Mini-trauma

This one takes everything in stride.  Food?  Sure- why not?

So, I'm going through a mini-trial at the moment....so I must blog about it.  I have no idea, really, how many people read this blog and I might not publish every little thing like this that I go through if I knew who did read it- however, it is the best way to work through my feelings.  So, here we go.  Jubilee went in for her 6 month check-up on Monday.  She looks great, but she is underweight.  Like, off the charts.  I know the charts are not always perfectly accurate, but the fact that she has left her growth curve, somewhat significantly, is not a good sign.  Her pediatrician only recommended that I start her on solids, but didn't have any advice or words of wisdom apart from that.  I trust this woman, and like her personally, but medical friends from home have encouraged me to monitor things a bit more closely to make sure she does start gaining weight again.  This, of course, is not a huge deal, but anytime something is not right, it makes this mommy nervous.  So, I started cereal yesterday and she enjoyed it.  I spent a good part of yesterday afternoon praying for Jubilee and for my heart- that I would trust the Lord and how He works all of this out.  Today, before lunch, Jubilee almost completely refused to nurse.  She had some and then decided she was done.  Freak out time!  Then that all-to-familiar battle started of my body going rigid and my mind racing and crying out, "No!  You must eat!".  Then, the other, usually softer voice that speaks reason and peace reminding me that this is just one meal, it's not going to ruin her or our goals of weight gain.  But what if she keeps doing this??  What if I have to give up breastfeeding and go to formula!?!?- the irrational mommy-voice screams.  I do my best to calm down and try to "encourage" Jubilee to eat....about 10 more times. She finally gives me a good bite or two and I give up.  While this is going on, Natty is getting ornery and impatient because I haven't played with her all morning and I'm giving Jubilee way more attention than she wants me to.  However, she asks me to tell her the story about when we lost her favorite stuffed animal and God miraculously brought him to us.  A story of God's faithfulness.  Than, out of no where, she repeats what I told her yesterday about her pediatrician remembering her after over a year of not seeing her and asking if she had gotten over her constipation.  Natty struggled with this issue for over a year as a toddler and it was a super stressful time.  She's totally fine now.  A story of God's faithfulness.  The Lord wanted me to remember the things He has already brought us through, faithfully, and trust that He will do it again in this situation.  Even with those Holy Spirit reminders I fight against the need (why is it such a need?) to worry.  So, here I am.  Wanting to choose the right path- the one of peace and trust.  I feel more relaxed and calmer, but my heart is still a little tense.  I'm trusting that in another few blogs, I can testify to the good way that God has worked this one out and how my little one is packing on the pounds.  And if things don't work out so simply, I want to say as we have in much more serious situations, Blessed be the name of the Lord.