How is Moses?

Maybe some of you are wondering how our little man is doing.  The first year with him was such a blur of sleepless nights, I can't even remember if I updated much on how he was growing and changing.  Our trip back to the US this summer was a cause for a bit of apprehension, knowing that he doesn't always take kindly to large amounts of new people, new places, changes, stimulation, etc...  However, God obviously heard the prayers of many of you and answered them so kindly in helping Mo to transition well and even sleep better than he ever has in our hopping around from state to state during those 7 weeks!  We were so very grateful and hopeful that he had finally moved past some of his night challenges.  Well, although we are farther ahead of where we were this time last year, he has regressed a bit since returning.  We couldn't handle the idea of being back in that place where we trade off going into his room several times a night for 30-90 minutes at a time to calm him down, so we tried to bring him into our bed to see what happened.  He seemed to enjoy being with us and even though he tends to be very aware of us and to wake easily and not always settle quickly there, at least we can lie down while it's all happening.  Some nights, he disturbs our rest a little bit, but we all go back to sleep quickly.  Just as frequently or more, he wakes up for a 2 hour stint during which he talks and giggles and pretend eats things off our sheets and kicks us in the head, generally driving us insane.  I swear at that moment (every time) that we will commit ourselves to retraining him to sleep in his own bed.  But, the next night comes and I just can't bring myself to go through what I know that will take.  So, he does his first few hours of sleep in his own crib and then comes to us each night for the rest.  I love the idea that he might feel closer to us through this, even though I don't always love the reality of how it all plays out.  However, if adoption challenges have taught me anything, it's that the phases pass and change and complaining or playing the victim does nothing helpful whatsoever.  What's more, I know that God is challenging me to find contentment in Him alone and not hope in Moses becoming a perfect sleeper or anything else that isn't Christ.  So, that continues to be a challenge that I am willing to take on.

Otherwise, he has grown and matured so much!  He has lots of words, some of which only we know the meaning of.  He and Jubilee have become better friends and it's heart-warming to watch them play together and laugh.  He understands everything that I say and even when I explain to him every night how Mommy wants him to try to sleep in his bed the whole night, his little face is still with concentration and listening.  His answer to that is always, "Dada", which I take to mean that he'd rather sleep with his daddy.  He LOVES people and really enjoys the attention he gets from all the kids at school who ooh and ahh over him when I take him.  But, he will cling to me while appreciating their admiration.  His smile continues to light up the world and melt the coldest hearts.  He's obsessed with trucks, tractors, semis, cars and anything with wheels- which he has given the blanket term: Dugga.  I don't remember the girls being so fixated on one thing at his age, so it's interesting to me to see this classically boy interest coming out so strongly.  He still has pretty fierce melt-downs when things don't go his way, but probably not too much more than any other almost two-year old.  And, he has finally learned how to say "no", which comes out sounding more like, "nah".  I wish he used it that nonchalantly.  He loves to eat.  He always holds hands to pray and waits patiently, no matter how long we pray.  He can read books till the cows come home.  He has incredible fine-motor skills.  And nun-chuck skills. So, that's our Momo. He's the most handsome little man ever and so charming and we still marvel that he's ours.  Thankfully, we still haven't gotten any negative commentary from people around us, but have had our fair share of confused or interested looks as we walk by and surprise when we tell people he's our son.  I can handle that.

A new start.

Where do I even start?  My blog has grown dusty in the past few months and sometimes I wonder if it's even worth picking up again.  But, I'll give it go and see if I can keep it up.  Instead of trying to recap way too many things, I'll just start with today.

We returned from a 7 week trip to the U.S. early Saturday morning.  The 2 flights from Orlando were made longer by a wiggly little toddler who let the entire plane know when he was all-done sitting in my lap and being confined to a 2 foot square space.  Not. Fun.  Anyway, leaving is never easy.  We are blessed with families who let us explode all over their homes, sleep a little longer than normal while they play with the kids, cook us food, do our laundry, etc...  We enjoyed the freedom from some of our normal responsibilities and the luxury of clean tap water, clean neighborhood pools, clean streets, warm weather, beaches, free soda refills, free returns and blueberries.  Just to name a few.  So, coming back is a mixed bag.  We were anxious to get home to our new house, which we lived in for less than 2 months before going on vacation.  And, we were excited to see some of the new friends we had made at NICS training that we'd be working alongside of at Highlands.  We know what we leave behind and we know what we're walking into.  That can be good and hard on so many levels.  Natty kept saying, "I want to go, but I don't want to go.  I'm sad, but I'm excited."  I get you.  The first day home was a blur of shortness of breath, dogs barking, 9 (yes, 9) suitcases exploding everywhere, TIREDNESS from rolling in at 4am.  As much as I wanted to be back here, there were surprising memories that crept up from deep below that brought out some fear.  No sleep and the stress of not knowing if that would ever change.  Long work hours.  Constant frustration with the differences in culture that we would never change but continually experience.  Our last year was hard and the ease of a summer away only temporarily erased that.  I think now that most of our stuff is put away, there are some groceries in the fridge and we've had some good interactions with friends at school and church, those feelings aren't as intense.  But, I know that my security can't rest in any of those things- in my control over those things.  My resolve to thrive in the moment, whatever it is bringing me, has been made stronger by being forced to choose between living in bitterness or in faith in God's goodness and ability to sustain us.  Although I have to think this year will be less intense than last year, I just don't know.  What I do know is that God never changes and His promise to me is that all is for my good.  The challenge is when that good doesn't look like what I think is good.  I'm learning....slowly.

One thing that brought a smile to my face and reminded me of one of the reasons I love living here was the bank.  I won't go into detail about how frustrating that experience was, because I'm trying to work on my attitude a bit.  What was sweet was when a cholita came in and sat down in front of the girls.  She was dressed in traditional Bolivian gear with a big skirt and little round-toed slip-on shoes and 2 long, thick braids down her back.  She smiled at the girls and said they looked pretty, like little Barbies.  My motherly fears of my girls being compared to Barbie won't come in here.  Jubilee got up to hang out with me while I chased Moses around, trying to keep him from launching out into the parking lot looking for "duggas" (trucks), but I watched Natty from afar, chatting it up with this middle-aged, indigenous woman.  They were laughing, they were sharing information, they were communication beautifully.  Natty hadn't lost her Spanish and she looked so grown up to me, sitting alone, smiling at this older woman.  She shared everything they chit-chatted about with me and I marveled at her ability not only to interact with an adult, her ability to do that in Spanish, but the privilege of growing up getting to know another culture.  So sweet.