One step forward, two steps back.

It's cold and dreary today.  Matches my mood.  We thought we were there- one step away.  AGAIN.  She said just this one meeting with the judge needed to happen before we could have our chance to be assigned our little boy and finally meet him.  I made myself wait almost a week after that supposed meeting before I called the lawyer (who had chosen not to reply to my text from the day before).  Worst case scenario, she's heard nothing, I thought.  What I didn't expect was for her to say that the date for the meeting had to be changed and had actually just happened the day before.  Also, there was a document from the orphanage missing and there would need to be another meeting with the judge...which had not yet been planned.  She said she's spoken with the social worker at the orphanage who assured her she would hurry it up.  This is what she said the last time, and it took 3 months.  So, again, there is no end in sight.  What a blow.

I woke up this morning feeling heavy.  Sad.  I made a list of things I needed to do and took my sweet Jubilee out to run errands and work on projects.  I thought constantly of our baby, our situation, another set-back, how this will affect our plans and hopes.  It feels like it might never come to an end.  I know the Lord has a purpose in this.  I know it is good and right and loving.  But, why does it have to be so hard?  Why do we have to wait, again?  Why do we need yet another reminder that we're out of control and powerless?  I'm reading Joshua and seeing the way the Lord is empowering His people to wipe out every man, woman and child who stands in the way of them occupying this promised land.  He even "heeds the voice of a man" at one point and stops the sun for about a day so they can finish up killing another lot of people.  I know that the miracle we need is not so great at this (maybe just a tiny bit smaller, though).  I know He is for us, as He was for Israel.  I keep hoping for the miracle that I'm not seeing.

So, we shift our expectations again.  Maybe he'll be closer to a year old than we were thinking.  Maybe we won't be able to take our trip home this summer for NICS training.  Who knows at this point?

Good news.

 Meet baby David.  Lord-willing, this is our son.  This is the announcement that was recently put in the paper to see if anyone from his family would recognize him and want to claim him.  No one did, so on the 18th of this month, he'll be declared available for adoption by a judge.  If all goes well, a couple weeks after that, he'll be assigned to us.  There are a lot of "what-ifs" still and we don't have legal claim to him, can't meet him, and aren't really sure if things will move as fast as they "should".  But, it's a step in the right direction and we are trusting the Lord that this is our boy.  It's hard for me to not feel like I can really get excited about him coming soon, cause he may not.  I want to buy baby clothes (he'll be 6 months old soon), but can't hold too tightly to the idea that he'll will come to us in the next month.  I'd love to get out some toys and have them ready for him, but what if he doesn't come?  Certainly, we have been through the emotional roller-coaster and the ride isn't over yet.

 Here is where our little guy is living right now.  We've never been behind the walls of this orphanage, and even though I daydream about what it might be like to walk through that door and see our baby face-to-face, I have to wait a little longer.

Here is the revolving box that faces the street where baby David was probably dropped off by his biological mother.  It swivels toward the inside of the orphanage so the workers can hear the baby crying and come fetch him.  Hard to imagine dropping off my child in a box.

Scotty and I walked by this orphanage after eating lunch nearby today.  It was so hard.  I knew my child was behind those walls.  I have a picture of him.  But, I don't have the freedom or right to claim him.  However, I know this process will come to an end.  We will have our son in our arms and in our home and we will be able to move forward as a family.  I don't know why it has stretched on for as long as it has, but I don't doubt that the Lord has been fully in control of it and I know He wants our son to have a family even worse than we do.  So, we will continue to pray for patience and maybe in a few weeks, you'll see that cute little face next to ours.  Will you pray with us?

P.S. David is the name he was given in the orphanage- it is a name chosen at random.  Stayed tuned for his Miser name. :)