to say good-bye to a dear friend today.  She has been an almost daily part of my life these last 3 years and walked with me so faithfully through the darkest times I have experienced.  Words fail to describe the kind of friend she is, but the tears that have been flowing off and on for weeks and now almost constantly this afternoon show just how amazing she is. There is such a struggle on the mission field to not close your heart to people who you know will one day move on, and yet, this friend has shown me that it's worth every bit of the pain to love for a little while.  But it's so hard.  And I don't want to do it again.  And I don't want to watch my little girl say good-bye to the first real friend she's ever had.  And I can't imagine my life without her in it.  As the elders and their families gathered today to say farewell and to pray, our pastor shared how God has given him the comfort of knowing this separation is so small in comparison to eternity that we will share together around the throne.  Yes, thank you, Lord!  But, I still can't help feeling like it's friends like these that I need NOW when there is still pain and darkness and confusion to work through.  And also so much joy and faith and hope to share together!  Still, I am thankful.  For 3 years.  For amazing memories.  For the things I've learned from her.  For the hope of paths crossing again down the road.  For the peace that God gives beyond the sadness that He is good and He will bring more good for us both.

Concrete steps

We finally got around to signing up for our 3 week parenting class that is one of the prerequisites for adopting in Bolivia.  Other than getting all your paperwork legalized and a basic background check and house check, I don't think they require anything else of prospective parents.  Except, maybe, patience with the system.  It took us ages to get to the government office where we needed to pay our money and get our name on the list because of the mid-day traffic when people get off work for a several hour lunch break and all the kids are leaving school for the same reason.  When we entered the building we were ushered around to several offices, each person saying, "Oh, you need to go down the hall to such-and-such office" before we found someone who would sign us up.  The people working there were friendly, but the building was so old and creaky and a bit dingy and pretty typical for government office buildings here.  It made me think about our son and where he might be living and what kind of similar or worse conditions the first few months of his life will be like.  I've felt it before, but it was stronger yesterday- I feel like my son is out there in an unknown location with unknown people "caring" for him (and I pray they are caring so much more than can be standard in these orphanages) and I so desperately want to bring him home from all that.  It felt good to be taking one concrete step toward that goal and I'm hoping by the time we finish the classes, we'll also have our paperwork in order to turn in to the judge.  Then, we wait.  I have no idea how long it might take and I want to think it will be quick, but that doesn't seem to be the typical story with adoption.  We're ready for you, little one!

The gift of rest.

I don't even know where to begin sharing about my trip to Belize.  One, I am incredibly thankful that all my flights were on time and I didn't have trouble finding gates and such.  After travelling with Scotty for as long as I have, I kinda felt nervous about doing international travel on my own.  It's always fun for me to land in Miami and think, "I'm in the States!"  Everything is greener, more organized and bigger.  After walking around the airport for a bit, I even found Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts- my main goal for that leg of my trip.  Touching down in Belize was exciting, but the trip wasn't over yet.  After disembarking, I pushed through the wooden doors in the airport labeled "connecting flights" and met a wave of hot, humid air and a sea of bright, Caribbean colors welcoming me from the tourist shops all around.  I started regretting that I hadn't changed out of my jeans in Miami, but the AC in MIA had me shivering until I boarded the plane.  Before long, I was walking back out onto the tarmac with about 6 other people to jump on board Tropic Air's tiny plane that would fly me to the island where sweet times awaited me.  I kept my eyes closed and breathed deeply through my mouth and nose, expecting the tiny plane to bump and leap through the air, making me nauseous as other small planes have done in the past.  At one point, I was wondering if we had taken off yet, so I opened my eyes and found we were smoothly sailing over turquoise waters.  I watched as we flew over small, uninhabited islands and chuckled when on one side of the plane a small, grey cloud was dumping water on one land mass while on the other side, those islands were basking in cloudless skies.  15 mins later, we landed in San Pedro and my dear friend Ally met me with her joyful smile and a big hug.  The next few days were a blur of sun, warmth, humidity, wind, sailing, kayaking, snorkeling, swimming, meeting new friends, laughing, crying, talking, praying, and resting.  The YWAM base where Ally lives and works must be one of the most relaxing places on Earth (especially when you are there sans children and responsibilities).  It didn't take long for me to unwind and learn to enjoy being still again, reading, staring at the incredibly calm, green-blue waters and just being.  I needed to learn how to do that again and the Lord took that opportunity to speak to my heart and to reunite me with my dearest friend who brings life and joy wherever she is.  I skyped a few times with my family while I was away, but felt so confident in my capable husband, that I never felt distracted by concern for the girls.  What a precious gift to a mom of young kids- time away to be alone and with an encouraging friend on the beach.  For that week, I wanted to be no where else.

Trying to get a good pic with the wind whipping our hair...reminds me of the beauty of laughing with a good friend.