A new start.

Where do I even start?  My blog has grown dusty in the past few months and sometimes I wonder if it's even worth picking up again.  But, I'll give it go and see if I can keep it up.  Instead of trying to recap way too many things, I'll just start with today.

We returned from a 7 week trip to the U.S. early Saturday morning.  The 2 flights from Orlando were made longer by a wiggly little toddler who let the entire plane know when he was all-done sitting in my lap and being confined to a 2 foot square space.  Not. Fun.  Anyway, leaving is never easy.  We are blessed with families who let us explode all over their homes, sleep a little longer than normal while they play with the kids, cook us food, do our laundry, etc...  We enjoyed the freedom from some of our normal responsibilities and the luxury of clean tap water, clean neighborhood pools, clean streets, warm weather, beaches, free soda refills, free returns and blueberries.  Just to name a few.  So, coming back is a mixed bag.  We were anxious to get home to our new house, which we lived in for less than 2 months before going on vacation.  And, we were excited to see some of the new friends we had made at NICS training that we'd be working alongside of at Highlands.  We know what we leave behind and we know what we're walking into.  That can be good and hard on so many levels.  Natty kept saying, "I want to go, but I don't want to go.  I'm sad, but I'm excited."  I get you.  The first day home was a blur of shortness of breath, dogs barking, 9 (yes, 9) suitcases exploding everywhere, TIREDNESS from rolling in at 4am.  As much as I wanted to be back here, there were surprising memories that crept up from deep below that brought out some fear.  No sleep and the stress of not knowing if that would ever change.  Long work hours.  Constant frustration with the differences in culture that we would never change but continually experience.  Our last year was hard and the ease of a summer away only temporarily erased that.  I think now that most of our stuff is put away, there are some groceries in the fridge and we've had some good interactions with friends at school and church, those feelings aren't as intense.  But, I know that my security can't rest in any of those things- in my control over those things.  My resolve to thrive in the moment, whatever it is bringing me, has been made stronger by being forced to choose between living in bitterness or in faith in God's goodness and ability to sustain us.  Although I have to think this year will be less intense than last year, I just don't know.  What I do know is that God never changes and His promise to me is that all is for my good.  The challenge is when that good doesn't look like what I think is good.  I'm learning....slowly.

One thing that brought a smile to my face and reminded me of one of the reasons I love living here was the bank.  I won't go into detail about how frustrating that experience was, because I'm trying to work on my attitude a bit.  What was sweet was when a cholita came in and sat down in front of the girls.  She was dressed in traditional Bolivian gear with a big skirt and little round-toed slip-on shoes and 2 long, thick braids down her back.  She smiled at the girls and said they looked pretty, like little Barbies.  My motherly fears of my girls being compared to Barbie won't come in here.  Jubilee got up to hang out with me while I chased Moses around, trying to keep him from launching out into the parking lot looking for "duggas" (trucks), but I watched Natty from afar, chatting it up with this middle-aged, indigenous woman.  They were laughing, they were sharing information, they were communication beautifully.  Natty hadn't lost her Spanish and she looked so grown up to me, sitting alone, smiling at this older woman.  She shared everything they chit-chatted about with me and I marveled at her ability not only to interact with an adult, her ability to do that in Spanish, but the privilege of growing up getting to know another culture.  So sweet.