Hotel Europa

Scotty and I decided to spend a night in a nice hotel downtown to celebrate our anniversary. We've never left Natty overnight with anyone before, so this was a big deal for all of us. Thankfully, we have some good missionary friends that live in Mallasilla and have a little 3-year old daughter who were happy to add to an already full house. We happily left her there to play and drove up in time to check-in and have a yummy buffet-style lunch. Our main reason for choosing this hotel was that they have a nice pool/spa/sauna area that is warm and comfy and relaxing. Since we live in La Paz, we had no desire to be outside the hotel much to see anything cause we've seen it all a million times before. After lunch we headed up to our room to digest. We found that the hotel was more than willing to give us the honeymoon special, which included a beautiful bouquet of flowers, his and hers robes, roses in the bathroom, rose petals and salts for the bath, chocolate covered strawberries and an entire bottle of champagne (which we didn't open since I'm pregnant and Scotty's not a big fan) and breakfast in bed (which we skipped so we could engorge at the buffet instead). All of this costs less than a normal night for two in the hotel! Doesn't make much sense, but a no-brainer for us. After sprawling on the bed for a bit, we felt like we were capable of moving again so we grabbed our suits and books and went downstairs to hit the indoor pool. When we came out of the elevator, we saw it was dark in the pool area. Upon checking, we were informed the pool is closed on Tuesdays- ALL DAY. Scotty and I exchanged angry/disappointed/unbelieving stares and sulked back to our room. I actually cried. The whole point of getting away and leaving Natty was to just relax and enjoy the amenities of the hotel. The idea of sitting in a hotel room, listening to the continual screams from the huge school below us, until dinner time, was not what we were going for. It was interesting to watch each other respond, both of us feeling like we are so frequently disappointed in a similar manner by things in Bolivia, and think about the counseling seminar we were just a part of. We learned that when the heat of life is pressing on you, you either have thorn tree responses (which I was struggling with) or fruit tree responses, which is due only to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life. We wanted to have fruit tree responses and I think we eventually got there- but we had to wrestle with a fair amount of irritation first. So, once we decided to stay and make the most of it (we were about to call the whole thing off), we had a great time. We read, we walked to a nearby coffee shop, I took a bath- the afternoon passed quite nicely. Then we went upstairs to a snazzy restaurant with live piano player and had a delicious dinner- best I've had in a long time. One of the things I was looking forward to the most was not being woken up at 6:30 by "mommymommymommymommy!" Of course, I expected to still wake up pretty early, as my body is now trained, but it sure was nice to just be able to lay there for a while before actually getting up. After another eating frenzy at breakfast we were happy to lay around for the rest of the morning and finish up the books we had brought. Then we actually were able to make it for an hour to the pool, order a quick lunch, and jet. What a nice time we had talking about important things, talking about not important things, playing Boggle, reading, resting, eating. I loved having Scotty to myself for a day and just doing whatever we wanted to do. After a busy last month, it was a much-needed time away.

Six years.

Today Scotty and I celebrate 6 years of marriage. Usually on this day, I look back over the last year to contemplate all that has happened and all that we have been through. I could have never guessed the roller coaster year that God had in store for us. Friends recently asked if we felt we had grown in our marriage through losing Zion and everything that followed. I think that time will show the ways that God has brought us to a deeper place in our relationship than we could have gotten to otherwise. One thing I can say is that my extreme sadness, tears, fears, doubts, anger, questions, and apathy brought out amazing qualities in Scotty that I had only a glimpse of before. Throughout the hard times, and they were terribly hard, Scotty was solid. He was patient with me. He let me cry for hours- sometimes leaving me alone, sometimes letting me soak his shirts. He didn't have any trite answers. He told me it would be OK when I didn't think it ever would again. He almost never pushed me to get "better" before I was ready. He talked about Zion. He held the house together when I didn't have the strength. He took care of Natty when I just wanted to sleep. He treated me with long-suffering that only a depth of love can when the darkness had settled and was not planning on lifting for any time soon. I am so grateful for this godly man that the Lord allowed me to walk through this short journey of life with. He challenges me to be a wife that reflects Christ and every day I pray that I might be more gracious, more forgiving, more submissive, more respectful- that my actions may further build the bond of "oneness" that is unique to marriage. After I woke up this morning, I thought how incredible it is that God led Scotty to his future wife only a month after embarking on this Bolivian adventure, and me to my future husband in only 6. He has been so good, so faithful to us and I trust He will continue to be all the days of our lives. I thank Him for allowing me 6 amazing, beautiful years with a man better than I could have imagined. I love you Scotty Miser!!

Life continues

I'm already unbuttoning my pants when I sit down. Is this normal at 9 weeks?? They say you get rounder faster with each pregnancy and I suppose I never regained the normal flat belly after Zion, but, really? The lady that cut my hair today asked me if this was my first child, before I mentioned that I was pregnant! How did she know??

Scotty and I said "see you later" to Coty and Beth Pinckney yesterday. We were very blessed by their visit and even though I was struggling with a fair amount of nauseousness and lots of sleepiness, I enjoyed every conversation and hug and meal and play time with Natty and time spent learning new sewing techniques. It was a great reminder of how intimately God can weave the body of Christ together, even when thousands of miles separate us. It was good to share the challenges of ministry and the great joys as well and be encouraged that what God has called us here to do is worth it and that it is good to be a part of God's kingdom coming on earth. Since we hadn't had a date for a couple of weeks, Scotty and I took advantage of our house help being here to watch Natty and went on a lunch date today. We decided to go downtown and check out a nice hotel where we've decided to celebrate our upcoming anniversary and eat at a beautiful cafe next door. The food was scrumptious and we were within walking distance of our favorite donut shop for a special treat afterward. I appreciate Scotty and the way he is willing to talk to me about everything and anything and the way he desires to be a better husband.

There is still much peace in my heart about the pregnancy. I give God all the glory for that- He knows that my tendency is fear and that many people would not blame me for it. But, He has graciously allowed me and is helping me to trust Him daily, even in those moments when something seems "off" in my body and I wonder if it is a forewarning of something bad. I still have moments when I'd really like to be out of Bolivia and dealing with the whole pregnancy in the states but have also come to strongly believe that whatever happens here is completely in God's hands and He has the power to control even how my doctor chooses to treat me. I pray often for wisdom as there looms ahead another surgical procedure to close up my womb, but still feel OK that the same doctor does that procedure. I can't say that I've thought or dreamed as much about this child as I have the others, but I hope as time goes on, the freedom and confidence to imagine this baby as part of our family will return. So, I fight to walk by faith and not by sight and to know that God is enough.

The news.

Well, now that the Facebook world has received the news that I'm expecting again, I can finally blog about the things that have been on my mind and heart in the last month that I've known. It's been hard to not blog about it! Let me tell you, nothing prepared me for the emotions and the fears that would flood over me upon realizing that I was indeed pregnant. We didn't really expect it to happen so fast and when it did, my first reaction was sadness. This seems contrary to what most people feel when they find out they're having a baby, but this was the overwhelming emotion. Mainly, it was just another reminder that Zion was gone and that I would never be carrying him in my womb. That's what I really wanted- was to somehow be able to put him back inside and keep going. I didn't want another person in there. A day or so after that, the fear set in. And it was strong. I was convinced I would miscarry or that the baby wouldn't make it full term or all manner of terrible things. But, it wasn't like a passing thought that I would deal with and it would go away for a time- it was constant. I had a total lack of joy and really a hard time even thanking God for this pregnancy because I was totally wanting to protect myself from the possible pain that could incur. It was not pretty. I spent a couple weeks just praying constantly for the Lord to give me peace and help me not to worry or wonder if I could go through all of this again. Out of the blue one day, I really felt that God met with me and put my heart at ease. He also convicted me quite a bit about the tendency I had to reserve my praise and thanksgiving to Him until I was more sure that things were going well. Life is a gift from the Lord and a miracle, but I was not receiving it as such. I wanted to hold on to and nurture my fear because I felt that once I started really believing things would be OK, they wouldn't be. God showed me first, my lack of faith, and then how I was really stealing from Him the glory He deserves for this unmerited gift. I should be rejoicing and sharing with the world how good my God is and showing them how worthy He is to be trusted with all things. My greatest hope with Zion's death was that his short life would not be wasted. Through him, I have learned to trust God in a whole new way, more deeply. And, I have learned to believe that He is a kind and loving Father, even when what happens in our lives doesn't feel like that. But, I wasn't living that out in this pregnancy and so forgetting one of the great things that Zion's life taught me. I know there will be a long road ahead and I am not always comfortable with Bolivia's medical system but I know that my God is with me and that He will work for my good.

So, that's the short of it. On the practical side, I find myself confined a lot to the house again- fighting the all-day yuck feeling and extreme tiredness. I half expected to see twins during our recent ultrasound because I was feeling so tired all the time, more so than I remember with the other pregnancies. What we saw instead was a tiny little baby- about a week younger (barely 7) than we thought- but with a clear heartbeat. That was a happy moment. Natty is excited about the idea of a brother or sister- mostly, a sister these days. Scotty and I are excited about the idea of going home in November to carry out the last half of the pregnancy there where I can be monitored more carefully and deliver in a place with higher medical standards. It will be wonderful to spend the holidays with family and to finally be able to shop in the US for baby stuff. :) So, I welcome your prayers for whatever God has for us ahead and look forward to rejoicing together when our new one is finally in our arms, even while we continue to hold tightly to Zion in our hearts.