Home again.

Natty's first day back to school.

Well, we made it.  We're back home, or at least, to the place that feels most familiar.  Natty was not excited to leave the U.S. and come back, but in a short amount of time she started saying, "Mommy, it's like we never left.  Like our trip was a dream or something."  It always feels a bit surreal like that at first.  It is good to be back.  Scotty is often aware of how much better he feels compared to when he left.  He notices that he responds differently to situations that he wouldn't have handled so well before- I notice, too.  We are both excited about what the Lord is going to do this year, in us and through us.  We have so much more to learn still.  So much to try to put into practice.  A few days after returning, we met with our small group.  They were encouraged to hear how God had worked in our lives.  We shared about the freedom we feel to enjoy God and how that should be preeminent in our lives.  From our overabundant joy in Him will we go on to serve Him.  Often, I think we try to do it the other way around, which can lead to all sorts of unpleasant things.  We know; we've been there.  We had our pastor and his family over the Sunday after returning and shared with them.  They expressed how much they enjoy coming to our house to hang out and talk, sometimes about things they don't feel like they can share with just anyone.  That's our greatest desire for our home- that it would be a place where people can come as they are and feel freedom and grace.  We can't wait to have our own place with more space for this kind of meeting.  We've met with a contractor, scratched him off our list, and are moving on to others.  It feels like progress.

And yet, along with all this positive, there are already great struggles.  Natty has been dealing with some issues that are so far beyond my scope as a parent.  Her thoughts, her words, her reactions- they frighten me sometimes.  Could it be the result of another big change?  Are we under some sort of spiritual attack?  This isn't the first time we've dealt with this.  I find myself running to the Lord and pleading for His help.  I am fighting my own tired soul and choosing to believe that He can work in her heart and knowing we must persevere.  When Zion died and I was struggling so much to believe that God was good, I had a friend who always told me she would trust God for me.  That's stuck with me and I want to stand in that place for my daughter.  When she can't trust God, I will do it for her until she learns to do it on her own.  I want her to see that no matter what, He is worthy.