Big sister's prayer

Last night Natty requested that we pray for her little brother.  I think she just wanted to hang out a little longer before going to bed, but what followed was so special to me.  Her prayer went pretty much like this:  "Dear God, thank you for my little brother.  Please help him not to be afraid in the orphanage.  When he cries, let someone run over to him and pick him up.  I pray he will be nice and not be afraid when he comes home.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

It's official...

...We're expecting a baby!  Ok, not in the feeling nauseous, growing tummy, 9 months kinda way...but, in the adoption kinda way!  It might actually include a bit of feeling nauseous and possibly take 9 months, but there's no way to know yet.  We've just taken the very first baby step in meeting yesterday with a lawyer who has worked with two other ex-pat families and seems very competent/nice.  Her mom is a lawyer who actually exclusively does adoptions, so they will make a good team.  What she had to share wasn't very new, since we've asked a fair amount of questions already, but we were a bit disappointed to hear that getting an infant under 6 months of age is impossible.  Even getting one that young is rare.  From how she talked, it sounds like almost everything about your child is completely dependent on who is available at the time you turn in all your paperwork and who the judge thinks would be appropriate for your family.  You can request gender and give a preferred age range, but the rest is up for grabs.  So, we're slightly nervous about that, but also are praying that we can rest in our Father who already knows who this son of ours is, what kind of baggage he might come with and is already preparing us to know how to love him and help him.  So, first step- get our birth certificates translated and "legalized".  We left the lawyer's office feeling very vague about that process, but know of a couple people here who are going through or just finished their adoptions and so we will be bothering asking them lots of questions.  I'm ready to get things rolling, since I know paperwork can often lag in the most efficient of countries and we've been here long enough to know this is not one of those countries.  So, this has officially become an adoption blog in addition to big and fat- I hope it can one day be helpful to someone as so many other adoption blogs have been helpful to me.

It's back!

So, a few weeks ago my computer went a bit crazy and wouldn't let me log on.  I would turn it on and it would slooooowly load up and then turn itself off and repeat this ridiculous process about a dozen times.  Annoying and weird.  Then, we went to Cochabamba for a week and just tonight, we finally got a techie out to fix things.  So simple for him- wish I was more technological.  So, a report from Cochabamba.  Normally, we love this city where we met and love being able to take a half-hour plane ride to get there.  This time, the second we touched down, the faucet in Jubilee's head turned on and there was constant running out of several orifices for the next week.  Boo.  We went a couple days before our yearly SIM mission conference to chill and enjoy the somewhat warmer weather, but ended up cancelling our plans out to the mission cabin on the lake (so peaceful there!) and spending a fair amount of time worrying (OK, maybe it was just me) about J who was running a high fever and coughing too much.  We still felt pretty relaxed by the time at Dale and Debbie's house since they have a nice yard and happened to have the last season of a TV show we are totally into recorded for us to conveniently watch on their big screen.  Score.  Natty adores a yard and morning and night would find her outside crunching leaves, rolling around in the grass and exploring the garden.  I suppose I must admit that the poor girl lives in a bit of a concrete jungle around here.  Just today, however, I asked God to help me not complain about that...so, let us continue.  A good friend of mine that I called when I was worried about Jubilee passed on the prayer request for her health to our pastor who must have conveyed that the situation was a bit more grave then it really was because we received a fair amount of phone calls from our church family, with worry in their voices, asking if she was OK.  At least a dozen people asked me at church on Sunday how she was.  Apparently they prayed together as a church while we were gone and that same day, her high fever passed.  Awesome God.  Anyway, Monday we drove over (with a ridiculous amount of luggage for a week away) to a "retreat" center (we're still in a developing country- so not so "retreat" as I would like) and I have to say I was happily surprised with the locale.  It was big and sprawling and filled with trees and plants and quite pretty.  The rooms were decent and we scored a working bathroom and Natty immediately became best friends with the director's 5 year-old daughter who didn't leave her side but to sleep.  Although we suffered some rough nights with Jubilee still working through her cold and only one nap for her the whole time we were there (she usually takes 1 or 2 a day), it was so nice to be with our SIM family.  I'm not just saying it because maybe some of them read my blog, but I absolutely love our SIM mssionaires.  For the majority of them, this is the one time a year we see them and it is such an encouragement to hear about what God is doing in their lives and churches and just have fun together.  This year, we had "travel logs" by the international members of our team and got fun explanations and pictures of their home counries- including New Zealand, Malaysia, Australia, Argentina, Columbia, Holland, and Switzerland.  Cool, right?  Our days consisted of a fairly early breakfast, prayer time, a morning session with a speaker from the US, lunch, rest time (at which point I usually sat as silently on my bed as possible waiting for Jubilee to fall asleep and usually getting way too frustrated when she didn't), afternoon expo where we got to chat, by region, with missionaries about their ministries, dinner and then games.  The awesome thing about people coming down from the US is that there is always a team that does a kids program so we can drop off the munchkins and focus on grown-up things.  What a gift!  I appreciated the time away and how good it feels to be back in your own bed when it's all done.  So, for the last couple of days, we haven't had internet and I've found myself a lot more productive.  Now that it's fixed, I'll have to be a bit more disciplined in how I spend my time.  Natty is on winter break for a few weeks and I'm hoping to make the most of the time with her.  She loves to be at home, but that means sitting around getting colder in the house.  Today I had on fleece socks, a long sleeved shirt, two jackets and a hat- but I was still cold.  Maybe I should pray about not complaining about the weather, too...  To end on a positive note- I've written to an adoption lawyer so that we could meet up and chat about what the next steps look like.  Eeeeeeee!

Ten years.

Trying new Bolivian food with new roomies and new friends.

This week I celebrate 10 years of being in Bolivia.  Although it doesn't feel as exciting as a birthday or Christmas, I want to take time to reflect on all that the Lord has taught me and His faithfulness over this last decade.  I arrived in Cochabamba, Bolivia the first week of June, 2003.  I immediately started 3 weeks of training with my sending organization, Food for the Hungry, and met my 3 lovely new roommates.  I got my first taste of La Cancha, an enormous, stinky, amazing market where you can find just about anything there is to be found and then some.  I spent a lot of time there my first couple years in Bolivia and bought a whole new wardrobe there (which my mom pointed out at one time during a visit home was made up of "ratty" clothes).  I learned Spanish, I learned that I'm not very self-directed, I met a wonderful friend who challenged my Biblical understanding of life, I had lots of girl-time with my roomies, I met and fell in love with my future husband and I started to grow roots in Bolivia.  It wasn't long upon arriving to this new world that I felt I could happily stay forever.  Most people have a honeymoon phase when moving to a new country, and this was no exception, but there was also a real confirmation that God had plans for me here.  Fast forward a few years and I return married to Scotty, in a new city (La Paz) and ready for a new chapter.  This chapter has brought joy, sorrow, life, death and much grace.  I've made some very special friends here and said good-bye to many of them.  I've grown more sure in my faith while being challenged to the very core of that faith.  Through all of it, I've seen repeatedly a faithful Savior who loves me and my family and longs for His own glory through every situation He's allowed in our lives.  When I first arrived, I was a learner, soaking up everything I could with regards to the culture, the language, the people, the country.  Now, it is all so familiar and there is so little that surprises me that I think I've plateaued a little in that learning.  I'd like to return.  My Spanish is good, but it could be so much better.  Just as in my walk with Christ, I want to continue growing in my understanding of Bolivia and learn to appreciate the life I live here more each year.  God is at work here in a big way and I am thankful He's letting me and my family be a part of that.  Here's to the next 10 years...

Jubilee and the two bad mice.

Natty has lately enjoyed reading from a large volume of the works of Beatrix Potter.  One story that both of us like a lot is called The Two Bad Mice.  Maybe it's the British English of the late 1800's thing or just a literary thing that I'm too ignorant to understand, but in general I think Beatrix a rather queer writer.  That said, there is a part of two bad mice where the husband, Tom Thumb, and the wife, Hunca Munca, enter into a temporarily unoccupied doll house.  In the dining room they find lovely morsels of food which they take to be real.  When they dig into the ham, Tom Thumb breaks the knife and hurts his finger, because it is made of plaster.  They try the fish and realize it, too, is a fake.  Upon this realization, the book says, "and then there was no end to the rage and disappointment of Tom Thumb and Hunca Munca".  They proceed to smash the "food" and even try to burn it in the fire until they realize it is made of paper.  Scotty and I got a good laugh about the part that talks about "no end to the rage and disappointment"- especially when you imagine two little mice wreaking havoc on a doll house.  Well, that phrase has come to my mind several times today during particularly ugly fits Jubilee has thrown.  Natty was and continues to be a fairly docile child.  Jubilee has surprised us with her quickness at throwing a tantrum, even though they are still on a one-year old scale.  She turns red and screams and tosses her head back and arches her back and if she's on the floor and you are holding her, she'll bounce angrily up and down or just kick out her legs.  It's almost humorous- like a tiny mouse expressing its disappointment.  But, this baby will get bigger and then I'm not sure what will come.  How do you discipline a baby that throws a tantrum?  Oh, how we need God's grace.  For now, I'm thankful for a little phrase from a story about two bad mice that keeps me smiling.

Adoption.

You know that part in Lion King when one evil hyena says the kings name, "Mufasa", and the other one shivers with fear but than says, "Say it again!"?  Mufasa!  Ooooohhh!  Well, I feel a little bit like that just typing "adoption" into the subject line...kinda.  Adoption is something that we have contemplated since before having children, then put it off when we actually began having children, than felt very strongly about it again after losing Zion and now are somewhere in between all that- probably Scotty and I both right now in different places along the way.  In the last few months, I have really just wanted an email from God (who hasn't at one point or another) telling me what His FINAL WILL is for our family life as it regards children.  Wouldn't that be nice?  However, I keep checking the inbox but the closest I can get is that hyena-like shiver when I repeatedly come across blog posts that talk about adoption or abortion (which is equally as powerful in convincing me adoption is so important).  So, I ask if these are meant to be little nudges along the way, cementing that feeling that God has opened our hearts to this for a reason.  Ministry, life, marriage and two little girls keeps us from really feeling like we're in the right place to move ahead with the process- and, if I'm honest, a little bit of fear, too.  What happens if our baby has attachment issues or grows up to deal with any number of other common things that I won't even let myself read about yet?  How will this affect our planned time in the US (needing to stay a couple years in Bolivia after we adopt)?  Can we do it at the same time as building a house?  Do we really want to introduce a little boy into a little girls' world?  Do I want the abundance of energy that comes with little boys when I'm so used to sweet, low-key girls?  I'm not saying these are legitimate or even realistic excuses or problems- I'm just throwing out there some of the hang-ups that have passed through my mind at one point or another.  I am reading an excellent book by Russel Moore called Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches.  He spends a lot of time in the first part of the book trying to help you understand what it really means to be an adopted child of God, our legitimacy as sons and daughters of the Lord and what this means for us in the church- the family of God.  Then, he moves on to how this should affect how the church thinks about the adoption of children.  So far it has been quite a tool to convince me that we should adopt.  A friend of mine said I should read books that try to convince me not to adopt so that if I still come away from those wanting to adopt, I'll know it's from the Lord.  I'm not so sure that would actually be helpful but I do think that I need to spend some time evaluating the fears that I have and asking the Lord to show me what of my thoughts are based on a lack of trust in His plan for our family.  It wouldn't be the first time that doubt has sprung up, but I don't want it to rob me of the opportunity to bless and be blessed by another child.  So, this is where we are.  I hope to move beyond this soon.  I think, with much fear and trembling, I can say that I hope to move forward and see who God has pre-ordained to expand our family.

May 7, 2013

Life doesn't always lend itself to fit succinctly into a blog, so I'll just share some bits of information about my life of late.  We had a friend from our Vineyard church in Gainesville come down to see our life and pitch in for 6 days last week.  He and his wife lead the small group we were so blessed by during our stint in Florida last year and we loved that he was able to take a clear vision back of what it is we do, don't do and talk about doing.  Scotty had him working on a few small projects and we got to introduce him to some of our favorite foods and take him to Lake Titicaca.  He also got to experience the three-day yearly festivities celebrating our little town of Mallasilla.  Under normal circumstances, we try to flee during these 3 days but it wasn't possible this year and we managed to survive, just barely.  The music started up in the mid-afternoon each day and progressively got louder until things shut down around 3am.  Just when I thought it couldn't get more obnoxious or louder- it did.  And then some.  However, I am very grateful that the girls slept (mostly) well, as only small children do a midst chaos.

A highlight for both Scotty and me in the last couple of weeks was spending time individually with a certain couple in our church who also live in our neighborhood.  I was co-leading the women's Bible study with the wife and Scotty was helping the husband prepare to lead, for the first time, our small group.  More on that in our newsletter.  I've also had the lovely opportunity of being downtown more than usual in an effort to straighten out a mess (not my fault) that is my Bolivian ID paperwork.  No need to spend time ranting about that- we're almost at the place where nothing about paperwork here surprises us anymore.  Plus, I got to have a good conversation about God and the Bible with the guy who helps us with our paperwork.  So, that's cool.

Here's some little things that have made me happy recently:  I love to see proof of the lives of my children after they go to bed.  Baby stuffed animals and books on my dresser.  Stickers and paper with art work scribbled on the coffee table.  Sticky high chair tray and dirty onesies on the floor.  It makes me feel like my life is busy with special work and calls to mind the sweet and silly faces of my daughters.  It's starting to get cooler.  I have to admit, I actually am enjoying the crisper weather with bright blue skies- especially when I'm walking past the house with the wind chimes singing in the breeze.  I love how snuggly Jubilee is.  And I (kinda) love how she yelps and snorts and makes all sorts of pokes at me in the morning to get my attention when she comes into bed with us because we want Natty to sleep a little longer (they share a room).  I love how my husband can visualize our future home and how to design it to our utmost satisfaction and usage.  I have so enjoyed spending more time reading lately- mostly because I'm reading Anna Karenena, which is very well written with very complex characters.  I also am continually confronted, in a good way, with what special and meaningful friendships I have here.  Sometimes I hold my breath because I wonder if it will always be that way.  And even though I can't say they're purely happy thoughts, strong emotions related to Zion will unexpectedly flood into my day or moment that make me stop and consider my boy.  They almost always come out of no where and they are always such a weighty mix of profound sadness and at the same time, wonderful peace.  God does that, I think, to keep me from never forgetting what He showed me through the life and death of my son about Himself and to keep me sharp.  How I wish he could be here.

Is it really good?

The fact that I'm actually blogging today is nothing short of miraculous.  After praising and thanking God that Jubilee is healthy, now Scotty has fallen victim to this nasty flu.  I've literally never seen him this sick.  He hasn't gotten out of bed in almost 3 days now- except for a brief stint last night to watch some Netflix with me.  He has a constant fever and is totally useless.  This would not normally be a big deal, other than none of us liking to see him suffer, but today is a big Seder dinner that was supposed to kick off our small group.  One and the other thing has prevented us from starting our new group until now.  One of those things being the moving of a core family in our church who were such a vital part of our group, our church and in whose house we met each 15 days.  We said a tearful good-bye to them and are trying to get our feet back under us.  We thought today would be a good day to start things off right as a new group, celebrating good Friday.  However, by the time Scotty and I (mostly I) figured out he was not going to be better in time, that left me trying to figure out today what to do.  Making last minute calls, figuring out food, enlisting a little bit of help, begging with the woman who bought 13 legs of lamb and prepared them for us when we only needed 5 to let me NOT buy the other 8, coordinating tables and chairs and running other important errands while watching the girls and trying not to be exhausted because Jubilee had the worst night of sleep she's had in months is not making this day "good".  I keep telling myself- today is the day we celebrate Christ's death on the cross for my sins.  Jesus died so I don't have to be a slave to stress and crankiness and being impatient with my children.  Scotty always quotes someone (I can't remember who in this moment): "Preach to yourself, don't listen to yourself."  I've been quite a preacher today, but the message isn't sinking in.  Why can't I feel good today??  Shouldn't it be enough to remember what this holiday is all about?  There is a disconnect in that truth with my life.  Maybe I don't realize how big His sacrifice was.  Maybe I don't realize how big my need for a savior is.  Maybe I'm still trying to make it all work out with my meager resources.  Maybe I think that it's too important how this dinner and celebration time comes together.  Maybe I'm bitter because I can't catch a break these last couple of weeks.  It's good to stop and reflect and be honest with myself.  I'm scared no one is going to be able to step up and lead this night and it'll have to be me! What do I say??  I feel so unprepared- so helpless.  Maybe God has me right where He wants me to be able to show how great He is in my pathetic state.  However I feel, I know He is bigger and more capable and I'm waiting to see how He works His wonders in me and this night.

Sick baby.

To say that I worry a bit when my kids get sick is an understatement.  Ever since our experience with Zion, the slightest illness has me fighting for my faith and trust to believe that God is going to heal my baby.  The afternoon that Scotty went out of town, Sunday, Jubilee started to run a fever.  I assumed it was something minor, like teething issues, and we prayed she’d be fine while he was away.  Monday she was hot, but was acting OK, as though she were not too sick.  I had already scheduled her one-year check-up for that afternoon and waited throughout the day to see what the doctor thought was wrong with her.  When we took her temp at the pediatrician’s office, she was quite concerned that she was running 103.5 and wanted me to monitor her very closely and take a pee sample.  Well, we know all about pee samples here.  When Natty was little and running a high fever, we had to tape this little plastic bag on her to try to catch her pee.  It ended up being one of the most stressful experiences I’ve had with Natty’s health.  I had to take Jubilee downstairs to the pharmacy to get a pee collector, take her back up to wash her bottom real well in the public restroom sink, and then tape this bag on her.  Then we sat in the waiting room with a TV program playing what, of course, had to be a medical show about some horrible illness a young baby contracted and the trauma she and her parents went through to diagnose and treat her.  Well, I was already stressed out and this was not helping.  I ended up sitting around for 45 minutes waiting for my baby to pee (talk about a watched pot!) and then finally left because the dying baby on TV was not encouraging me at all.  That night, I put Natty and Jubilee with me in my room and slept little as I kept a close eye and ear on J, set multiple alarms to give her the next round of pain killers and listened to Natalie who lay awake for a couple hours after one particularly loud bout of crying from her baby sister.  The next day, the fever was about the same and Jubilee seemed to be feeling much worse.  I was tense all day, but had to leave her for a good part of the morning to attend a Father’s Day party at Natty’s school.  She seemed to feel worse and worse and by evening she had spiked another high fever, even though I had just given her a dose of ibuprofen.  By this time, I’m sick to my stomach from trying to handle all this without Scotty and am thinking I might need to take our baby into the emergency room for some blood tests.  For 2 solid days I spent almost every minute of the day fighting to trust, fighting to not freak out, fighting to find joy and telling myself that I serve a great God that loves me and my baby.  I spent a lot of mental and emotional energy on that and by Tuesday night, I couldn't keep it together any more.  I called a friend who got on the horn and within minutes had someone lined up to come stay with Natty at the house and another person to go with me to the hospital if I needed to.  I called a good friend in the US at least half a dozen times for medical advice and encouragement and had no less than 4 people asking me to call at any time of the night if I needed them.  By the time I went in to check Jubilee’s temp one more time in order to make a final decision, I knew I had a small army praying and available to me.  Praise God, her temp had dropped and I was pretty sure we’d make it through the night without a hospital trip.  The relief I felt when I felt a cooler head was palpable and I had a good cry- my heart swirling with a mix of gratitude, thankfulness and absolute recognition that no matter how weak my faith is, my God is faithful and takes care of me.  I am so humbled by the amazing friends he has given me here and being able to trust that even without Scotty’s presence, I had so many others that were there for me.  Things started out well on my birthday- with no fever.  But, as the day wore on, the baby wore out and by lunch she was hot and we had to make an emergency trip to the lab where they drew some blood.  Running around with a limp baby on my birthday, trying to find a lab open at lunch time is not my most favorite of birthday memories.  But, a few hours later when the tests came back, the doctor reported she just had a virus that we would have to wait out.  Yesterday, although still looking pretty pathetic, she seemed to be more herself.  Today, she is back to feeling pretty bad and sleeping a lot, but no fever.  So, the saga continues and although I know she has something that will eventually go away, my heart is a little tense as I watch my little one suffer.  I wonder if God, even knowing the eventual outcome, feels something like that when we suffer.  I know He knows our pain and walks with us.  I try to rest in His sovereignty and hope each time I go through these times it will come a bit more naturally to trust Him the next.

Good-bye Nana and Papa.

Last day's hiking activity with my parents and friends.

I think I just saw my parent's plane fly over our house.  They left fairly early this morning and since then I've enjoyed being in the quiet and cleaning, organizing, cooking, etc.  But, I can't say that there isn't sadness, too.  Natty started yesterday saying how she didn't want Nana and Papa to go.  She cried pretty hard this morning as they were leaving.  Good-byes have gotten so much more sad since children have come along.  Natty really gets it now- that we won't see Nana and Papa again for a long time.  It's hard to watch her suffer and know that in another reality, maybe we would see them all the time.  But, this is our reality and for the most part, we are used to living away from our families.  It's in times like these that you are faced with one of the losses you try not to think about too much that living oversees brings. I tried to remind Natty, and myself, that we were blessed to have 3 weeks with my parents and do lots of fun things together.  It was a great visit and we are thankful that our parents can make the trip here and share in our lives for a while.  I'm glad it's a sunny, happy sort of day outside and that Jubilee is sleeping long and giving me a few moments to reflect and work and pray.  I'm glad that there are things to look forward to in our lives this week and in the weeks to come.  I'm glad that one day, there will be no more good-byes and we will all be together with Christ, worshiping and playing forever.

Wedding!

Ready for the big event!

We had the great privilege of attending our house-helper, Fely's, oldest son's wedding yesterday.

Fely walking Juan Carlos down the aisle.

 It was pretty traditional, but because they are a Christian family, it lacked the obnoxious component of everyone getting trashed.  Fely asked us to be padrinos de los anillos, which means we foot the bill for the couples' wedding rings and felt honored to be asked something of such importance to them.  We're not sure what else that implies, but suspect we might find as time goes on that there are other responsibilities that accompany this honor.  In a high-context society such as this one, a lot of information is assumed understood or can be received by a third party.  We found out later that it is tradition for padrinos to be a part of the picture taking process (which occupies a couple hours after the ceremony while the guests wait patiently in the reception hall), but we had no idea so we disappeared right after the ceremony.  Oops!  Thankfully, we were able to attend the wedding with some good friends who work with Fely's husband and so we drove up together late morning for the celebration.

The church.

Waiting for the ceremony to start.

 After a quick ceremony in a small church in El Alto, we drove (because it was hailing) nearby to a reception hall, complete with posters of naked women in the entryway.  The hall was large and airy, lending itself to drafts and freezing my feet from the moment we walked in until we left, 5 hours later. People were already seated at the metal tables set up and so we sat down as well and began the long wait for the happy couple to return from their picture taking.  Usually couples will drive around to popular spots around town to take pictures, sometimes during a span of upwards of 3 hours or so, while the guests are served hors d'oeuvres (in this case, animal crackers, cheese puffs, lollipops and copious amounts of soda ) until they return.  We played a few rounds of cards while we waited and then got in line for the gift presenting after man and wife arrived.  Then, they were covered with confetti from wedding-style pinatas hanging from the ceiling, did a few laps around the hall with tables clapping as they passed and then they sat down and stared straight ahead like they were waiting for the judge's decision.

Getting confettied.

At one point, Fely and her husband came to me and Scotty and asked us to sit with them at the front because they were busy getting food ready.  I realized that this was an honor associated with us being padrinos and we obligingly sat down, boys on one side, girls on the other.

Sitting with Juan Carlos and Nancy.

I made small talk with the bride, whom I have never met, and her mom for about 45 mins or so.  It was a bit uncomfortable at times, being in center stage but not knowing what proper etiquette was.  I did my best to make friends with the nervous, young bride and asked her questions about how she and Juan Carlos had met and how they had become engaged.  We talked about her family, including 9 other brothers and sisters, and empathized with her mom who just lost her husband of 30 years a few months ago.  Finally, the couple got up together and left the building, so I took advantage of doing the same to find the sun that was finally coming out from behind the clouds and warm my chilled body.  After 10 minutes in the sun, I felt much better and figured since I saw a taxi dropping off large buckets of potatoes and wash basins full of lettuce, it must be close to lunch time (at 5pm).  We went back inside and before long, more wash basins began to emerge full of small, disposable containers of food.  We checked with Fely to see where we were supposed to be seated- it was looking cramped at the bride and grooms table.  We got the go-ahead to sit where we had started off and received our food with prayers for God's protection.  Normally, I am not concerned about food that I eat here, but this was pork, and pork can do nasty things to you.  A good Bolivian friend of ours had made a comment one time that he almost always gets sick eating pork, but it's always worth it.  I can't say as though I feel the same way.  But, we knew the right thing was to eat it and it actually tasted pretty yummy.

Lechon- pork.

 So, we enjoyed using fingers to pull of salty pig goodness, tear up potatoes, fried bananas, yams and salad.

Wash it down with some more soda and then we were off.  My parents had graciously spent the whole day watching the girls, who were both fighting colds, and we managed to make it home just in time for me to nurse Jubilee and put her to bed.  We never got to taste the cake, but that probably wasn't going to get cut until around 8pm.

11 cakes!

 All in all, it was a great experience and another way we wanted to tell Fely and her family how much they mean to us.

Chinese animal piano

Friends of ours from church gave us a present for Jubilee's birthday today.  It's called the Animal Piano.  It was made in China.  I'm afraid I am going to have to share with all of you the awesome, badly translated phrases that appear on the box.  I hope some of you laugh as hard as we did.

1. Correctly choose standard pronunciation, graceful tweedle.
2.  Lovely of! (at the top of the box)
3.  Press the animal head key, will send out each wow.
4.  Be careful of the po tential (2 words) entanglement hazard with neck, hair or fingers if there are string, wire, wheels or rolling parts in the product.
5.  Dot not shoot towards human body if the product consists of shooting function.
6.  Color and packing of the product real object have a dissimilarity to please to take real object color as quasi. (this might be my favorite).
7.  While converting to look for function, the electronic organ will send out the interjection of animal and be you press opposite in response to of key, the electronic organ will send out "you answer rightness", be you press wrong the electronic organ will rectify for you mistake. (ok, maybe this one is my fav)
8.  There is the keep company with of piano of the cartoon music piano, I can study to more music everyday, more fun.
9.  The kid studies musical teacher To the kid's vivid education start from here!
10.  Contain the small parts has already suffocate dangerous, not for children under 3 years.
11.  Have to adult is there while using play, in order to serve as guardian and point Lead.

Yes, there were that many ridiculous statements on a small box.  Also, another "Made in China" gift we received was a bag full of rattles called "baby rattles" or something that also included a warning saying "not suitable for children under 3 years of age".  Baby rattles?  Not intended for babies?  The ultimate in hilarity might have been a box labeled "Digital Train".


 It was made of wood and had parts that hooked together with numbers on them- digits.  Hence, digital train...  So awesome.

Almost one.

My mind is full of details about Jubilee's impending party on Saturday.  Appetizers and people to contact and people to remind about things they already committed to do and how to transport food and how to prepare it all ahead of time without it getting soggy.  And my days are filled with stuffing gift bags and making cupcakes and running errands and cooking and trying to spend time with my parents in the midst of busy schedules.  I desperately want to enjoy Jubilee's first birthday party, but I find myself overwhelmed with the work that it's taking to pull it off well.  I want to just kick back with my parents, play with my kids and not worry about anything.  So, I decided to take this quiet moment while the house is asleep and remember God's faithfulness in Jubilee's life- from the time of conception through her first year.  I won't have another chance to do it before she turns one, so today I will remember and be encouraged.  Oh, my, where to start?  How often I think of all that the Lord has done in her little life and know that He was so very gracious to us.  With her pregnancy came a lot of fear, but He provided amazing friends all around us to encourage me and help with Natty and other practicalities once I was on bed rest.  The two months I spent sitting on my rump gave me really special time to connect with Natty before her sister came along and taught me to depend more on the people around me.  It also showed me what a hard-working, sacrificing, loving and gracious husband I have.  In our journey back to the US, the Lord worked out several sticky situations that worked against us ever making it to Gainesville, where I felt I and the baby would be safer.  Upon arriving, I had an electric scooter loaned to me and a fantastic doctor who accepted me as his patient, even though he supposedly wasn't taking any new patients.  And, of course, parents who let us mooch off of them for 5 months and took good care of all of us. Plus, God threw in a wonderful new small group from my church that provided us with new and needed friendships and support for the months ahead.  Many fun days followed and good doctor reports that truly made us thankful after the pain we had been through with Zion.  And even though Jubilee made a surprise entry into the world a few weeks early, she was perfect and healthy and delivered by one of my new church friends!  I still remember the incredible joy I felt upon hearing her first cries- such a mix of relief and gladness and fulfilled hopes and a little bit of grief that I never heard that from my Zion.  The days ahead were hard and Jubilee struggled at a very early age with a nasty respiratory virus.  But, the illness that sends most babies that young to the hospital was passed through without major complication...although with quite a bit of concern on my part.  However, God continued to show Himself kind and powerful and really sustained us in those first few months of rocky newborn days and various health challenges as well as moving from one place to another until we returned home.  Here, Jubilee arrived without problem in the altitude- one of my greatest concerns and prayer requests and has thrived ever since.  And now she is almost one year old.  She is a joyful, smart, outgoing gift from our good Father and we celebrate her and thank Him for this time to remember all He has done in our lives.

Carnaval

It's that time of year again: carnaval.  When everything shuts down for 4 days and people decorate their homes and cars with streamers and balloons and confetti and light firecrackers and throw water balloons and wish for the Pachamama to bless them and their stuff.  We went for a drive today- something we had been waiting to get a truck to do.  We got a truck!  We took it for a drive.  We decided we'd try to find a camp ground we had heard about to see if it would be suitable for our church to have its annual camp there.  We had to take a bit of a scenic route, as the direct one was shut down due to damage done by the rains.  It seems as though a few bridges have been blown out and walls knocked over.  So, we left right after breakfast with the girls strapped in for an adventure.  We didn't know exactly where to go but headed up in the right direction and stopped on the way for a kind man to draw a map for us in the dirt.  

Man drawing route in dirt.

The roads began to get narrower and bumpier and the landscape a bit more like the country.  All around us we heard the familiar "pop!" of fire crackers and saw plenty of small children bearing large water guns.  A few flashed big grins as we drove by and they hosed down our truck with water.  A small, but steady stream wove back and forth from one side of the road to the other, crossing right through the thoroughfare of cars, trucks and donkeys.  At last, we saw a small sign announcing we had found the camp we were in search of.  There was a narrow street running down to the entrance with a small ditch cut through the middle.  Scotty decided to he would back down the street, since there was not even enough space to do a 3-point turn to get our nose in the right direction.  I cringed inside, and maybe a little out, too, but really do trust Scotty's driving ability, as he has proven himself on numerous occasions.  Shortly in, the car lurches and bumps and I'm pretty sure our tire has gone into the ditch.

Oops!

 Yes, it's confirmed.  We pile out and me and the girls head down on foot to find the camp while Scotty waits for some friendly men from the community to help him out with planks.

Pretty place to get stuck in a ditch.

Thankfully, it doesn't take long before he's free and we find someone to let us into the camp grounds.

Jubilee was quite the attraction at the camp.

Taking pictures of our baby-doll baby.

The surroundings were beautiful- I'll start with something positive.  However, I will freely admit that I'm not a "roughin' it" kind of person.  I can do it for a few days, but when you have small (crawling) children, it's different.  I tried to remind myself that there are few options in La Paz and we have to have something big enough for a good sized group as well as economical enough to not exclude anyone in the church.  I'll just say that if the elders decide we'll camp there, I will survive and write to blog about it.  But, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  Anyway, back into the car and bumping down the road pass the group of old, toothless men drinking and enjoying their holiday.  We're all tired now and Natty is making up nonsensical songs and I'm racking my brain to figure out what to make, quickly, for lunch when we get home.  Scotty is still getting over a nasty cold, so everyone but me is quietly in bed and I'm loving the still house and the blue skies we haven't seen for this long at once in weeks.  It sure has been nice to have some days off and one of these free moments I need to get my mind wrapped around finishing up Jubilee's birthday party planning and thinking through a few aspects of my parents' visit next week.  But, for now, I'll enjoy a few moments of calm.

First day.

So, I imagine you all will be wondering how the first day of school went.  It was great!  We all woke up early (too early) and excited and didn't spend as much time as we usually do lounging in bed and getting a strong cup of coffee into our systems before moving on.  I'm a little sad to be leaving behind that relaxing tradition...I'm not much for rushing around first thing in the morning.  However, we had plenty of time to get ready and eat without pushing Natty too hard and then I ended up driving her to school while Scotty stayed with Jubilee.  When we got there, I saw no cars and no people!  I suppose I should have double-checked the starting time, I thought.  When I rang the doorbell, a work kid who was painting the wall opened the door...bad sign!  But, a teacher shortly came down and I asked if Natty was supposed to come at 9, trying to imagine what we would do for half an hour before any stores open if she was supposed to arrive later.  She assured me it was fine and we went upstairs to her little classroom where a handful of kids were sitting at a table.  I left her to get acquainted and chatted a bit with the director.  She asked me to stay because they were going to have a prayer time when all the kids showed up to ask God's blessing on the school year, the kids and our families.  It was sweet to see them all standing together with the hands out, repeating the prayer of the director.  Then they sang some songs and recited some verses.  For the most part, Natty was doing her best to imitate the Spanish and looking around with curiosity, but not fear.  When they lined up to go back into their classroom, I told her good-bye and assured her we would be back when school was done.  Scotty picked her up and I was brimming with excitement and standing at the top of the stairs- dying to know what she thought of her first day.  She said she had fun, couldn't remember exactly what they did and seemed to generally enjoy herself.  Even though it's only been 3 days, every day she comes home smiling and dancing and in a great and usually silly mood.  School seems to do her good and I am so happy/relieved!  I am incredibly thankful that our friend introduced us to the school and even though it's a little too quiet in the house without her, the morning goes by quickly and I am more excited to spend focused time with her in the afternoon.  With party planning and my parents coming in about 2 weeks, I don't feel like I'll have a good idea of what my mornings might look like when things settle again, but I am already appreciating that time.  We made it...

The change.

No, I'm not going through menopause...but, my child is starting school tomorrow.  How did this happen?  How can 4 1/2 years pass by so quickly?  I imagine I am not new to these feelings of seeing your little ones grow up.  I just sent Scotty and Natty off to a superbowl party while I sit at home with a sleeping baby and a nasty cold.  It feels very final.  Natty will come home from the party, go to sleep, and wake up in the morning to get ready for school.  That's it.  No more, what do you want to play this morning?  Will you come to the market with me?  Do you want to help me in the kitchen?  Now it will be, see you after school!  Be kind to the other kids.  Do you remember how to tell the teacher in Spanish if you need to go to the bathroom?  What is it that makes us not want changes, new phases?  Natty's little life has been a greater joy to us than we could have imagined and challenged me as a woman and mother and daughter of God in so many ways.  But, instead of appreciating this time, I just wonder if I played with her enough, if I really listened, if I stopped enough to show her that what she was saying was important to me.  My plea of the Lord is that I will be thankful for every moment I have and look forward to the promises that come in every new phase.  Of course it's natural to mourn that they will never be so very little and dependent on you in the same way- but there must be so much fun to come!  I think I need this little prod to remind me to take advantage of every moment with my children and not be so easily distracted by other things, because life is short.  What a gift to be responsible for steering our little ones down the right path in life.  So humbling to be on the same journey with them and to practice forgiveness as we both stumble.  I'm proud of my sweet Natalie.  She is maturing into a wonderful, creative, thoughtful, empathetic little girl and I can only thank my God that He has given me the grace and privilege of being her mother.

Seasons.

I feel like I hear the word "season" a lot in the Christian vocabulary (mine included)...  A "season of quiet" or a "season of busyness" or a "season of rest".  It's a good word, I think, because there does seem to be defined periods of time that the Lord creates in our lives that often have distinct beginnings and/or endings.  I think I'm coming to an end of a season, of sorts.  And, I'm not sure how well I'm handling it.  It's the season of babies.  I've had my last, unless the Lord adds by adoption.  One child is starting school in a few weeks.  I went to her little kindergarten and enrolled her yesterday.  Then I bought her some jello to make myself feel better.  I'm not freaking out yet, but I might cry a bit the week she starts.  I had to remind myself that some missionaries have to send their kids to boarding school and at least she'll still be living with us and home in the afternoons.  Also, I'm planning a huge first birthday party for next month.  My baby is going to be one.  So, I feel this change and have been feeling it coming ever since Jubilee was born.  My kids will only get older and bigger and more mature now.  We won't go through newborn cries and breastfeeding and snugly baby stages anymore.  I think I've done a fair amount of grieving (or complaining) about that already so I'm starting to come to terms with it.  But, it feels weird.  However, I'm starting to learn that life is a series of events that may or may not be exactly what you want and  you can choose to fight against them or trust that they are the Lord's perfect plan for your life and they are good.  I'm working on the latter.

Differences.

Sometimes we're surprised by how frequently we continue to clash with Bolivian culture.  I think we're realizing that we are and always will have a North American way of thinking and reasoning and it's not something we're always even aware of until we find ourselves frustrated inexplicably.  It's helpful to see it, however, and to come to understand the fundamental differences that shape Bolivians in their own special way.  So, as Scotty and I continue to adjust to life here after almost 10 years (!), I just wanted to share more about what I love about this country.  Yesterday, Scotty and I had a few minutes in the afternoon to take a walk together.  We walked as a family to a house nearby where Natty has a special friend, dropped her off, and then hiked around with Jubilee in her backpack.  As we were returning, we ran into a new-ish neighbor that we have exchanged pleasantries with a handful of times, but don't know well.  She was walking with her sister and we stood around for some time talking with her, sharing our hopes to start building our home across the street from her very soon and so on.  Her sister, who doesn't even live in Bolivia anymore, offered the use of her house (that she stays at when she is in town) to store building materials in if we want to buy them early before prices go up again.  She told us to stop by anytime and made sure that we knew exactly where her house was and gave us the exact date of her departure so that we could catch her before she leaves.  Our neighbor offered to give us any help we might need as we thought about starting our house, since they had recently built their own home.  A common phrase I hear here is "cualquier cosa"- if people can do anything for you, they will and are honored to be asked.  I love how involved people want to be in your life and that feel of community you have with your neighbors and those in your circle.  It can be tough to get used to from our very independent mindset when you're given unsolicited advice from everyone and anyone, but we see now that it means people care and I see how much closer that is to what God intends for us as His family- to be intimately involved in each others lives.  I pray that I can learn from my Bolivian friends.

A Saturday.

It's the first day of December!  I am SO excited about Christmas this year.  I think Christmas is always special, but it seems extra-special for some reason.  Maybe because it's the first year Natty has been in Bolivia at an age to really get into it.  Maybe it's because last year I was big and pregnant and couldn't really walk a lot to enjoy stuff and the year before that I had just lost Zion.  With Natty's exuberance about everything and our sweet, little happy Jubilee-baby and the thought of Scotty finally having a good chunk of family-time...I'm really in the Christmas spirit!  We are also loving the idea of doing advent with our church family this year, for the first time.  A lot of Christmas traditions that are "normal" for us North-American Christians are not looked highly upon  in the Bolivian church or are just starting to be accepted as the church grows in maturity.  We see the need to spend the month of December preparing our hearts to really celebrate the coming of our King and remember all that means to us as His adopted children.  Natty and I made an advent calender out of matchboxes and she already enjoyed opening the first one this morning (and will be even happier when I fill the rest with candy along with the scripture)- we want to set the stage for not only a fun time of baking, Christmas music, presents, ornaments, and friends, but of recognizing how much Jesus Christ deserves all our worship as a family as we remember His coming.

Today is my favorite type of Saturday.  Yesterday, it turned cold and rainy and dreary- a perfect winter day here in the middle of Summer! :)  After the rains stopped, the band of Andes mountains outside of La Paz were sparkling white and very dramatic.  I wish I had taken a picture!  We thought of driving out toward them to find snow and play in it, since Natty has no recollection of snow yet, but other duties were on our mind.  This is the first day in weeks that Scotty doesn't have anything major to do, so we made breakfast this morning, read books, ate, watched part of The Iron Giant and then got the girls ready to go out.  First stop- Ketal!  Our large supermarket has many interesting things inside, but we were on the hunt for lunch (in the form of small, stew-filled cornbready snacks) and garland to house our church advent candles.  Saturday is THE DAY to shop as a family, so the store was already humming with activity.  We paused at one girl handing out food samples and all tasted a kid's vitamin drink.  Sweet and milky and when we asked if it had sugar, she answered, "No- it's normal."  Normal?  And how is it so sweet, then?  Anyway, we found what we were looking for, picked up a Christollen and headed to destination #2: Awesome toy store!  I don't know what this store is called, but it's in the back of a store filled with men's dress fabric.  It's the only place I've seen such a great collection of fun stuff, educational stuff and didactic stuff- it really is fun to look around there and it's good I'm a Miser, cause otherwise I would buy way too much.  We found the toy we wanted for Jubilee, bought it and went to the second large grocery store in town that has a decent furniture store inside.  I had seen a nice, leather chair there that I thought Scotty might like for Christmas and wanted him to look at it before I bought it.  Upon further inspection, it seemed more of a dark purple than brown (which is how it was labeled and how I initially saw it) and was a bit rickety.  Now I'm back to the drawing board with him for Christmas gifts.  We took a quick spin through the grocery store for a few more things and at one point another free samples lady came by and handed Natty a fairly good-sized styrofoam bowl.  I was curious what could be in there and when I peaked in to check it out, I was surprised and a bit amused to find a Natty-lunch sized portion of some type of Ramen noodle soup.  She looked at us nervously while we giggled about that free sample, maybe worried that it was something she shouldn't eat.  This store was also packed, but we managed to make good time, leave the crowds behind us and return to our cozy home for naps and the rest of the afternoon left to playing and resting and left-overs.

The end.

Ballet and census day.

Natty is a poodle in her first ballet recital.  I DID NOT do her make-up.  :)

 I will try to give a swift recap of the last few weeks, since Jubilee is threatening to cut her nap short today.  Yesterday, we signed Natty up for her first school!!  Kids start rather young in all-week nursery around here and it's something we decided not to do since Natty is so content at home and I wanted her with me as long as possible!  However, since starting ballet, I see how much she is enjoying other kids and we also recognize that her personality makes it tough for her to learn Spanish when she's not around Spanish speakers a whole lot.  So, at 4 1/2 (in February- the start of the school year), she'll be attending Emmanuel Christian school!  It's actually just a little place set up in a neighborhood near Scotty's office and is run by the sweetest Christian ladies.  Most of the kids are day-care age, but there is a pre-kindergarten and kindergarten class.  There seems to be very personal attention given to each child and a commitment to working closely with the parents.  We had seen one other school- a pre-K through 12, and it was big and scary and not what I was looking for.  After walking through this place with Natty and chatting with the staff, we felt very comfortable and I was confident it was much more suited to her tender personality.  I am thankful God led us there- it was something I had been praying about for quite some time!

Practicing before the show.

Natty had her first ballet recital(s) Sunday night and Monday.  She has grown from being terrified of ballet to walking in to the studio calmly and enjoying the other little girls.  She constantly dances around the house and mimics what the older girls are doing in their classes.  She encourages me to copy her and then praises me, "Good job, Mommy!" when I do it well.  We had a week full of rehearsals, lots of extra costs and then 2 fun nights of watching our daughter perform in front of a very full audience for the first time!  I think it was a bigger milestone for us than for her- I can't believe I have a daughter old enough to do anything on a stage!  I'd like to say she was the best dancer in the Baby Ballet class, but I have to admit that I was practically rolling in my seat as Natty missed her cues, had her hands often going in the opposite direction and generally got distracted as any other 4 year-old might do.  The second night, the ballet didn't start until after her bedtime and it showed in her performance.  The poor girl was so tired.

So exhausted after a long week and 2 performances.

We let her come home from her first night's show, after her bedtime, to an ice cream party with 2 friends and then they stayed up who knows how long playing in her bedroom before they finally fell asleep.  She's still making up those lost sleep hours.

Today is census day.  Every 10 years, a nation-wide census is taken and everyone is ordered to stay in their homes until 6pm.  This isn't like other days where you stay home but can roam freely.  They have threatened fines and even jail time if you don't stay inside your house- no walking!  Bummer.  However, it comes at a good time cause I can do all my Thanksgiving meal prep today and Scotty can write Christmas letters that we desperately need to get ready soon.  Tomorrow, we'll spend Thanksgiving with our beloved SIM team and have invited our pastor and his wife to participate this year, since it's an American holiday that Edgar has always been interested in.

Happy.

Jubilee is growing and continues to be a smiling, sweet baby.  She has popped out with some attitude here and there and seems to get disgruntled a bit easier.  I think it's that hard stage where they're interested in so many things, but aren't mobile yet.  She's eating lots of new things and hasn't turned away any new food that I've given her.  She's still not a big fan of nursing, and I've had to reconcile myself to that.  It's been tough cause I know breast milk is still best and she's so low on the weight charts that I worry when she doesn't drink much.  But, I'm doing the best I can and feeding her as much as I can and the rest I am learning to leave in God's hands and trusting that all will be well.  She's starting to roll all over the floor in order to inspect things around her, but hasn't made moves toward crawling yet- except to move from a seated position to down on her tummy.  She is a joy to us all and she and Natty have an especially sweet relationship.