Too much time has escaped again. Time that has been spent doing stuff and shopping and seeing people and taking care of kids and eating and who knows what. Sometimes I think God is pulling out my extroversion and sometimes I think I've just forgotten how to be, how to think, how to be still and listen, how to prioritize and even how to pray. My mental and emotional gears never downshift anymore. If I'm not doing something, I'm thinking about doing things and worrying about things that need to be done or making a list of what has yet to be done. We're in our last few weeks of time in the US. This is always crunch time. Making plans with the people we didn't manage to see already (of whom there are many). Making shopping trips between nursing to pick up stuff that I want to take back to Bolivia. I'm not sure why this stuff never gets bought earlier in the trip. Partly, you can never guess just how big that ever-changing 3 year old is going to be and what size clothing she'll need for the next few years. Doctors appointments seem frequent for us all. And there is a revolving door here at the Pinckneys that leaves the house often full of friends to chat with and cook with and play with. I love that! Thank God there is a never ending supply of people who will watch the baby or indulge Natty's needs to play pretend or make food. And yet, even with the help, I can't seem to find time to stay up with my Bible reading or get quiet with the Lord. I don't feel like I've had many conversations with Scotty lately, either. How to I make my mind stop racing?? I even eat like I'm trying to win a speed contest.
One good thing that helped me slow down a bit was a trip we took last week to Virginia to speak at a missions conference at our friend's church. These are very dear friends with 2 little girls also and it was a joy to spend the week with them. Of course, with so many little ones and some sleepless nights and colds and a fairly busy church schedule, the time just wasn't as much as I wanted it to be. But, it was a special break in our time in Charlotte.
Today, for just a few minutes, I was still. Jen, a good friend of the Pinckneys, was playing hymns at the piano. It was beautiful. I took Jubilee and Natty in the room, sat on the couch, snuggled with my girls and soaked it in. We were all still long enough for me to be moved almost to tears by the worshipful music and the gift of being with my 2 sweet daughters. Mingled with that, as always, was a sharp and sudden realization that Zion was missing, my 3rd baby. He will always be felt most in those moments when I am caught up in gratefulness for my living children. And, mother's day stares me in the face again. A time of thanking God for the girls and a time of sadness that our son has gone on before us. It's been a year and a half now. Sometimes it's hard to believe I haven't held him in that long. I sometimes think of him when I'm holding or nursing Jubilee but it's almost too painful to try to imagine him in that place. But, how much more I understand the gift of my children because of him.
Today, for just a few minutes, I was still. Jen, a good friend of the Pinckneys, was playing hymns at the piano. It was beautiful. I took Jubilee and Natty in the room, sat on the couch, snuggled with my girls and soaked it in. We were all still long enough for me to be moved almost to tears by the worshipful music and the gift of being with my 2 sweet daughters. Mingled with that, as always, was a sharp and sudden realization that Zion was missing, my 3rd baby. He will always be felt most in those moments when I am caught up in gratefulness for my living children. And, mother's day stares me in the face again. A time of thanking God for the girls and a time of sadness that our son has gone on before us. It's been a year and a half now. Sometimes it's hard to believe I haven't held him in that long. I sometimes think of him when I'm holding or nursing Jubilee but it's almost too painful to try to imagine him in that place. But, how much more I understand the gift of my children because of him.
