Ballet blues

Most of you are probably aware of some of your biggest faults as humans/mothers/wives, etc...  I have found since having a baby that I am not as flexible as I'd like to be when it comes to throwing my schedule off and throwing my day out of whack.  I'm pretty sure I mentioned in my last blog how much I like control...or at least, predictability.  That sounds nicer, right?  Anyway- we decided to do a little test run of a ballet class for Natty today.  I was under the impression when the secretary asked us to come in today for the teacher to look at Natty's form and flexibility (really?  for tiny kids?) that it was going to be a quick thing.  We had set up an Olympics date at a friend's house since we haven't seen any of the games yet for shortly after this check.  Well, she actually wanted Natty to participate in the full, one-hour class.  Now, this wouldn't be such a big deal normally, but having a baby that eats/sleeps in this time frame shakes things up a bit.  And, I felt a little uncomfortable with the way that the secretary at the ballet school threw some ballet slippers at us, told me I couldn't go in the class room (this is very scary for a 3 year old to do for the first time) and shoved Natty in to a big group of Spanish speaking girls in pink tutus without even introducing her or the teacher or anything.  She just had to jump in and try to make heads or tails of what was going on.  I have to hand it to her- she did amazing.  I ran upstairs to watch from this tiny room packed with Mommies who already had the good seats (all 3 of them), trying to crane my neck to see my little gringuita attempting to understand what was going on and how to coordinate her body in ways that she's never been asked to before.  There was nothing to introduce her to the art of ballet or dance or how to hold her body or anything.  Just try to keep up!  Maybe I'm asking for too much, but it all seemed to happen so fast.  I couldn't hear what was going on, but there were a dozen times when the teacher had to come over and position Natty because she wasn't catching what she was supposed to be doing.  Or, she would blankly look at the other girls who were trying to explain things to her.  She just doesn't understand Spanish anymore.  Then, Scotty showed up with Jubilee to watch and we took turns holding her while the other watched Natty.  The other thing that was causing me minor (ok, major) stress was the young mommy who was there with her 2 year old daughter.  They, of course, thought Jubilee was adorable and the mommy kept telling the little girl to grab her hands.  Does anybody think about how much babies put their hands into their mouths and how many illnesses are going around right now?  Seriously- everyone goes for the hands and the face.  And, there's no asking- there's just grabbing.  J did great until about the time the class was ending.  She had missed her nap and it was past her normal snacking hour and we ran into some friends and Natty had to take a flexibility test where her legs were pushed open wider than they've gone before (isn't that bad for tendons?) and shoes her size were trying to be found and on and on and all I could think about was how much my baby needed to eat!  Even at the moment I knew I needed to relax and just let this one go today, but I couldn't do it!  Then, we got home later than normal after watching some Olympics and I scraped together something to eat and had to abandon the meal part-way through because Jubilee became quite tired since bedtime had already passed.  I felt exhausted after all that and I kept asking myself if I could have somehow avoided the stressed feelings or if that's just my personality.  Or is there some sin mixed up in there somewhere?  What is it that makes things like that so difficult for me?  Part of what brings on the stress is that when things get a little out of control, all my emotional energies are going into trying to deal with the crisis and there is nothing left for people.  If interacting with people outside my family are part of that crisis moment, I feel as though I am giving them the shaft which upsets my delicate introverted sensibilities and I feel bad about that for the rest of the night.  Oh, my...  Again, the blog is where a lot of processing happens, so forgive my rambles.

However, Natty sure did look cute in her borrowed bright green ballet slippers skipping around the floor with all the dark-haired girls.  She seemed to have fun, despite the language barrier, and she will hopefully continue if she can learn to communicate (a condition given to us by the school).  If she decides to give it up, we might just put her into pre-K a few days a week.  :)

Also, we got all the stuff turned in for Jubilee's visa and only had to pay 5 days of tardy fees!  Hooray for Scotty and all his hard work!